What or Who is a Jehovah's Witness?

by Vanderhoven7 13 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • Finkelstein

    A Jehovah Witness as described is nothing more than the WTS's own designated sales representatives , trained or ( Brainwashed ) as the case may be.

  • Muddy Waters
    Muddy Waters

    Yes, perfect descriptions of JWs!


    A JW is a person who is dedicated to their G.O.D. -- their Guardians Of Doctrine, the Governing bODy --

    - and who must thus follow *all* of their G.O.D's - these Governing bODy members' - directives,
    (OR ELSE they will be considered apostate, going against the direction of Jehovah's holy spirit, thus rejecting "God's spirit-directed organization on earth today", i.e., "Jehovah's earthly organization".)

    - and to remain loyal to their God/G.O.D. - these seven Governing bODy members -- JWs must report some amount of time spent in "field service" (their 'ministry') every month in order to remain "members in good standing within the congregation",
    (OR ELSE they will be considered "inactive", thus "spiritually weak", and quite possibly, or most likely, "bad association" ....)

    - JWs also have an EXTREME FEAR OF DEMONS and are actually very superstitious, in a weirdly opposite way that most superstitious people are superstitious...

    lol... oh boy, I'm thinking of the most ridiculous things now.


    - JWs are people who WON'T THROW RICE or confetti at weddings,

    - nor TOAST you

    - or say "BLESS YOU" after you sneeze...


    Oh, and guess what!

    Yes, the Governing bODy - the Guardians Of Doctrine (G.O.D.) - will be REWARDED by becoming FELLOW-WORKERS (workers meaning LEADERS) IN HEAVEN WITH JESUS (whoever he is) ....!! CHRIST!

    And what marvelous things will they do???

    What will they accomplish??
    Why, they are going to kill everybody in a war called Armegeddon, but don’t worry, because it’s a totally righteous war (especially for JWs)

    and it will be a really great and wonderful blessing to mankind ('mankind' meaning only those JWs who are approved by God/G.O.D. to survive this terrible and great day —

    YET EVEN THE MOST RIGHTEOUS, ZEALOUS, LOYAL JW may only "probably" survive,

    because you never know, they might not be quite “righteous enough”…

    Anyway, in this exciting battle:

    people will urinate from fear
    and their bowels will loosen

    and their ... eyeballs will rot in their sockets ...
    something like that...

    blah dee blah ...

    It’s going to be incredible FEAR and HORROR and DESTRUCTION --

    but all OKAY because it's from GOD/G.O.D. remember, so yay!!

    No worries -- all is okee-dokee!! — eventually, that is, because:

    And all JWs have the wonderful:

    - PROSPECT OF CLEANING UP THE EARTH after all this devastation.
    But no, really, it's OKAY!! Because it will be PARADISE! (yay! Aren't you feeling all the love and happiness???) -- as soon as all the BIRDS OF THE EARTH finish eating up all the dead people lying around everywhere...

    oh gosh.


    This is what it means to be a Jehovah's Witness.

    And this is only a glimpse into being a JW.... as we all *well know*!!


    Sorry to go morbid.

    (Gee, who would ever think that a person could start getting MORBID when talking about what it means to be JW..??? Bwhahahahahaha!!!)


    Anyway, back to humor and laughter now.... whew.


    JWs - masters of discognizance.

  • Muddy Waters
    Muddy Waters

    Sorry for sounding a bit crazy and disjointed there, haha... some of my text was erased when I was trying to fix a few things, then a whole block of other text disappeared, so there seems to be a technical problem coupled with some possible user fatigue, heh.

    Night night, all.

  • smiddy

    Since Isaiah 43:10 was written to the nation of Israel, then the pre-Christian Jews were Jehovah's Witnesses.

    Good point Sparky1 ,

    And did the pre Christian Jews ever identify themselves as Jehovahs Witnesses by name ?

    No of course not it was never meant for them to convey Gods chosen people be called by that name /designation.

    Why not ? because of what is written in scripture at Acts 11:26b "and it was first in Antioch that the disciples were BY DIVINE PROVIDENCE CALLED CHRISTIANS"

    THEY WERE NOT CALLED Jehovahs Witnesses.

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