Darwin Awards

by Ravyn 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • Ravyn
    Ravyn

    makes you wonder if the human animal is worth the air it breathes...

    Ravyn

    Darwin Awards!

    The Winner!
    When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
    * * * * *
    and now, the honorable mentions:

    The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping round, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger.

    The chef's claim was approved.
    * * * * *
    A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

    * * * * *
    After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.

    The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
    * * * * *
    An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
    * * * * *
    A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, puts a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15.

    (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?)
    * * * * *
    A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A ****-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the banker later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"
    * * * * *
    Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
    * * * * *
    As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID.

    To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
    * * * * *
    The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
    * * * * *
    Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper. They were quickly arrested.
    * * * * *
    Finally, a 5-star stupidity award winner!

    When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle Street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

  • Redneck
    Redneck

    lmao.....slurp slurp... ughhhh shit

    yes yes it is.....

    I wouldnt have pressed charges either to funny

  • JeffT
    JeffT

    A few years ago the security guard at a property I managed noticed that the free standing ATM that had been on the sidewalk was gone. (This was at about three in the morning). He radioed the police who started looking for the machine. A few minutes later the cops pull over a pickup that's dragging an ATM machine down the street. The guys in the pickup tell the cop it was broken and they were taking it to the shop.

  • Ravyn
    Ravyn
    After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.

    The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

    hmmmmmm......slash the tires at a KH one night and show up with a van to take everybody home.....

    Ravyn of the wheels are turning class

  • LittleToe
    LittleToe

    Rayvn:
    That has to be the funniest thing I've heard in ages.
    ROFL

  • teenyuck
    teenyuck
    A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

    F.Y.I.

    When you visit Chicago in the winter....Do Not Park in a space that is shoveled out. You will be injured. Mayor Daley approved of strong measures....

    My husband and I drove in and stayed in the city with friends a few years ago. Lots of snow that year. On the street they lived were empty spots, shoveled out. There were lawn chairs in the spots however. Our friend told us the Mayor had approved assualt if you caught someone taking the space you had shoveled out.

  • drwtsn32
    drwtsn32

    Did anyone hear about the carnival worker who recently died? It is tragic and disturbing, but he definitely deserves a Darwin Award.

    Apparently he bent down over the track to spray some oil on it, and his hair got stuck. Well, the ride was operating at the time!!!

    http://www.heraldnet.com/Stories/03/8/17/17355931.cfm

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