by run dont walk 38 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
Well for me its still hard, I've been out for almost a year, lost my wife and am suffering depression I'm having a hard time making friends and discovering this new way of life. I am relieved yet I miss the stability but it was all about lies, I hope with the help I'm getting from my doctors I will soon be better.
Lapuce
I left at the age of 18 and I am now 34. It still gets me down that my family remain JWs and the distance that causes. But in terms of my personal adjustments it was fairly plain sailing after the horrible years growing up in the Kingdom Hall. I got a job in a bar, shagged as many birds as I could, and got a PhD in Economics. It makes me cringe now to think of the cr@p that JWs believe and teach.
MNJAR:
Welcome!
You were fortunate to have your immediate family to draw on for strength and comfort. Many families have been completely shattered by the Society's cruel and heartless policies. Like you, we found many wonderful "worldly" people in our community who were doing so much more than we did as Jehovah's Witnesses to help their neighbors in a real and practical way. And this seems to be the real spirit of what Christ taught.
The illustration of the "good Samaritan" really drove this home to me. The "priest" and "Levite" of the story passed by the unfortunate man. They probably had "the truth" as it was then understood. But they lacked love and compassion. On the other hand, the Samaritan was an "apostate" and "heretic" in the eyes of many religious Jews of that time. Yet, it was the Samaritan who out of his heart responded to the need of this victim. What a stinging rebuke this must have been to the self-righteous Jews. What a lesson Jehovah's Witnesses could learn from this story. But, alas, I'm afraid it falls on spiritually deaf ears.
Leaving the dub's has been the worst and the best of times. After realizing I didn't have the security net of JW salvation to cover my ass, I became psychologically crippled by a chronic fear of dying, which is why I joined in the first place. Right after fading, my life became consumed by the thought of possibly dying in a car accident, terrorist attack, etc.... Every day was a battle to survive my own imaginary ARMAGEDDONS. I've never experienced loneliness, but plenty of health problems as a result. Trusting people is very hard especially after discovering that the people you thought never acted in self-interest disown you for being honest with them: how can you trust anyone after having been brainwashed to think non-JW's are evil? After nearly seven years, I'm finally meeting real people again through a good high school friend I've managed to keep. I'm chronically angry and hoping the rage will someday subside. The good side of all this nonsense is that I don't have to rely upon an organization to hand me a belief system on a silver platter. I believe what I believe because I believe and that's it. I don't need the pseudo-proofs of Bible prophecy, etc., to explain to people why my morality is right for me.
At first it was like being in a new world. no punn intended. scared and alone , I felt that if I started to get involved in christmas or holloween or some other normal activity, that I was a bad person. even though I did not believe. Slowley I started to feel more at home with becoming part of the world around me. my life awoke from the dead. I was not a bad person because I saw a r movie. or gave my wife a christmas present. selebrated my birth day. This more than anything else helped me to see how controled I really was. I became more angry. bitter. I feel better about myself. and they can not [I will not allow them to ] throw giult on me any more. I will live my life and if someone says that I an not a good person because I do not bow to the old man behind the curtian SCREW THEM IN THE MOUTH. It is thair problem. the lunitics will not tell me how crazy I am any more. this cat if free for life. After leaveing the cult I do think I can get past it. much like a rape victim, you may get past it but it will always be there. You just buy a big dam gun and shoot the rapist the next time thay try to screw you. lol
How did you adjust to the world after leaving JW land ? friends/lonliness ?
Answer: With JOY and some dismay of everything (the good things) missed over the years.
I left the JWs, in part, to make real friends and escape the loneliness of dealing with two-faced internecine cliques.
Eric
My disassociation was only announced about two weeks ago, so I'm still trying to re-integrate into the normal world. Mostly, I correspond with a few people over the internet, and I've had the pleasure of meeting a few in person, such as Rayzorblade and Aztec, who have done alot to encourage me.
Walter
Did you suffer from lonliness and depression after leaving ???
absolutely not, I felt depressed and lonely while I was in the borg, and that went away as soon as I left.
I had been "mentally out" for at least 4 years before leaving for good. I still have a little difficulty making friends and getting close to people, but it's certainly much better than while I was in I couldnt get close to anyone at all!
I am in my late 30's and spent over twenty years as a Witness, on the MS track, doing audio and building Halls and all the like.
I've read many posts here and elsewhere, and the predominant common element I find among former JW's is anger. I understand the anger, I expereinced it too, but I have to tell anyone who'll listen that it doesn't get you far. It's like a horse that will take you a short distance before dying under you, and I fear that many will spend the rest of their lives on the dead horse's back, digging in the spurs and hitting it with a crop, and wondering why it's not movnig.
Please understand that I'm not addressing your right to be angry. I'm addressing its effectiveness in your life. I suggest than even when anger is used to be effective in a particular area or arena in your life, you will find that the more you depend on anger anywhere in your life, the more you will pay prices in your ability to relate effectively with others. You'll do better motivating yourself some other way.
If you were raised as a Witness, you grew up with a very rigid, black-and-white worldview that was based on conditional love and perfomance-based acceptance. You were taught not to trust others, you were taught to have some very conflicted feelings about finances and money and success in the workplace, and you may have some complicated feelings about sex and dating and relationships (especially if you are single). You may also have some issues around how you were punished as a child, since many Witness kids were hit in ways that would be viewed as illegal today.
I'll suggest to you that the biggest challenge may be to actually feel unconditional love and acceptance. If you keep trying to connect mainly to the people that you used to connect with, it probably will be impossible. Here are three ways I can suggest to move forward here and create more expereinces of acceptance without performance (i.e., you don't have to earn real agape - it's not based on you doing everything right):
1) Meet people. Practice. Chat people up. Attach no significance to how they react, and have no agenda. Join some group - a hobby or activity group or a book club. Be willing to leave if it doesn't work without judging it.
2) DO some sort of cognitive work. Talk therapy is good, but slow. Group can be good if you have good member, but kooks are plentiful. Effectiveness or personal growth seminars are excellent as long as you don't get involved in anything to replace the Society in your life.
3) Do a physical practice. Many ex-JWs are distrustful of yoga, meditiation, or martial arts. Well, since we're now also distrustful of the society, we better start trusting something :) Even running or cycling is good, but something class-based is better. Many JWs are used to ignoring feelings and emotions, and this typs of physical work can get our minds to relax a bit and let our feelings come through.
JWs don't get much support in knowing themselves, but that knowledge is critical to making a positive difference in your life and the lives of others. Take responsibility for what you think and feel. Don't play victim to anyone, not even the Society. The past is past - what do you want to do now?
Most of us were raised to believe that we as individuals can't make a positive difference, that the world and everyone in it is evil and dysfunctional, and that we have to kiss God's ass to make to somewhere where we can be happy.
Well, I've come to beleive that we can make a positive difference in our lives and the lives of others, that this is the chance we get, that there may be no "do-over" so I better make this one count, that the past is dead and gone and the moment is all I have, and that love and support is all around me, masked by fear and insecurity, but surrounding me nonetheless.
Every day we crucify ourselves between two thieves: the regrets of yesterday and the fears of tomorrow. (Disraeli?)
Make your own luck, all, and make it well.
El Duderino
