little depressed...

by jwbot 21 Replies latest jw experiences

  • jwbot

    I need to vent, and what better place to vent?

    I can not get over the fact that my well-adjusted life, where I am happy, and to me, doing the right things, will always be seen as immoral by my family members and former friends. The recent email exchange ( <---yay drama) between myself and an ex best friend just makes these feelings come rushing back. I get so depressed that my family doesn't talk to me, or that my friends are so mean now. It makes me want to go to the meetings again just so I can have these people back in my life. I know that that would be fake, I know that that won't be true to myself. Also, I could never support or even look like I show support to a disgusting, immoral, sexist religion that is against everything that I stand for and know in my heart. I just want my family and friends back. Maybe I need to get out more. *sigh*

  • gumby
    I just want my family and friends back. Maybe I need to get out more. *sigh*

    I know the feeling.

    What really gripes your ass is there is nothing you can do short term to fix it. Sometimes I wonder how many friend would respond if I called to say hi. I think in my case I might get quite a few... and Ikeep thinking of doing it, but haven't yet. Why don't you go first and tell me what happens?


  • drwtsn32

    jwbot: I can sympathize with you. The emotional manipulation exercised by JWs is very strong. That's why disfellowshipping works sometimes and people go back. They can't bear the thought of disappointing so many people that were once very close.

    What helpes me is knowing that it's emotional blackmail. It makes me even more determined not to succumb to the pressure and go back to meetings just to make everyone happy.

    I'm sorry that I don't have any real advice... just know that it gets better! I have made so many great friends outside of the org that the feeling of guilt has completely vanished for me. (I only had it for a little while after leaving... I've been out for 10 months now.)

    I have friends who do not have conditional love... who will stand by me no matter what my religious opinions are.

    The JWs would love for you to feel miserable and that there's nothing for you outside of the organization. But they are wrong. Very wrong!

  • Xena

    Hey jwbot I know how you feel. My sister was just here visiting. They had a nice family dinner and didn't invite me. Took my daughter shopping and when she dropped her off she left me a gift from Bath and Body Works (she knows I love that stuff) and hugged me and told me she loved me....we both were crying....and I spent several days depressed wondering if I should go back, but I just can't subject myself or my daughter to that. And like you said the really difficult part of it all is I'm not a bad person...I work hard...I take good care of my daughter, there is absolutely NO reason for them to treat me like this...

    *sigh* it's not easy sometimes is it? but it is good to have a place to go where people understand huh?

  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie

    (((JWbot))) we all know how you feel, cause we've been there ourselves, of does help to "move on" with your life and lift your spirits by getting involved in activities that you enjoy and to meet new people...from there you can make a whole world of new friends...just like coming to this forum....sometimes you hafta force yourself to take those steps....because of the caution instilled in you by the borg and because making new friends doesn't mean they'll understand where you "come from"....that's what we're here for....but you sure can enjoy the heck outta making your new life, cher... and that's what it is...a new life....make of it what you will....

    Frannie B

  • berylblue
    I can not get over the fact that my well-adjusted life, where I am happy, and to me, doing the right things, will always be seen as immoral by my family members and former friends.

    My heart goes out to you...I know how that feels. I'm living immorally, and I know my family (non JW) don't approve. It hurts...PM me if you ever need to vent some more.

  • badolputtytat

    Hi jwbot...

    I too "know how you feel".... I am in the exact situation that you describe, and I AM faking it. I go to the meetings, sit in on studies, talk all the b.s. when in the company of my family. And of course they are accepting of me now, after almost twenty years of silence.

    But I have kept one thing in mind during all of this. The "love" that my family is showing me is just as fake, as my pretending to be a dub. It was like flipping a light-switch when I went back to the Hall..... I "turned them on" and when they find out I am faking it... the switch will undoubtedly be flipped right back off. I hope by then, the "damage" I intend to do will be done.

    I began this thing with intentions of rescuing my family from this monster. But each day that passes... I feel exactly what you describe... immoral, un-true to myself... for just pretending to "show support" . It makes me physically ill. Each time the meeting is over and I come back home to my wife... I just feel a weight off of me. I wish you all the luck with your family, but I can tell you from real experience, that faking it, won't help. It will only make you see through them even more.

    Agrees with Drwtsn though.... it is emotional blackmail... don't let it get you.

  • StinkyPantz


  • teejay

    It's threads like this that make me wonder if, in the end, standing up for principle is really worth it.

    Hang in there, jwbot.

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex
    I just want my family and friends back. Maybe I need to get out more. *sigh*

    I understand. I haven't spoken to my family in over 10 years, but that's sort of by mutual agreement. I disapprove of them as much, or more, than they disapprove of me. I'm not DF'd or DA'd, just don't go anymore. So you don't have to have judicial action against you to be shunned.

    What can you do? First, I think it's appropriate for you to feel sad. In a very real sense you have lost friends and family. It's natural to grieve that loss. Give yourself that freedom.

    But you can also do something positive. Create a new family, one that cares for you. Choose people to be friends, who share your interests, background and/or personality. It takes time, but you can create a family based entirely on the friends you make.

    Last Thanksgiving we had our "family" over to our house. These are people that care for us and we for them, our children actually call them Aunt and Uncle becuse that's how they view them.

    I view myself as a branch that is cut off from a dying tree. I am planted in new soil and we are an entirely new family, one that is healthier and stronger than my birth family. And our family can grow.

    It takes time, and care, but then that's just like planting a real tree isn't it?

    Decide for yourself what you want from this life, and then do your best to make it so. Leave the garbage to the side and attach to light and life.

Share this