Brother-in-Law DF’d but family doesn’t know he’s awake

Kathy1978

I haven’t posted in a while, but I wanted to share. So my brother-in-law was DFd a couple of weeks ago. His mom & dad are hardcore JWs so they are full shunning, but told him to hurry back. His wife is wanting him to come back too. The issue is he was DFd for a JW violation, not apostasy or anything, so they don’t know that he is awake and has no intention on going back. He has his brother (who is my husband) & myself to talk to, but he’s really struggling.

He said he knew the shunning was going to happen but wasn’t prepared for how it would make him feel. I hate that cult 😡

LongHairGal

KATHY1978:

I am sorry about your brother-in-law’s dealing with shunning and feeling the sting of it.

This is the Witness religion’s only way to retain people..I call it the shun-gun because it’s like holding a gun to somebody..I think as time goes on there will be fewer people held hostage to the religion because they will see it’s so bad that they have to make the sacrifice just to get the hell out.

I wish him luck and I hope he stays out and gets on with his life. People that go back and fake-it are never really happy IMO.

ToesUp

Even mental health experts call shunning a bullying and psychological torture. It is a sick tactic to bully you back into the cult. This is being sanctioned by the leaders of this cult. The rank and file are jumping on board with this disturbing tactic. No matter how strong you are, it affects you deeply. Especially when it comes down to the people we love the most, family.

I knew the shunning was going to happen to but it messes with your head. Watchtower knows this. The shunning has actually angered us to the point that we are going to let the still in family members know that this tactic WILL NOT "bring us back to Jehovah" but will do the opposite.

I'm sorry that your BIL is experiencing this. I do believe that the shunning will be Watchtower's next problem. It is what JW's call the "message of judgement." SCREW YOU WATCHTOWER!!!

Solzhenitsyn

It's a social and emotional form of modern-day torture.

On the other side of what ultimately is only short-term torture, exists an amazing freedom in every way.

One bad day outside the Watchtower cult is better than a thousand good days in it. This is something that seems best appreciated over time.

Kathy1978

Thanks for the support. I will be sure to share it with my BIL. ❤️

smiddy3

He said he knew the shunning was going to happen but wasn’t prepared for how it would make him feel.

The reality of it is short term pain ,but in the longer term the freedom ,exoneration from the soul destroying religion is something to enjoy.

Remember you are not shunning them ,they are shunning you ,it is their choice not yours .

stan livedeath

if someone shuns you--just send them a christmas card.

wish them well and invite them to call you when they feel the time is right.

you never know...

Kathy1978

smiddy3 - I 100% agree!!

slimboyfat

Terrible, I’m sorry to hear this. Get reisntated or don’t look back, who knows what is best? Unfortunately Watchtower has engineered the situation so there are no painless choices.

I’m not sure how much use is the advice that “remember you are not shunning them, they are shunning you” if it means to say you should attempt to carry on speaking to them as normal. I don’t have experience, but trying to talk to people who won’t talk to you must be pretty soul destroying. So I wouldn’t encourage it.

DesirousOfChange

The issue is he was DFd for a JW violation, not apostasy or anything. . .

If he feels that he must "fake it" and get reinstated to maintain communication with the elderly parents, this is certainly easier under these conditions than if he was discovered to be a "mentally diseased apostate". It's a lot easier to "prove" you're repentant about over-drinking, a little drug use, or even adultery. He would just have to grovel ("eat shit") for 6-12 months and play the "repentant" card. THEN, he could find a reason to start to fade.

Brother-in-Law DF’d but family doesn’t know he’s awake

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