Ended my last J-Dub friendship...

by Joliette 13 Replies latest jw friends

  • Joliette
    Joliette

    I wrote her a text message telling her not to contact me anymore. Found out that she went back and told my mother some stuff about me.

    I shouldnt have never given her my phone number....she's my next door neighbor.

    She would always ask if I was going back to the kingdom hall, I would tell her no...people know that I'm not going back to the kingdom hall, and they STILL think that I'm going back.

    I'm planning on moving from my hometown in 2 years and I CANNOT wait to leave!!!! So tired of people still thinking I'm a J-Dub, I've told people I havent been to the kingdom hall since 2011, and they still think I'm going back.

  • LongHairGal
    LongHairGal

    JOLIETTE:

    Unfortunately, that's the way it has to be. I only have one JW friend left and if the day comes and I have to say 'bye', then so be it.

    I'm a longtime "fader" and this person knows I'm out but they are still my friend because they know I'm not judging them. But, if they cave in to pressure from the busybodies in the hall, I'll have to do something similar to what you did. I know it feels bad but you get to a point that you just can't have this in your life anymore.

    You'll find new friends in the New Year😄.

  • just fine
    just fine

    I cut all ties because in my experience no matter what they always think you are coming back. Then gossip about you or try to guilt you into returning. Not a true friendship based on love and acceptance.

  • moreconfusedthanever
    moreconfusedthanever

    For those of us that fade our friends and family will always hold out hope that we return. The constant requests that we do so is the price we must pay to be able to continue having a relationship with our families.

  • Apostate Anonymous
    Apostate Anonymous
    For those of us that fade our friends and family will always hold out hope that we return. The constant requests that we do so is the price we must pay to be able to continue having a relationship with our families.

    Couldn't have said it better. I still get invited to the Memorial and Assemblies every year LOL

  • ShirleyW
    ShirleyW

    she's your neighbor, so, like she runs to your mom and tell her things, knock on her door and curse her out and set her straight.

  • kairos
    kairos

    There is one magic word that will set the record straight:
    'Apostate'

    If you say you are one, they'll literally become afraid of you.
    I'm living that.

    My wife is afraid of me.
    My in-laws and upwards of 500 local dubs in 3 counties are scared.
    < scared I'll tell them the truth >

    It is empowering on some twisted level.

  • punkofnice
    punkofnice
    Jolly - I shouldnt have never given her my phone number....she's my next door neighbor.

    I can imagine her if you block her number. (This is how I imagine her speaking), 'Yeehah. Yippee kai ay. I don't gots that day-amn cellphone number no mores. I better beat my feet to her dooo-ar. Yes siree. Hot diggaty dawg.'

    Sorry, I don't watch enough American TV to get all the nuances. Mind you, I don't like British TV either.....don't know why I pay the bleedin' licence. Things on TV...yuk. Sorry, but I digress.

    I've told people I havent been to the kingdom hall since 2011, and they still think I'm going back.

    This is typical. They actually DO think like this, don't they! They think it's the 'truth™' therefore they thin that you must know it's the 'truth'. I know jobos just like that.

    May your moving away plans go swiftly and well, young lady.

  • Good JW
    Good JW

    I'm in agreement with "moreconfusedthanever"; it's part of the package deal we get for "fading". May feel like we're getting sloppy seconds (not their full attention), or as a recent fader said to me, like a girlfriend who'll only see you at the weekends lol.

    Before any hasty decisions are made you have to weigh up whether it's worth cutting the "umbilical cord", or perhaps there's a way around it? As much as it's not ideal (i.e. the relationship between a JW and an ex JW), it's still a connection that's hard to replace, especially when it comes to long time friends or family. It's not impossible, just difficult and may take years before you truly bond with another person, depending on your personality.

    Of course, it's totally your call and you know the situation better than anyone here. Just speaking from personal experience - I, like yourself got to the end of my tether at one point and pretty much cut off all ties from friends in the kingdom hall (except one). However, in hindsight I know now that it didn't have to be that way, and the loneliness felt could have been prevented. Long story short, I have my own gym and let the brothers use it, although eventually I started to feel taken for granted (which lead to all sorts of brooding/self pity lol, much of which I blamed on the religion) so told them all to stop coming. That kind of threw a spanner in the works (fobbed them off a lot) and eventually they got the message and stopped making the effort.

    It's definitely hard when you know for sure that you're the victim in all this, been nice/understanding yet still getting gossiped about. In this regard though, it's only preparatory for life in general so you don't necessarily have to see it as a negative thing. It happens to various degrees in all walks of life. It'll be old news sooner or later, and I've found that riding the storm will keep your sanity and help to keep things in perspective. You'll accept it as part of life, and understand that no matter what you do you'll be gossiped about (either because their life is so sad, out of jealousy, or both). You're damned if you do, and damned if you don't. If you "sin" you'll be talked about. If you're successfully people will resent you. Eventually, gossip often comes round to bite the gossiper in the *ss (and sometimes the willing listener too); it negatively affects those involved (e.g. you label that person as untrustworthy), not just the person being spoken about.

    Just got to rise above it all, and express yourself to those who understand. The ex JW community have been through it all and can totally relate.

  • scratchme1010
    scratchme1010
    I'm planning on moving from my hometown in 2 years and I CANNOT wait to leave!!!! So tired of people still thinking I'm a J-Dub, I've told people I havent been to the kingdom hall since 2011, and they still think I'm going back.

    I know that feeling very well, growing up in a small town, middle-of-nowhere, Puerto Rico, surrounded by people who have nothing better to do than minding other people's business.

    As others have mentioned, don;t expect a good reception or positive reaction to your actions around your relationship with the JWs. They feel like they always have to have the last word in everything.

    Also, prepare yourself for what comes next. I'm quite sure that that's not the end of it. Ending the friendship to JWs is permission to do what they do, which is precisely what she was doing anyway, talking shit about you without your permission and behind your back.

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit