zev,
Sorry, but I'm just reading this.
You said at one point that you are straightforward and when you DO reveal
what's on your mind, you don't fool around. I won't either.
For the sake of time, the short version:
I was raised a Witness. I also come from a divorced mother and father.
When I was a little bitty boy, those two things caused me to make myself a
promise i vowed to keep, that once I got married, it would be for life, come
hell or high water. Period. No matter what, I'm stayin' married.
My first marriage lasted 13 years. It probably doesn't matter, but her father
was a man held in high esteem, a domineering man (who doesn't speak to
her now) who was also an elder for many years, and her mother was a regular
pioneer, as revered by the membership as her husband. The poor girl (and
her three sisters) didn't have a chance, and I don't mean that facetiously.
The marriage was never good. My first wife and I were never friends.
Never saw eye-to-eye on anything. We were never man and wife. I knew it
but because of those two factors that shaped who I was I always held out a
hope for change. Well, change never came. I reneged on a promise I had
made to myself lo those many years ago. My heart has yet to heal, but life
goes on.
Zev, my friend, by your own words you haven't had a marriage for four
years, maybe longer. I don't know how old you are, but life is short. You
may not realize how short, but there's not enough time to go around hiding
our true feelings from our friends and loved ones -- we do that enough with
work mates and casual acquaintances -- and certainly you should not be
forced to conceal who you are from your wife. Without reservation, her
love for you should be unconditional. Not that she doesn't/can't have her
own mind on matters, but as long as your views cause her no injury, she
should learn her husband and accept you just as you are. Period. Many,
many women would be willing to do this.
Based on what you say, she is unwilling. She is unwilling to live up to her
words spoken in front of onlookers (not to mention her god) on your
wedding day. Her loyalties and true love lie elsewhere. There's nothing
wrong with that. She has her life to live and she has every right to live it. As
far as I can figure, based on what I know of your situation, you have but one
choice, and I think you know what it is. It's the same painful but inexorable
choice I made. Like I said, life is too short to f**k around with people who
aren't down for you.
My address is [email protected]. My mailbox is open to you. I'll give
you my phone # if you wish and we can chat. Whatever.
peace, dude,
toddski
________________________________________________
"If they don't want to be with you during the bad times,
you don't need them for the good times."
----- unknown, but apropos.
