In only the short time I have been no longer lurking but also posting, I have discovered some people with situations and reactions very similar to mine. I guess there are different ways people get out, some do something and are outright shunned, then they may find TTATT and stay out. But there may be more and more like me, who are 100% mentally out, but for the reason of not losing spouse and family fade. In these similarities I began to believe there must be phases people go through on their way out. Maybe this can be worked on over time, but I propose this as the phases to free your mind.
Phase 1: Listening to your own rational mind. Maybe its what you read in the bible that goes against what your mind choses to accept. Maybe its bible vs science. Perhaps its the literature from the org that you view the same way. Or maybe its and experience from the organization, in the hall or bethel that has got your mind saying, "is this true?". This may happen again and again, for me it was 30 years of my life, but until I decided I was not going to shut off reason and was going to allow myself to think rationally, nothing would change. I had to listen.
Phase 2: Sampling outside "the Truth" This one is hard for me to put my finger on, but somehow you indulge a double life, maybe only dabbling in it, spending time with people outside the org, not caring about entertainment choice, breaking more serious rules, you may still feel guilty in this phase and hold on to some vestiges of being a witness. At this point you still might not read "apostate" material. This may be your last stronghold
Phase 3: Sampling TTATT. The frustration that builds between you're thinking rationally and you seeing that outside the org is not what they make it appear, will now make you give up your last stronghold and begin seeing what the apostates have to say, these people that you've been indoctrinated to believe spread only slander and lies. And being one is the worst possible thing you could be. But you go look. Maybe watch a few youtube vids, look at some exjw ig posts. You dabble, and try to pull back and process but you find this is now starting to feel like an addiction, you've looked down the rabbit hole, now you want to go in.
Phase 4: Immersing yourself in TTATT. Now you begin to feel how bad you were lied to, and the sand castle of "the truth" begins to wash away. How many of your life decision were made based on indoctrination from this organization? How many people did you hurt? Did you see hurt? Time wasted? Then you realize you want the f&%k out... but wait... you can't leave. (hotel California right?) You are stuck, you are embarrassed to be a part of this, and angry and you can't do a damn thing.
Phase 5: Detox. This is a critical point when things can explode. You may get confrontational with your spouse, you may suffer the attention you get as you stop commenting, stop going out in field service, or as you do these things you feel like a complete hypocrite. then this happens:
- Anger, then
- Anxiety, then
- Acceptance
At this critical point things could blow up, spiral out of control, you could DA yourself if thats good with you, but if like me you don't want to lose ties, you must over come the anger and anxiety. You must overcome two ways your mind has worked as a witness to get though the anger and anxiety and make a reasonable decision when you get to acceptance. 1. you must get over you're all or nothing mentality. This is how you used to think, you're in "the truth" or you're out. Stop thinking that way. Take yourself out mentally before removing or not removing yourself physically. 2. As TTATTelder said so eloquently "time is on your side". Why did we rush in to get baptized? My mom made me feel (20 years ago) if i didn't Armageddon was coming tomorrow and I was old enough now that jehovah would kill me for not choosing to be baptized. So I made a life altering decision at just 15! Because time was against me. You must realize there is no point rushing out, this will quell the anxiety you have living a lie. Get comfortable with the idea of thinking for yourself, and learning all you can about real truth. Get used to not being blinded by belief.
The best way to get acceptance which poises you to move on in which ever way you choose, is to find someone else just like you. You need to speak out loud about TTATT and the more you do and lightening doesn't strike you, you will come to peace with all this. Detox is almost done, for me, two of my friends were the first people i felt safe to vent to. Both faders, one for a long time, but still never learned TTATT, and the other just starting. That gave me peace. You can get something similar here, talking to people like you. You will accept. You've freed your mind. But you will always carry this burden of being in it with you. But you can help others, and continued to learn and reinforce your choice to be free.
Some may have varied experiences, but I think think in general the faders that have gotten to our point have gone through some phases.
-FMF