DA letter sent... It was weird!

by Mandrake 11 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Mandrake

    Well I was telling you days ago that I wrote my DA letter... I decided to deliver it myself to the elders. It'a been about a year I didn't show up nor talk to the majority of old friends. One of my best friends (who's is 2-3 years older than me, I'm 25) is now an elder... Some times I don't understand him, he's an engineer from a prestigious university (the most prestigious universities here in Chile, are 2, the one from where he got his degree and the one I'm attending)... He even red Crisis of Conscience and has doubts... But still endured inside.

    my Congo were based in our historic city downtown, so our territory was small... I parked my car near the hall and walked near for a while while the meeting was over. That walk brought very deep remembrances and feelings from many years ago, I first came to that Congo 15 years ago, I was 10, my glide has changed a lot since then... My family broke, I struggled on my first university years, etc...

    The time was ticking and I had no particular plan on how to deliver my DA letter, I started to felt some angst... The same deep hopeless feeling I had when struggles to bring out the topic of my now ex non-JW girlfriend, the feeling of being stopped by the same old cold stone wall made up of doubt, fear, anxiety and guilt... I could never make a stand, I lost that girl, she wasn't patient enough, I wasn't brave enough to fight, I couldn't make it had sense...

    That was the past, I wasn't there to be a coward, so resolved to go on (I had in my mind the kind words and encourage from of some of you the other day when I had my letter wrote!!!)

    it was about the time the meeting was supposed to be ending, I directed my feet straight to the hall... I took three steps and I saw in the distance and old lady that always were very kind to me... Again I started to doubt. I crossed the street and took the other way to the wall... I said to myself "no matter who is getting in your way we are not stopping now changing route!!!" Two steps ahead I saw my good old friend and neighbor... I hadn't see her in a year, now she were married and her "husband" (oh los how I hated him, always considered him a moron)... She didn't recognize me at first, then she smiled and hug me tight and said to me "it's been a long time, I'm SO happy to see you"

    i replied, "where are you going with HIM unaccompanied?!" She laughed for a while... "I'm very happy to see you too, i love you very very much (I can't find a word to translate from Spanish a friendly -not romantic- kind of love, but let's say that I was referring to "agape" love)... Then she told me that we should meet soon "I hope that too" replies, I looked in her eyes and I think deep inside she knew it was for me a very final situation, I was truly affected and my face surely were expressing it... Her husband just looked and were a passive watcher of the scene, certainly he knew that between she and me were some "feelings" long long ago. We parted and there I was, at hall's door...

    suddleny mu friend now-elder came out! "Oh long time we didn't see each other! We surely have so much to talk!!!" Yes bro, 2 years and he only had me on Facebook to stalk, never wrote a single message, always "spying", silent, what a rat! Anyhow for good old time's sake I walked him home (2 blocks away) and talked for a while... I didn't mention my visit's real intentions.

    time was running out, enough to distractions were taken, the I saw the elder I wanted to talk going home in his car... It was maybe too late and no one left on the wall... I hurried and there I was again, in front of the hall's door... And it was locked, bad thing, I would let the letter for them to find it. But suddleny against one elder gets out... It was one I knew well and counseled me many times. He also knew how my family broke up... He was the one. We talked a little. Remember him talking "not to forget jehovah"... And leaving. Then I spoke about and said "wait... (I took out the envelop from my pocket) I have a letter in wrote for the BOE, I would like to give it to you, it's about some things I've been considering over time"... Can I open and read it my self, he asked. Of course you can! he looked the envelope, my name in the back, gave me a hug and we said goodbye... Some guys I knew were left inside the hall, but I didn't turn back and walked to my car, I took a deep breath and listened to a song o used to play a lot as a teenager, when doubts started, I was always careful about the lyrics of the music I liked, and this song (some will recognize it) said in one verse "I got soul but I'm not a soldier"... Well I wasn't a soldier of the WT anymore, I was starting to live my live free, and of course I had a soul, now it was free. I started the engine drove... It now seems a a long long time ago when I visited this site for the first time, of course with some guilt and fear, I clearly remember research about the flood and the "only 6000 years of human history", time passed o registered, then posted, in parallel my life changed, friends were lost, I entered college, I broke up with my first and on top of it non-JW girlfriend, family broke up, mother and sister tried to kill themselves on many occasions, I found my now girlfriend and found happiness, my mother recovered and now it's "awoken" and full of positive thoughts and no longer feeling that the Jws are the "truth" anymore.

    My life has changed forever, I want to thank you all for the encourage and great advise and the info I got from your experiences. Thank you also for reading (it seems that this is the longest thing I ever wrote in English that it's not academic!

    now it's time to wait for the announcement, in the meantime I think I will write something for my still inside good old friends...


  • Listener

    Mandrake, your post is very moving. I can see that English is not your first language and there are mistakes academically, which is neither here nor there because you get an A+ for the message that you conveyed. I can only begin to imagine how beautiful you must write in your native language.

    It is wonderful that you found the strength to hand deliver your letter which must have taken a lot of courage. I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

  • Mandrake

    Thank you! It's encouraging to know that somewhere are people getting over and facing the same, and most important by now reading what I've been through recently. I just writed this on my phone and didn't check back, maybe auto correction and check spelling may have messed up a bit! And of course there is some lack of English writing practice. I'm still young and eager to learn :)

  • FayeDunaway
    Mandrake, remember only the good things about those people. That old sister who was kind to you, your neighbor friend. They would still have their good qualities without that cult, and you can dwell on them as people, in your memories, and not say goodbye to that part of them, in your heart. Does that make sense? It sounds like your life will go very well and I am happy for you.
  • ScenicViewer

    ...it seems that this is the longest thing I ever wrote in English that it's not academic!

    Your broken English is beautiful and a pleasure to read. Thank you!

  • Mandrake
    :) I'm leaving with only with the good memories, I'll always be there for them! I'll keep going with my English hehehehe, sometimes when I'm hanging out with some friends i talk in *very* broken English with some special *indian* accent and they find it very funny hahahaha
  • dubstepped
    Thanks for sharing the story. That was an interesting read, it is funny how things turn out in the end sometimes. I bet you never thought you'd end up here as a disassociated person, but you did it, and congratulations! Freedom awaits. Go live your life and enjoy.
  • Mandrake
    Oh yeah dubstepped!!! I never thought of it! The only act of reading this site gave me some guilt feelings at first... But the more I researched, the more people I started to know, the lest doubts I had that something we're VERY wrong... Life it's not easier now, nor much thing have changed, but I feel very different, sometimes in life, small decisions and brief moments can make the difference! I feel less stressed on a regular basis, like being more "lightweight" in a emotional sense...
  • smiddy

    Mandrake , that was a very good read , no need to apologise for your english spelling .

    You are young and have a lifetime ahead of you free from a cult, good for you

    I wish you all success in your Dentistry profession

    Take care , from an Aussie


  • goingthruthemotions

    You did the right thing....i can hardly wait till i could tell those anti-christ S.O.B's where to stick it.

    i now know that my marriage will not survive it....she is too brainwashed and narrow minded.

    i hate this cult!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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