Struggling to Live a Lie

by Addison0998 26 Replies latest jw friends

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  mentalclarity

  I wouldn't do anything to arouse suspicion if you plan on keeping some sort of relationship with family after you fade. No asking questions or addressing doctrinal issues. Make it seem as if you're just going through a hard time personally, in general, with your life - that seems plausible for JWs without getting their "apostate" radar tingling.

  I spent most of my teen years double-lifing and completely zoning out at meetings so i know it can be done. Think about plans for the future- do your bills- plan a vacation- just occupy your mind while you're at meeting. Think of it as free thinking time for yourself. I also had my own car so I often came in right when the meeting started and left as soon as it finished. That avoided unnecessary conversations and questions/comments about my lack of enthusiasm. Literally, thousands (if not more) of young adults have done this before you- so many in my hall turned 18, left their house and were never seen again.
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  Finkelstein

  I think the best approach toward leaving the JWS cult and still wanting to have a relationship with still in family members is to fade out quietly, no DA letter, no big fan fare just not participate with anything JWS.

  If asked why just say you'd like to keep your personal opinion to yourself.

  This is very important let all JWS know that your not going to be openly oppositional to their participation.

  This has worked for me and my own family.

  Watch out for JWS to corner one with pressure to why your leaving, they will trust me.

  Its easy to start throwing stones at the religion in general but the JWS have a built in assertive resolve to people that do and I think you know what that is.

  Take care Addison0998.
  

  
  
  
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  joe134cd

  To be honest I'm not a big fan of DAing. Just quietly walk out the door. When I was first learning TTATT. After I worked through the human imperfection and failings to this is an organization that is simply just wrong and at best is trying to cover it up. I honestly believed I could live in 2 different world's of knowing TTATT and still be an active member. Did I underestimate myself. With in 18 months of learning TTATT, I had physically walked out the door. I certainly take my hat off to all the PIMOs out there.
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  Confusedandangry

  I know it’s stupid of me, but it’s also unnatural to live like this so I’m not too hard on myself

  Its actually not stupid of you. Many of us have had to live a double life because of our circumstances. However it can drive one mad if you do it for too long. Because you are right-its NOT natural. Sadly, If you raise ANY suspicion your life might get even more complicated. Like others have said-try to focus on other things during the mtg, use your phone or ipad reading other material or planning for your escape. Don't rock the boat unless you are ready to face the consequences. Good luck you can do it !

  D
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  nmthinker

  Just tell people you are depressed, always worked for me. When I was still PIMO I knew I wouldn't last more than a year. So I set a date in my head when I would stop going to meetings. That light at the end of tunnel kept me alive till it was time to cut off the J-dub experience (tm)
  
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  LongHairGal

  ADDISON0998:

  Yes, it’s terrible sitting there at meetings when you know what you know.

  But, you have to do what’s best for you. If you want to do a successful fade, keep your mouth shut and gradually stop doing things.

  In my case, though, I cannot keep my mouth shut so I had a day that I stopped going “cold turkey”. It just so happened to coincide with a death in my family but I live alone. Your circumstances are different. Maybe you could manufacture a credible reason to stop going but you will have to screen phone calls, etc.

  It can be done but know this:...in time they will know you are out and you WILL experience shunning. There is no getting away from this. Some JWs kid themselves that they can hold onto their friends. They are deluding themselves.

  The question for you is, how much aggravation do you want to experience before this UNAVOIDABLE eventuality?
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  dubstepped

  Disassociation, as a person that actually did it along with my wife, is fantastic. Yes the shunning stings, but we are free to say what we want, when we want, do what we want, and never have to look over our shoulders.

  People telling you that it's "playing their game" are often (not always) people that faded that you can see complaining often about how they have to play along with family or attend a JW event. They literally play their game while telling others that disassociation is playing the JW game. It's so ridiculous, this attitude toward those of us with the balls to take a stand. You don't want to? Fine. I'll never go on threads about fading and tell you what I think. But every time disassociation is mentioned everyone piles on.

  Addison, you do you. Fade if you can stomach it. If you can't, disassociation is a fantastic option but know that it's a bell you cannot unring. If you know that and make a decision in good faith to do so, know that you'll be free of them, but that also means you'll be free of them forever. For some they think that saving family, even toxic assholes, is worth selling themselves out and staying in the cult. For others that's not a good choice or healthy. Others have fairly healthy family to save. We all have different circumstances and have to pick what fits us.

  Disassociation is exiting their game. Game over, when and where you want it, as your choice.
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  Finkelstein

  Disassociation is exiting their game. Game over, when and where you want it, as your choice.

  I would agree with that dubstepped but everyone has their own circumstances, like if your still living with your JWS parents or your employed with a JWS etc.

  Each individual has to chart their course individually pertaining to their own situation.
  
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  dubstepped

  @Finklestein - Did I not acknowledge that?
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  Crazyguy

  Don’t loose your family over this religion just become aloof at the hall, ignore the crap and go as little as possible. It’s mostly a social thing with so many not really knowing anything anyway.