Introduction

joao

Hi everybody!

I'm João, from Portugal.

I was a JW for about 30 years but I've stopped associating with them for about two years now. And, lately, I've decided to dig deep and research about this cult! Oh boy! I should have done that much earlier!

Now the problem is that my wife, who "took me into the cult", is still completely under their control, as well as our younger daughter. I'm not forcing anything or being hard on anyone, but I've been telling them about my findings. It's sad to see the extent to which WTBTSP has succeeded at controlling their followers minds!

Are there any friends struggling with the same type of situation? I guess there might be some... That's the reason why I decided to join the community.

Take care!

João

LoveUniHateExams

Hi Joao - nice to here from you.

There will be some posters on this forum who are or were in your situation.

Not me, I was lucky to do a nice slow fade away from the cult.

Anyhoo, welcome!

joao

Thanks!

tenyearsafter

Welcome João!

What you are experiencing is very common for JW's that leave the Watchtower organization and still have family in. It is most commonly known as cognitive dissonance, which in laymen's terms is the refusal of your loved ones to entertain contrary beliefs as the outcome is too difficult or devastating to their current belief system. Basically, current JW's have spent years buying into the ideas that the Governing Body are the only way to a relationship with God. The GB has inculcated the belief that anything contrary to what they teach is apostasy and leads to death. For someone to realize that this isn't the case is psychologically devastating! They don't want to accept that what they have been living is incorrect and the consequences of realizing that forces them to accept that they have been living a lie.

I have a number of family members still "in" the religion. I think some are so entrenched that they just refuse to open their eyes. I have others that suspect it's not "The Truth", but to leave would ruin their current lives and relationships...so they stay in without fully believing.

It is difficult to see loved ones ensnared, but love and patience can slowly help them to start to critically think if they are so inclined. Wishing you the best in your journey with your family.

TYA

punkofnice

Welcome J-man.

Now the problem is that my wife, who "took me into the cult", is still completely under their control, as well as our younger daughter. I'm not forcing anything or being hard on anyone, but I've been telling them about my findings.

That's the reason my wife left. She was brainwashed through and through, so much so she chose the clult over me. Now she's married to another bloke who is a fully brainwashed Jobot.

Just be careful. The cult deviously programs their minds against people like us.

raymond frantz

Hi Joao, I faced the exact same situation.It build down to whether your marriage is based totally on the cult or not.At first the anger the disappointment and bitterness can be a catalyst in your relationship. I'd say go slow with your wife as indoctrination of that type is hard to break.Small steps at the time and always maintain the position that you care about the truth above anything else, make your wife slowly to accept it is your right to have doubts, questions and the right to stop being a witness.PM me if you want to discuss it further

joao

Thank you all for your comments. I'm really taking it calmly. And I'm seeing some results. She is already listening to me, something she didn't use to even want to do! Decades of indoctrination will be hard to overcome, specially when someone hasn't ever known any other reality!

fastJehu

@joao

My father was like you (back in the 1970s).

Unfortunately, he never talked to us children about his reasons and left us to our brainwashed mother.

In retrospect, I would tell my father (or you): please please talk to the children. Educate them about how cults work and how cults manipulate people. Educate them that they need to acquire KNOWLEDGE. Help them become critical thinkers and question everything. To question everything on its PROVABLE facts.

Ask the kids how they feel about having to do JW stuff. Find out if they enjoy doing it or are reluctant. Since the WTG always claims that it does not force anyone, allow your children to also say NO to a day out in service or a visit in the kingdom hall.

I love Portugal, especially the pleasant weather in the Algarve. I have been there many times - always combined with short trips to Lisboa.

Greetings from Germany

Mum

The best ethod may be to ask questions they don't have answers for, such as why it was the "truth" that the generation of 1914 would be alive through Armageddon, but now the "truth" is entirely different.

EdenOne

Olá João, bem-vindo a este fórum.

Welcome to this forum, from another fellow Portuguese citizen in Portugal.

I also exited before my zealous JW wife did, and what I can say is that everyone is different, and what works for some, doesn't work for others. You know your spouse better than anyone else in here, so work with that knowledge. In general, proceed with caution, because if preserving your marriage and family is important to you, you may want to take baby steps. Keep in mind that their pre-programmed brain can at any time turn against you and choose the cult instead, if they feel overwhelmed. Carefully chosen questions that arouse thinking mechanisms are usually a good way, especially if you don't make it sound as if you already have mentally checked out. The temptation to spill it all out and "preach" is great, but patience is paramount here. Also, keep an eye on external influences - your spouse may confide in another JW what's going on and they may try to undermine you and even turn her against you.

R.

Introduction

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