It takes a while, but eventually a person finds his way out.

by pistolpete 12 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • pistolpete

    It hard to believe------you don't have the TRUTH.

    Sometimes, for many----it takes HALF of your life -- or more---to figure it out

    It was like swimming upstream with lead boots pulling you back in

    And the closer you got to the "Real" TRUTH----the further away you strayed from your intimate group

    It's an unpleasant journey-------when you wake up by yourself.

  • Jes9087654

    I just had my epiphany about the truth a few months ago and have been miserable because I am still on the fence about things. I feel torn. I can’t imagine losing my family and friends. My husband died of leukemia, he refused blood. That has been 7 years. I have been in 12 years. I now see the truth differently, I feel like I got duped as a young woman. I wasn’t raised In The truth my husband was. I have so far raised my daughter in the truth. She is 7 now. I now see so many things wrong with the truth, organization, with some of the doctrines, the light getting brighter. Since I have been baptized it has been nothing but pressure and anxiety to be good enough to be in. I feel like I got brainwashed and have been living in a bubble. I am afraid of leaving because it is all I have known as an adult. I’m here because I am scared of the change it will be in my life. If I don’t da myself how can I keep on living such a lie. Just keep on being unhappy inside but staying with my with my family I’m new to this forum and I’m not even sure I am posting this in the right place. Can anyone relate?

  • pistolpete
    Jes9087654 Welcome to the forum

    It takes time to figure out what to do. That being said, don't do anything drastic like Disassociate. All that will do at this point is cause you to lose your entire network of support,which is not a good thing.

    If I don’t da myself how can I keep on living such a lie. Just keep on being unhappy inside but staying with my with my family

    You can be happy by knowing that you are working on some type of plan which in many cases takes quite a while. For some it takes years.

    In the meantime just enjoy the nice things of being with family and be patient because the journey is usually kind of long.

    Keep doing research but don't feel like you need to make any drastic changes immediately that you will regret later on.

    Like the video, it takes a while to get your things in order.

  • hoser

    I had a gut feeling something was not quite right for a long time. My waking up coincided with when high speed internet became available in our city.

    I’ve taken the pimo route. I can play the game fairly well it seems. I’m happy now and that’s what counts. I do enough so the elders don’t harass me but not enough so they want me to do more.

  • Sea Breeze
    Sea Breeze

    Hi Jes,

    Welcome to the forum. The WT lied to you about God, our health, salvation, proper relationship to governmental authorities.... its a very long list.

    When a person leaves the WT, the person has to start over, from the beginning and rebuild a value and belief system. has a YouTube Channel where the WT and conventions are examined critically from a common sense and Christian point of view.

    The owner, Elaine is a 2nd gen JW born-in who hasn't seen her mother in 30 years. I would recommend starting there. Lots of good folks there and in their private FB group.

  • Vanderhoven7

    Dear Jes,

    Thank you for sharing your struggle with us. As a Christian Bible believer I am hoping your faith in God will be strengthened as your faith in men and their claims diminish. Men will abandon and shun you if you DA yourself. That is to be expected. If you decide to fade you may find some help from a poster on this forum who wrote the following on Escaping From JW Land.

    “I am Physically In Mentally Out (PIMO) and for years have struggled with how to break free from JW Land since it has defined my whole life. Over time, I have determined you need to approach it somewhat like a large project and here is my summary project plan that some may find useful when "the truth about the truth" becomes a reality in your life.

