The Timing of Telling My Parents My College Plans. (page 2)

Pete Zahut

It's a crazy thing that your going to college would be considered bad news.

Is the college you plan on attending nearby so you could live at home if your parents are favorable or would you have to move away anyway?

Are you certain you'd be kicked out if you went to college?

Why can't you attend college and not mention ending the JW thing just yet. Let them get used to the idea of college and then gradually fade away sometime in the future.

Perhaps you could sit them down and have the following conversation:

You: Dad...Mom, play along with me here but can you give me 3 examples of things that no parent ever wants to hear about their kid?

Your Parents: No parent wants to hear their child is sick, or they've been in an accident or they are in trouble with the law.

You: What about if they heard their child had been accepted into college?

Parents: Well...no, that wouldn't exactly be bad news....why are you asking us this?

You: Well it occurred to me that even though parents all over the world are overjoyed when their kids go on to higher education, it might come as bad news to you, if I were to tell you I got accepted into a college.

Then take the conversation from there, hopefully you'll have put things into perspective for them.

StephaneLaliberte

If you are truly confident that your parents would throw you out for pursuing higher learning such as a Bachelor, than LIE. They want to manipulate your spiritual beliefs; you might as well manipulate them into securing your future.

Tell them you intend to follow a three year program that will yield a diploma/certificate in a trade of your choice. In the meantime, pursue your Bachelor. In the fourth year, tell everyone, including your parents, that you failed some classes in the third year that you need to take them again.

JWs have this imaginary line drawn at 3 years. They will judge you if you pursue a 4 year bachelor program, but will deem you spiritual if you go for no more than three years. In that 4th year, if you complain properly on how difficult your program is and how you are stuck in this unbelievable situation, well, they will have pity on you and actually encourage you to finish your “3 year program”.

Seriously, no one will see through this. As long as they are confident that you are not going to be a real - part of this world - professional, they'll be happy.

Considering that living alone and getting an education is extremely difficult, I would strongly advise for you to do everything you can to stay home while going to college. And yes, you should even go to the meetings on a fairly regular basis if it keeps them happy.

All this of course, is if you are confident that your parents would be the kind to throw you out of the house if you do not follow the WT teachings/advises.

smiddy

I think Simons approach along with your pros and cons is a sensible way to go ,that way you can gauge their feelings and attitude over a period of time and you can better plan your future move.

carla

If you are going to tell them sooner rather than later have a back up plan. Do you have a worldly friend you can confide in? maybe their family will allow you to finish out your high school career in their home? your parents are still financially responsible for you until you are 18. Do you have any non jw family?

If you currently work, take care to keep your funds safe. I have heard of jw mom's stealing kids money on a few occasions just to make life more difficult and make the young adult more dependent on mom & dad.

Wishing you all the best, you are in a tough spot.

WeatherLover

I'm 18, and yes, I'm baptized. The problem with me living at home while attending college is that the nearest school that has the major I want (meteorology or similar) is 2 1/2 hours away. I really didn't want to continue to go to meetings while at college because I've already been going for over two years while not believing. Also, my parents will know something is up because otherwise I wouldn't be going to college. And continuing to go to meetings could give them false hope about me returning to the "Truth."

On pretending that I'm only going for 3 years, I think they will see through this because I'm pretty sure they know that a meteorology degree is a 4 year program. I do think it would be a good idea to bring up college without mentioning the religion at all, but they will probably bring it up.

I likely won't qualify for grants because my dad makes too much money. I'm going to take the ACT in April, so I'll see if I can get any sort of scholarship. From that point I can figure out how much more money I'm going to need. I currently have a part time job. I worry about working and going to school at the same time, but I doubt I can get around it. I really have no idea if my parents would be willing to help me at all.

WeatherLover

And thank you everyone!

carla

Start searching for scholarships now! There are all kinds of unusual scholarships out there

here is just one site with some unusual ones-

http://yescollege.com/2013/04/100-unique-and-weird-scholarships-worth-applying-for-2013/

most communities have local contests for scholarships too

Tapioca

If you are in the USA, there should be a community college nearby that will help you obtain transferable credits to the 4-year program. Such an interim plan might save you thousands of dollars in the long run. Are you taking any AP or IB course which will exempt you from remedial or even intro courses which would help speed your completion rate? Carla has a good idea plus you need to develop a good relationship with HS counselors who will help you ID and compete for the local contests Carla mentions.

Meeting attendance for >2yrs while not believing is rough. You might be able to continue to be flexible with this as it could protect your maj med/healthcare insurance for the next several years. Complete a FAFSA asap. It will give you the EFC (expected family contribution) regarding your higher education. You can always update it as needed.

This is important. This is your future. Again, know your options, don't be afraid to be clever and innovative with your solutions, and keep your eye on that prize!

Giordano

I likely won't qualify for grants because my dad makes too much money.

Explain that because maybe he can be approached on that basis. Did he get higher schooling or work longer hours. Did he skip school to pioneer? Is he an Elder or MS. Did he go to college or learned on the job?

Does he understand that back in the 1960's When we graduated HS..........we were discouraged.......... as all JW young adults were discouraged........ to go on to college and be able to support a family? Because Armageddon was coming? The same reasoning for every other generation.

Why not converse with him on the basis of his own experience? Of course if he graduated HS and went directly into the pioneer ranks and then a two or three year tour of service a Bethel your shit out of luck.

However If not.......... why not you?

Your second option is to claim that the recent ARC findings (Google JW and Pedophiles) about the JW pedophile scandal has stumbled you and made it impossible to devote your time and energy to a religion that permits known pedophiles to escape punishment both in the congregation and out of the congregation. Until Jehovah and the WT Society cleans up this mess you prefer to get a decent education.

WeatherLover

Start searching for scholarships now!

I will!

If you are in the USA, there should be a community college nearby that will help you obtain transferable credits to the 4-year program. Such an interim plan might save you thousands of dollars in the long run. Are you taking any AP or IB course which will exempt you from remedial or even intro courses which would help speed your completion rate?

I have considered community college. I'll know more where I stand after I take the ACT. I actually graduated last year, but I had good grades so hopefully I'll be OK.

Explain that because maybe he can be approached on that basis. Did he get higher schooling or work longer hours. Did he skip school to pioneer? Is he an Elder or MS. Did he go to college or learned on the job?

He didn't go to college, but he works really hard and he does work long hours. He's a MS. He has auxiliary pioneered several times in the past, and now he's asking me if I want to auxiliary pioneer with him in April.

The Timing of Telling My Parents My College Plans.

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