After knowing the TTATT I felt anger of all the lies I was told for years. Then, I did some changes in my life to the better. I was doubting but felt relieved. But now, I feel my fading is slowing.
I have to go to the meetings for the sake of my family and still be serving as MS. Despite that, all the doubts became certainties but I have still to pay lip service to the religion, nodding to everything coming from the platform and what is worst, having to pronounce lies from there.
At the same time, while I'm in this process of quitting the religion, I'm trying to adapt to the world. I made important changes (getting a better job, etc.) but I'm struggling with meeting new people. Also, I'm realising all the time lost in the religion. But being still inside makes me feel very sad. I feel like living in two completely different worlds.
In fact, last week it was the birthday of one of my colleagues at work and they planned to buy a cake. Then, at the office they sang "Happy birthday". I rejected to sing other times but I wanted to do it this time. I started singing it but felt so bad after it!
Don't know if it's normal for you who are fading now or faded in the past. I'm feeling so lonely. A colleague at work noticed it but I couldn't explain it all. How to explain it to someone that knows nothing about the JW world?
Did you experienced the same during fading? How are you managing it?