    1. TAKE TIME TO PROCESS THIS: Don't make any quick decisions. Take a breath, relax and promise yourself you will not act rashly or lash out in any way. Acting quickly or rashly will likely cause more problems than be helpful. Try to keep anger, emotion and action on-hold as you process.
    2. EDUCATE YOURSELF/GET HELP: Many, many existing JWs are in your same situation (like me). Read the Wiki here, read JWFacts and other sites suggested by ones here. Consider registering a generic anonymous email address so that you can logon to Reddit to benefit from all the help here. The more knowledgeable you are on how to proceed once you have TTATT - then the better life you can have as you execute a plan.
    3. EMBRACE YOUR CHALLENGE: If you are realizing TTATT, then this is a fight for your life!!! Your family and friends likely have not embraced TTATT. You need to understand, this is going to be hard. You may need to be fake and play games to make things manageable in your life. You will need to work hard to successfully adjust your life with your desire to extract yourself from JW Land - in some cases it can take years to do this.
    4. SEE THE BIG PICTURE: Your goal is to escape JW Land and have a good life. So you likely need to live with some difficult circumstances now to reach that goal. Try to leave too fast before you are prepared for success can leave you in a very difficult place. As opposed to confronting and trying to awaken your friends/family - consider being more passive and simply changing the subject or agreeing with what JWs in your life say. Confronting friends/family about TTATT can backfire in a major way and make your life more difficult.
    5. MAKE A PLAN/GET SUPPORT: You are not alone. Many, many JWs are struggling with TTATT. Start to do some of the things in this plan and you may find it is easier than you thought. People here will help you plan and will support you. Do not be afraid to ask for help. There is a wealth of knowledge on this site, far too much to include in a post like this.
    6. VALUE YOURSELF: Embrace that you need to value and focus on yourself (and your immediate family). If you are younger, get an education and seek out the best employment you can find. If you are an adult, save your money and seek out the best financial situation possible. Take care of your health. Get a job with healthcare coverage. It takes money to live! JW Land is not going to save you when you are broke and 80 years old (I know this since my parents are in this situation). You need a measure of financial security and the org will never help you with that.
    7. DO NOT GET BAPTIZED: Stall, delay, defer, cry, kick, scream, etc. Within reason, do anything you can to avoid getting baptized. Being baptized makes escaping more complicated and makes future family relationships more difficult. If you are not baptized then you immediately escape many other "special privileges" that make it harder to escape. This likely only applies to younger ones on this forum - but should be followed by anyone not yet baptized.
    8. STOP DONATING: Pure and simple - stop giving money to JW Land. Every dollar you give to JW Land perpetuates the lies and allows the deceptions to continue. Every dollar you give means less financial security for you and your family. You likely need the money and do not have it to give away. This is one of the fastest ways to impact the org.
    9. STOP VOLUNTEERING: Say NO! to mowing the Kingdom Hall (KH) lawn, No! to quick builds, No! to cleaning the KH, No! to maintenance and the list goes on. It may be hard the first time you tell a brother that is trying to guilt you into providing free labor.... but it gets easier each and every time. Learn to say NO....the brothers and sisters cannot do anything to you if you just say NO.
    10. STEP DOWN: If you enjoy a "special privilege" such as CO, Bethelite, Elder, MS, Pioneer, etc....... then consider a plan to "stop serving" or "step down". JW Land cannot survive without huge numbers of volunteers to enforce the rules and regulations of the JW way of life. Every person that leaves a "special assignment" makes it that much more difficult to preserve JW Land structures. It takes courage to do this and can be scary. However, once you have TTATT there is one main way to stop the lies, deceptions and endless peer pressure - simply stop supporting an organizational structure that harms people. Those with "special privileges in the truth" enable the JW organization to continue harming people.
    11. MAKE GOOD NON-JW FRIENDS: Seek out friendships with people that can help you succeed in life. Escaping JW Land is just a first step, you ultimately want a good life. Having friends that want this too will be a HUGE help! Being smart/educated, being a person with a good job/income, being a person that values and respects others (and loves both Father and Son) These are but a few qualities to look for in friends.
    12. GET A JOB: Having money to survive is critical to successfully leaving JW Land. The sooner you learn to work and save money the better. I learned to work and get paid at a young age - you can too. I cannot say this too much - if you do not have enough money - life is going to tough as you try to leave JW Land. Making good friends can also help in this area.
    13. MOVE OUT/GET A ROOM MATE: See point above about making good friends. Being able to move out and share expenses can be an enormous benefit to your overall plan with good friends.
    14. FADE AWAY: Simply put, do less and less with anything related to being a JW. Fading is very specific to your situation. How to do it right is different for everyone. Ask for help on your specific situation and you will get a multitude of ideas that may apply."

    God bless,


  • Disillusioned JW
    Disillusioned JW

    Hi Jes9087654. I can relate to what you are experiencing. Here are some ideas that might help you.

    - You do what is called fading. It involves gradually reducing your involvement with the religion. Examples are gradually reducing time in: field service, meeting attendance, and commenting at meetings. You can also resign from the Theocratic Ministry (or what ever it is now called), without telling anyone why you resigned.

    - You can re-establish (or strengthen) social contact with your non-JW family members and with wholesome non-JW friends you once had.

    - Take care of your health. Do what you reasonably can to prolong your health span and your lifespan. Study reliable sources of information about what can be done to prevent health problems and to cure health problems.

    - You can do a number of things which Vanderhoven7 recommends.

  • Jes9087654

    Hi everyone. Thank you for responding to my post. I agree that this is going to be a very long process. It has been months already and I still feel I am not ready. I am attempting to just try to be normal with my family. I am even seeing a therapist. She has helped me to confront all of this. I realized almost two years ago that I needed to get an education and am still attending college. I raised a lot of eyebrows at Kh when I decided to go to school. But I just figured out that these people aren’t paying my bills and I had to do something to get out of my financial rut. I have only recently learned about the term PIMO. I hate to be living that way. I don’t want to waste too much of my life on staying in and trying to please everyone. It’s just so hard to leave family behind. I have made it a point to read the Bible all over again and see what I get out of it. I still believe in God I’m just at a loss with what comes next. I wouldn’t even want to go to another church. It’s seems like it’s all crap. I don’t have the desire to celebrate holidays or birthdays, I could care less about those things. Also, the death of my husband weighs heavy on me. I think of being wrong about leaving and the resurrection or afterlife or whatever it is. It makes me wonder is there really something else or was this really it. So many things to think of and to do very slowly. I have realized what a long process this will be.

    Thank you all for letting me vent. Its hard to find people who understand what this is like.

  • truth_b_known

    I was born-in as a Witness. It wasn't until my late 20's/early 30's that I faded, though not by choice. I was in my mid 30's when I realized the Watchtower sold a bunch of made-up non-sense.

    My biggest support has always been my wife. Not being financially reliant on a Witness and have non-Witness friends is the key to getting out. By the time I woke up I had so many friends who are not Witnesses and my Witness friends had already turned their backs on me.

  • Simon
    I have so far raised my daughter in the truth. She is 7 now.

    You owe it to her to spare her the pain the religion can bring for so many.

    The funny thing is, it's only after you leave that you realize that it takes more effort to keep going than to stop going. It sounds so obvious in hindsight, and you wonder what you'll do with all the spare time (but don't worry, it's easily filled with worthwhile pursuits)

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