A conversation with my dad

by magotan 19 Replies latest jw experiences

  • magotan
    I talked to my dad today, after I text him when I was angry after a night out. I'm starting to get closure on my parents relationship with regards to me.
    The dynamic between them versus me is abusive.
    My dad didn't think I had any reason to be bitter.
    He said I CHOSE to leave "Jehovahs People" and this is what I should expect as treatment. "What did you expect?"
    I was told that how I live my life affects others, and I hurt everyone when I did this (I replied with a sarcastic 'congratulations'). I hurt THEIR feelings.
    He said that shunning is not abuse, no matter how I may feel or what it looks like to me (wow)
    He didn't understand how they could have been abusive at all to lead me to this path, and there was no possible way this could be their or JW ideals fault
    I was fairly calm, and I didn't mince or censor words in my conversation, and he sounded more desperate than self-righteous. His hope for the "new world" clearly brings him comfort, and I don't wish to take that from him.
    What is telling though; I flat out asked him
    "How do you explain to other people that you're shunning your child and pretending he doesn't exist?"
    And he hemmed, hawed, and deflected and asked me "what I believe in now?" Which lead to his criticism of my agnosticism.
    He had no answer.
  • freemindfade
    You are walking out of a prison, a prison anyone can leave any time they want. Its the prison of what other think of you. The witnesses choose to stay locked up their, and sometimes we fear leaving because our perspective is wrong, we see shunning as a prison, when really its them inside, we are walking out to freedom. I have experienced like you the trauma of this ordeal so i am not being unsympathetic, just giving you some perspective from further down the road. Rise above them, pity them in their small prison of fear and treat them accordingly. You can't shake them awake, that only causes them to put up walls. Take the high ground whether they come with you or not, and try to make it past this painful part.
  • Crazyguy
    I like to bring up Jesus in these type of conversations, he said all that believe in me have life as a gift. He said any who give or do any acts of kindness to his followers would be remembered and considered his brother, he said not to shun and that doing so makes one like a tax collector and he said to forgive 70x7. Then I would ask, since the JWs either don't believe in these comments or don't apply them or do what Jesus said then how can they be gods organization because God said this is my son my beloved listen to him. They do not listen!
  • steve2

    "How do you explain to other people that you're shunning your child and pretending he doesn't exist?"
    And he hemmed, hawed, and deflected and asked me "what I believe in now?" Which lead to his criticism of my agnosticism.

    It's a funny kind of shunning when you can still engage him in an argument!

    How can you say he's shunning you when he is still talking to you (albeit in the context of an argument)?

  • magotan

    I think he's tired. He's called me last year out of the blue just to see how I was doing.

    he sounds more scared and frustrated rather than self righteous.

    he'll be 63, and he's been a JW for 38 years now.

  • ToesUp


    I think a lot of the older ones are scared and frustrated. Their paradise has not showed up. They are starting to realize they are going to die.Sad

  • All for show
    All for show
    My mom especially, is the same way. In her 60's, the end hasn't come, never thought her children would have children... doesn't believe most what the GB is saying. Yet- where else should she go? My siblings think they are scared-lost-and don't know what to believe while facing the last 10/15 good years of their life.
  • new boy
    new boy
    Tell him that one day you hope have children, his grand children and they will have nothing to do with him. A reverse shun. Ask him how that will feel? Abusive?
  • steve2
    Sad indeed. Captive to a concept and unable to see beyond their immediate situation.
  • magotan

    It's odd how they really think I believe the same way they do now. He asked how I felt "with the political things of this world, does it have hope?" And I said I'm here to do the best I can with the life I have now - and this was a foreign concept to him. He thought it was unthinkable.

    for the record, I'm 22, and I came out of the closet at 19 - where I was promptly asked to leave my house and I was sort of forced into disassociating. According to them, this is a choice. I was initially homeless and nowhere to go - according to them I chose this.

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