Raising kids in a split faith household (page 2)

TheFadingAlbatros

You are faced with a difficult situation, but not an insoluble one. I have known much more difficult situations before I have decided after four decades to dissociate myself from the JW cult. One of the main conditions so the ball remains in your court : Do never open the door of your home to one of the underlings of the JW.Org, even if your wife or one of your children implores you to do it. If you allow one underling of the JW.Org inside your house, at the same time manipulation will enter into your private court. Take care and sincerely all the best !!!

Xanthippe

I don't think she will ever discover ttatt. And I'm not asking her too, but it's hard and frustrating at times not to outright mock her faith. Trying to be respectful

Just be yourself. Use the scientific knowledge you have without mocking. As your kids grow if they repeat something stupid from the religion correct if with facts, reason with them.

My dad was never a JW and he watched science programs on TV and left books on astronomy and evolution around the house just because he was interested in those subjects. Be yourself, your kids will pick up more than you realise from you. I learned a hell of a lot from reading my dad's science fiction books. I found that some JWs didn't even know the sun is a star.

TheLiberator

I know this is not comforting. I am in the same position with two children we adopted. For me, it is a two edged sword. I hate to say this, but the youngest boy would be unbearable if he didn't have the strict control and his mom taking care of that end of things. Family life is quite manageable right now. Because my mom has stopped talking to me, I often will ask the kids when the opportunity arises, "How would you feel if your mom stopped talking to you? It wouldn't be loving would it? Well, your grandma stopped talking to me because I am not a Jehovah's witness. But I will always talk to you, because the Bible tells us to show love."

But now, I worry that while things are calm now, (sorry, this is due to the cult), how will they feel later when they discover why dad is not a witness? I fear that they will despise there mom. One reason for that, is that I feel that my wife knows that I am not messed up. I have shared TTATT in the very early part of my departure. So, my plan is to ask her, "how will she feel when the kids learn what I know later down the road? You may be sincere, but kids will not see it that way. Do you want them to harbor bad feelings towards you?"

I am sorry that I am a straight shooter in my approach. That is not the way for some. But the pain will come now or later. I would rather get it over with. And while it would be nice to get the kids out now while they are still little, some things you can't control. Worrying will not fix it. But if you get them out later as teenagers, that is better than nothing. I know my 20 year old is very happy I saved him at 19.

I wanted to add, that I don't feel, regardless of what I believe, that simply showing the kids science and evolution will change things. Many kids will not connect the dots. Simply, because these things are "bad". But kids do see hypocrisy. They understand concepts of love. They do know what a lie is in the context of the organization.

rathernotsay

There's some useful advice here.. thanks everyone. The 3 and 5 year old already understand that I am not a witness. Well more they understand I dont come to the meetings but I think Mr 5 knows now that dad doesn't believe what he or mum does.

Its hard to separate them from the cult. Their friends are all witnesses, as most are just the children of friends of hers.

I do certainly make time to do things with them that are far removed from this cult, whether that's taking them out to the park, bike rides etc. I guess by comparison it's not too bad for us, she accepts that I don't want them to be jws and it's never really discussed in my house, while I'm around anyway.

mommyfirstandalways

I recently left and my children are very young but my ex-husband still takes them to meetings . I am allowing this for now. I have told each of my children that when they are adults they can decide if they want to get baptized and become witnesses or not but that they can only make that decision when they are adults out of school. They also are closer to me than they are at their dad so I am hopeful that because of our bond not because of my bad mouthing of the religion they will choose not to live that life . Stay positive enjoy your time with your children and plan small seeds of doubt as the years go on .

pbrow

Your situation does not sound like a run for the hills scenario. 67% of kids leave... across the board, that is kids that are in the bubble. If those kids have an a strong outlet for being normal kids (bursting the bubble) which you will give them, your odds will be better.

Allow sleepovers, allow sports, allow band, student council, girl and boy scouts and you will see how powerful bursting that bubble is.

You dont even need to push anti jdub stuff, you just need to reason on what they are learning at the kh and allow them to live normal lives. My children are early teens and already show an aversion to the dub lifestyle simply because I allow them to do things normal kids can do and I only have them 50% of the time.

Break the bubble and let the cards fall where they may.

Good luck,

pbrow

Crazyguy

what ever you do be proactive, to many people in this forum seem to be of the attitude of just let things be you can't get people out of the cult unless something wakes them up. I disagree with this approach the cult is getting better at trying to keep ones in. Thier using video and other tools thier encouraging the whole congregations to take the little ones under thier wings and thier having MS take the boys and study with them and a Pioneer sisters to take the girls. While your alone in the fight the mate had the whole congregation. They see you as a threat to the lives of your kids. So if your not proactive you may loose them all and even if one does leave they may have all sorts of problems do to the cult.

DesirousOfChange

If you have not already done so, go out and get "Combatting Cult Mind Control" by Steven Hassan.

A person who is under the influence of a cult has two personalities. One, the cult personality. Two, the real personality. You must always work at ways to communicate with and appeal to their real personality.

Good luck,

Doc

SafeAtHome

I am not nor ever have been in this situation, nevertheless I have read all these posts and think there is some great advice here coming from ones who are or have been in your place. Coming across strong is making time to do fun, normal things with your kids. Boundaries must also be set as to the level of indoctrination you will allow (they are your kids too). Be cautious of how others at the KH may influence them or speak negatively of you. And, try to find times to volunteer with them to help others and be around good, kind hearted "wordly" people so they can see for themselves that non JWs are not scary evil people. It's not an enviable position you are in but sounds like you've got a handle on it and stick with it.

berrygerry

This post is one of the best that I've seen:

https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/4iv07u/bible_drama_backfire/

Most bible Stories could be played out in the same manner.

Raising kids in a split faith household

Share this