A month ago I travelled alone to Italy for three days and I had the opportunity to visit the beautiful Florence and re-visit many parts of Rome.
But most importantly, I had the opportunity to stay alone and think about my situation and to make up my mind.
I've had very clear for almost 5 years that I will eventually leave the religion, but I couldn't decide when.
But now I know : I will leave on April 20th, the day after the Memorial.
That day I will talk to my parents (this is by far the hardest thing to do) and soon afterwards I will talk to my closest friends, then I will send my disassociation letter. I know that I will let them down, I will hurt them, most probably some of them will cry... but I need to live coherently for the first time in my life. I'm sure that living in this contradiction is affecting and will affect my mental health and it's time for me to help myself instead of others.
I sincerely can't see myself in that situation on that day, it sounds like a fictional story to me... and I am afraid that that fear may eventually hold me back and make me do nothing and stay the same. In fact, I'm afraid of posting this in case I end up doing nothing and getting discredited.
If I could get your support or read how you dealt with those situations I would appreciate it so much.
Thank you in advance.