Shall I disassociate myself too? I’m the only one left now.

by Theonlyoneleft 15 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Theonlyoneleft

    Hi everyone,

    Please bear with me as this might be a long one,

    The question above has been circulating my mind for a while and I’ve been wondering if there’s anyone that thought the same or done it.

    we normally associate shunning and disassociation with Jehovah’s Witnesses that are normally baptised, but my situation is a reversed one.

    i was a bible student that left a long time ago on my own free will, never shunned never ostracised by my JW’s siblings and their families. The years have passed and situations have arisen that has made me uncomfortable of the knowledge of particular outcomes within my siblings and families.

    I’ve been thinking to stay away from my family( living in a different country ), as I don’t want to be preached on or feel out of touch and segregated by their opinions of me and my family. To us we are normal people living ordinary lives, nothing special there....but when I meet my family I feel judged and I find myself back to the confined world of JW’s behaviour. Doesn’t feel like I’m me, everything needs to be measured and calculate, ideas, conversions and the most innocent of actions.

    I feel that I’m lying and I believe that they don’t know who I am as a person. We don’t seem to connect on anything.... but I have noticed that when we all get together that they have an instant connection, did you hear the new program or have you studied this or the new awake article blah blah. Russia was a huge conversational topic in a very panic way.

    So I’ve been thinking to disassociate myself from them. We are not siblings that are connected all the time, sister is a pioneer, busy of course... brother is an elder and brothers wife is also a pioneer also busy.

    Parents are long gone, they weren’t witnesses, so we were able to grow and see both worlds, siblings started studying as home life was not a great one.

    I’ve started researching more about the witnesses world a good few months ago. And things that I didn’t paid much attention to just came to a lightbulb moment. The hierarchy of the elders families, segregation of poorer families like mine, the invitations for functions that never happened, the gossiping even my clean cut fathers funeral.... my father studied before his death.

    my sister in particular is such an intellectual and intelligent woman but this small bubble world has robbed her from who she once was, she lost the ability to rationalise the most simple of things. I then say... actually it’s not that a bigger deal, I’m sure this never rings home though.

    So what do you think? Should I ignore my feelings of feeling deceitful a not good enough soul and like we say here in the UK “carry on” or should I act on it for my health and state of mind? Anyone felt like this before? I bet a JW’s has never thought that we can disassociate ourselves from them too.

    Thank you in advance for any advice.

  • lriddle80

    If you feel like you can shun them, go for it. They probably won't care much as they really just want to be around other jw.

  • moreconfusedthanever

    I have often thought about this. They will shun us when they are asked to but what if we decide to shun them? They wouldn't care. They would feel like it's just expected persecution.

  • smiddy3

    I didn`t still have family in when I DA`d myself from the religion and that was about 20 years after fading from the religion .

    And I was quite happy to do so as it gave me peace of mind that I could in fact DF them from my life.

    You just need to do what you think is best and what will make you happy .

  • The Fall Guy
    The Fall Guy


    Burning bridges is fine if you are convinced you are happy to cut off all ties.

    My personal view is that I despise JW's evil practice of shunning, so why should I imitate their evil behaviour?

    If you don't cut yourself off from them, get clued up on various topics which JW's will not want to, or be able to give an honest response, and whenever you get together with them, raise one of the topics and see how long it takes them to shun you. PM me if you'd like to see some of my favourite Q&A's.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Once you have identified yourself as Satan's Minion, your chances of having sensible conversations with them are finished, It's much better to go with the flow and keep your opinions to yourself and ask the occasional awkward question that makes them think without being too pushy about it and demanding they answer.

    I still have a relationship with most of my JW family members. It is dysfunctional because I never got baptized, but that is better than being an 'out there' big scary Apostate that must be avoided at all costs.

  • Giordano

    Number one........Welcome to this forum Theonlyoneleft! You might think about changing your Forum name to Theonlysmartoneleft lol.

    My wife and I walked away when we were in our early 20's ......... five decades ago. Back in those days the Society ignored it's apostates. Opposition didn't amount to much if you kept your disagreements under cover.

    However family members who were in...... would argue and consistently push their beliefs. Over the years we all drifted apart. Family ties aside there is no one more boring then then a believing JW other then a Mormon!

    The JW world was filled with nonsense back then most of which was found in the writings of Russell, Rutherford and Franz.All out of print.

    In today's JW world the nonsense comes from the Governing Body only now we have the internet, forums like this one, the latest new light from the world of science. EX JW's can now grow up and become informed adults.

    I don't mind talking to JW's if they call at my door or they are a distant family member who needs some help otherwise those that can't see us or hear us........ we ignore.

    The JW religion has morphed into a tribe. Tribal ties are very strong. You don't stay you....... if you buy into a tribe that tells you to dance around the fire....cause that's what they do.

    Always remember that they would allow their children to die for want of a life saving blood transfusion so that they could still belong to the tribe.

  • Jazzbo

    Why play by their rules?

  • dozy

    I've never been a big fan of "disassociating". To me - it just seems to be playing by the Societies rules.

    Most of us have relatives "still in". I'm faded and it does slightly irritate me when I meet them & they start going on about the JW stuff. Some do - others never mention it. Generally I just kind of tolerate it - the impression I get is that they are just counting a bit of easy field service time , especially the pioneers.

    Sometimes it is a good opportunity to kind of mildly anti-witness a bit and throw in a few curve balls "I heard 10 year olds were getting baptised now - is that true? What's the Societies view on beards now ? Whatever happened to xxx ( a JW you know has recently left the Org. ) . A relative starting speaking about Chelmsford ( the new UK Bethel ) and the longer he talked about it , the more he began to be critical of all the expense , constant demands for money despite the millions from selling the London properties and the lavish facilities such as the swimming pools and expensive wood finishes etc.

    If it really p***ses you off ,why not just tell them quite strongly that you don't want to hear about JW business and you left all that a long time ago. DAing yourself seems a bit of a nuclear reaction.

  • Introvert 2
    Introvert 2

    A nuclear reaction is always good in the face of manipulators and impostors hehe !

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