The Effects of Sexual Abstinence Before Marriage

by cofty 11 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  cofty

  Very interesting article on the psychology of sexual abstinence and the effects it can have on sex life after marriage.

  It focusses on an evangelical group for single men called "The River" but the attitudes will be familiar to born-in JWs.

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  ..respondents had been told, since they were young, that women were nonsexual. At the same time, these men had also been taught that their wives would be available for their pleasure.

  It’s a double standard that’s in line with longstanding cultural ideals of the relationship between femininity and purity. But it’s a contradiction that leaves men unwilling to open up to the very women they’re having sex with.... After 25 years of being told that sex is something dangerous that needs to be controlled, the transition to married (and sexual) life is difficult, at best, while leaving men without the support they need. Women, meanwhile, are often left out of the conversation entirely. Read source article...
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  freemindfade

  I have always felt fundamentalists and bible attitudes or ideas towards sex are unhealthy psychologically. Even the idea of marriage (not dissing monogamy) but this obsession with god+your relationship.
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  Syme

  I was just thinking of posting the same article, cofty. Right on the spot :-)
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  cofty

  Not having sexual relationships before marriage is not healthy.

  I can't think of many JW couples who got married after we did who are still together.
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  snugglebunny

  My missus and I lived together for a year before we got married. Now that was daring back then, even amongst non-JW's. Our parents were outraged. But it was a dood decision.
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  Vidiot

  The older I got, the more the young people who I knew (who were still virgins) seemed...

  ...a little off somehow (psychologically speaking).

  x

  The more I thought about it, the more I came to suspect that sexual abstinence for the average adult human was a somewhat less-than-healthy course of action.

  Of course, it didn't hurt to realize that the majority of Biblical passages used to condemn nonmarital sex were written in the context of the ownership of women as property.
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  Scully

  If a belief system can compel you to supress natural sexual drives, it can control every aspect of your life.

  The problem with creating an artificial boundary "sex is reserved for people married to one another only" is that unmarried people - virgins - have this expectation that sex will be plentiful with a spouse, because it was completely absent prior to marriage. As well, it places pressure on people to marry too soon - not wanting to fall prey to sexual desire - and the couple might well be miserable because they really weren't that good of a match after all.

  It also allows for false value to be attributed to the virginal state, comparing it to a new, never used "something" (car, house, etc.). The first sexual experience can be scary and traumatic and disappointing - it gets better with experience, of course - but good sexual experience should be compared to a diamond or precious metal that doesn't lose its value over time, rather than being something worthless and shameful.

  My 2¢, YMMV.
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  Alchemist

  People who want until marriage to have sex have a much lower divorce rate than those who engage in premarital sex.

  Source: http://www.researchgate.net/publication/226141632_Premarital_Sex_and_Marital_Satisfaction_of_Middle_Aged_Men_and_Women_A_Study_of_Married_Lithuanian_Couples

  http://www.jubilee-centre.org/pre-martial-sex-cause-or-symptom-of-later-realtionship-difficulties/

  http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2014/08/22/relationshipstrategies/past-relationships-may-lower-marital-quality/
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  LisaRose

  The rigid, outdated biblical stance on sex outside of marriage is a prescription for sexual problems. Masturbation is forbidden, which create problems as it forces young people to marry quickly for sexual relief, often before they are mature and can make a rational choices, and without fully getting to know their partner. Also, many young women who do not masturbate do not know what turns them on, so will struggle reaching sexual climax, and their inexperienced partner often will not figure it out either.

  If two people are sexually incompatible, they will not find out until after marriage, at which points they are stuck, trapped in an unfulfilling marriage. Prudish attitudes about sex keep people from enjoying their sexuality and finding a suitable partner. A fulfilling, vibrant sex life is possible for everyone, but not if they are taught that sex is dirty unless it is between two married people.
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  Viviane

  People who want until marriage to have sex have a much lower divorce rate than those who engage in premarital sex.

  The second link is about young teens having sex, particularly when it is unwanted, not about pre-marital sex in particular.

  The third link is about a variety of factors such as how many partners, whether or not someone was into hooking up, whether or not they were faithful, to determine the quality of a marriage partner, not about pre-marital sex is particular.

  Seriously, do people think no one will read their links and notice the claims don't match reality?