Reconnecting by chance after a respectful parting.

by Ayeitsbooboo 13 Replies latest social relationships

  • Ayeitsbooboo
    Ayeitsbooboo

    A bit of context on the situation that occurred 8 years ago.

    I grew up with this woman. Beautiful person, not hat asthetically, just such a great human being. We always had feeling for each other. Not only that, we were missing pieces for each other’s respective puzzles. eventually those feeling lead to a moment where a decision was made to disconnect. Because I am not and never will be a pretender for anyone’s religion. I feel it’s disrespectful and usually leads to the worst situations. And she. She was steadfast in her belief. Which is fine. Her life. No one can tell her any different.

    Fast forward to week. I was invited to an event to which my normal response is to decline because I work so much. However that day I decided to go. And en route at a glance. I recognize without a doubt down the block is the same woman. As if the 8 years that had past were mere seconds. She hadn’t changed one bit.

    I take out my phone and search for her number. Hoping that it hasn’t changed through the years and as luck would have it. She picks up, looks around and spots me and within the first few sentences we picked up where we left off.

    We’ve seen each other twice now.

    and the difficult conversation arose again.

    But this time this thing she said is the thing that is driving me absolutely crazy.

    ”it’s sad that I cannot date you, somewhere down the line we will have a conflict over my belief. Because in all honesty you’re the only person I can be open and honest with. However, if I were to ever have a falling out. I would not let someone like you get away. People don’t often click the way we do”

    the reason its driving me crazy crazy is I knew her to be an immovable force with her belief, steadfast.

    does this mean that she’s considering the possibility now of exiting as a JW?

    if not for what she said, her action. Our seemingly perfect chemistry was the reason we disconnected in the first place. With that still being a thing, why go on a couple of dates at all if that is seen as a nono?

    I’ve not dated anyone since her, 8 years ago.

    and here I am again in the same situation.

    somehow.

    is it worth pursuing?

  • joe134cd
    joe134cd

    On my honest opinion just don’t do it.

  • freddo
    freddo

    I really don't know ... is she the type you could (for example) say ... (and mean it sincerely although choosing a subject that you believe is closest to her heart)

    I respect your beliefs but could you explain how you can go along with a religion that I can prove ...

    Hides child abuse for reputation and financial gain.

    Has leaders who time and time again over more than 100 years predict the end of this system and gets it wrong.

    Calls itself Jehovah's Witnesses when according to their own doctrine Isaiah 43 v 10 was superceded by the new covenent and now Acts 1 v 8 applies.

    Encourages no further education.

    Treats women as of little consequence, not allowing them to wear trousers to meetings, run microphones or help out around the kingdom hall on departments.

    Makes up rules and regulations beyond scripture. (No beards on the platform at assemblies, all men must wear a tie and suit when on the platform)

    Replaces articles with depth with kiddie cartoons and manipulative videos.

  • The Fall Guy
    The Fall Guy

    Tell her you'd like to have a "study" with her - a study to compare JW teachings with what the Bible says.

    What have you got to lose??? Nothing! Both of you can only gain. PM me if you'd like some info to use in your study.

    I wish you both well.

  • Scully
    Scully

    If she is as staunch a follower as OP says, she will not Study™ with him. She will ask another Brother™ to do it. I doubt that she'd even be permitted to sit in on the Study™.

  • Giordano
    Giordano
    She Said.........”it’s sad that I cannot date you, somewhere down the line we will have a conflict over my belief. Because in all honesty you’re the only person I can be open and honest with. However, if I were to ever have a falling out. I would not let someone like you get away. People don’t often click the way we do”
    does this mean that she’s considering the possibility now of exiting as a JW?

    Maybe....... however it might mean that she is not as completely focused on being a JW....that maybe your friendship also means a great deal to her at this point in her life.

    I’ve not dated anyone since her, 8 years ago.
    ................is it worth pursuing?

    Hell Yes!

    There are a lot of mixed marriages among the JW's some work well some don't.

    The JW's are going through a fair number of changes over the past 8 years. In many respects they are failing. Freddo's points are accurate and well considered. However attacking their beliefs is not a good tactic. Showing her respect and kindness is the way to go. Do not 'date' instead forge a relationship that can be built around simple things and interests that you have in common. Take a long walk in a park, see a movie, meet for coffee, visit a museum. Be friends.......... not lovers. Take your time.

    If this relationship grows then it may be possible to talk about marriage but only if you are both serious about respecting your individual point of views.

    She can't demand that you must become a JW and you can't demand that she must leave the religion.

    I'd say continue the relationship, value those things you can share and experience together, but be ever mindful of the boundaries she and you will have to live with. It's better knowing what restraints she is under then making a critical mistake.

    https://www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/disfellowship-shunning.php

    Scroll down this page (almost halfway down To reasons a JW can be Disfellowshiped and shunned.

    Good luck and welcome to the Forum.

    Gio

  • JakeM2012
    JakeM2012

    Perhaps you could benefit from encouragement about how truly great your freedom is. Visit MGTOW.com.

    There are a lot of things I enjoy without signing a legal document. Have fun!

  • stillin
    stillin

    Just a light rain on your parade.

    Pretty damn romantic! Life plays some mean tricks on you. A honeymoon that never ends! You want the most what you can't have. A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest. Love is blind. The only thing worse than not marrying her is marrying her.

    And so on...

    Don't say that you weren't warned.

    Welcome to the forum!

    Grumpus.

  • Ayeitsbooboo
    Ayeitsbooboo
    Jakem2012, thank you, Will check it out!

    Freddo, We've had similar conversations, But I was not really focused on the things that I haven't witness or seen with my own eyes.
    I don't want to sound like an extremely Ignorant person.
    But despite what I've read, and what people have told me.
    I still feel like its not my place to have any opinion on TJW as a whole, having only seen one side of the coin(the outside) and not having been a part of it and seeing for myself.

    Gio, you hit the nail on the head there.
    She would have to have a brother study with me.

    Stillin, yes indeed, A beautiful tragedy. simple-yet complicated.


    Thank you all for your imput and replies!
  • Giordano
    Giordano

    Ayeitsbooboo it was Scully that said "She would have to have a brother study with me." Credit due.

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