Should have seen the signs...

by breal 30 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  shotgun

  Hi breal

  I've always been amazed by some people and the gall they have for asking intimate questions....

  JW's were always asking me when are going to have children...finally I told them when my wife is ovulating we sometimes try three times a day..that shut them up.

  Then when she was pregneant it was...were so close to the end, its a difficult time to have a child. Can't make them happy.

  I had ones come to me and tell me they were praying that we had a particular sex (girl/boy) or that things went well....I told them I didn't think they're prayers could affect either but thanks and if they wanted to pray for me I needed a million bucks...they told me not to be silly, like their ideas were sane.

  The next time this ((sister)) digs for info let her stick her shovel right in a pile of BS. I have alot of fun seeing how far I can go and just what some will believe remember how crazy some of thier beliefs are now that they would die to uphold.

  I'm sending you a PM..Take care...

  P.S...I do not agree about you leaving your job unless that's what you want..maybe you just need to have her leave you alone.
• 

  teenyuck

  Hi breal,

  You held her off well. You might want to keep a log of when she starts talking about religion and when you ask her to stop. Just in case.

  If you ever want to transfer, leave the department or most importantly, the JWs there run you out, you will have some legal recourse. Keep a log.

  After trainging and after you get comfortable in your new job, you might speak to HR, letting them know that the religious discussions made you very uncomfortable and made it hard to learn. This could help other new employees from being bombed with WTS crap.

  Take care and good luck with the new job!
• 

  shotgun

  Hi again breal try this....

  Tell her that an elder had called to check up on you. You told him about the long conversations you were having at work with a sister...He asked if the sister knew you were DF'd and you said yes....He then asked if spiritual things were discussed and you said yes...Well he was shocked as the Society has made this clear that this is a definite no-no, only qualified elders are to do this and certainly not in incidental witnessing scenario's. He asked you to tell him if this continues as action may be required...You can use this as an idle threat and tell her no-names were given out.

  If she persists maybe you should contact an elder or write the local congregation and inform them of her conduct, I don't think they would approve of her cutting in on the elders domain.

  I was wondering, maybe someone else knows..... Can she possibly be counting her time when having discussions with you.....some JW's would break all the rules for a little more service time.
• 

  Kingpawn

  You might want to keep a log of when she starts talking about religion and when you ask her to stop. Just in case.

  And get witnesses (pun intended) as to their conduct and yours.

  Can she possibly be counting her time when having discussions with you.....some JW's would break all the rules for a little more service time.

  Risky, isn't it? To say she was talking to a DF'ed person? Easier just to do some "creative accounting" on her timesheets.
• 

  Nathan Natas

  You've already received some GREAT advice.

  Be prepared to go to your employer's Human Resources department to log a complaint about religious persecution in the workplace if (when) this continues. Begin keeping a diary of the dates and times and manner of interogation you were subjected to. Make sure you have all your ducks in a row before you go to HR.

  You'll be doing your other non-JW workmates a favor.
• 

  breal

  Thanx for all the feedback.

  Prisca - Yep - we will see how it goes. If it is not a good fit I will give notice since I kept my other job so I could get an idea first if this place was worth the change. It is funny since even the endless non religious questions she asked prior to this conversation got on my nerves as well. I think she just wanted to know the full story so she could report to her elders (she mentioned she had already reported the other JW in the officce to the elders for how that person handled a temporary seperation from that person spouse).

  Ravyn - maybe they have a new combat type pioneer training school. I read your post the other day about the determined dub at your door. Unreal.

  Estee - Hi! Yes she was full of fear and doom and gloom. That is why I felt sorry for her. She is so young and it made me realize what I could have ended up like if I had not left so early.

  Scully - No worries. I will state and restate my position if I must. She did not make me angry or anything - although the questions were a bit like an interogation...she just made me feel sad for her. If things get really bad I have no qualms over bringing it up with HR or quitting if I find that the place is not a good fit for me. She doesn't really worry me - but the other JW in the office is in a position that could affect my work directly...so that will be the one I keep an eye on moreso.

  Shakita - Yep the inuendo's were there. Trying to make me feel bad about not giving the elders the benefit of the doubt and not accepting that they and all other JW's are imperfect and therefore although they feel right in judging me - she seemed to think my thoughts/judgements on them were harsh. Wish I found strange since I did not go on the defensive or attack... I even told her straight out that while I think the JW's are a good place for some to be it is not the place for me and I told her I respect peoples choice to be a JW and I think they should respect my decision not to be...

  Run don't walk - I tried to tell her that if "Jehovah" was going to judge me based on a decision I made in my youth then he would not be a "god of love", and that if he judged me based on that one decision to not live life as a JW and missed seeing all the other good things I do in life then that is silly. She did not understand how I feel there is a "higher power" of some sort but that I was not really sure if I believed in God.... She likes the constant changing doctrine. Stated that it makes her realize how humble the organization is

  Mr. Magoo - Yes I totally agree with you! Plus I think the world would overpopluate...She did not see this.

  Gadget - yes my heart was heavy when she told me about the 90yr old family member being DF'd. All I thought about was Cruzanhearts dad. It made me sad.

  Gary - It is amazing that her & I did not click from the start. But there is no way she could have known I was DF'd or a witness. But it cracks me up now that I know to think back on the type of "witness" she is giving by her actions and conversations in the workplace.

  Shotgun - thanx for the PM and the suggestion! I will keep that in mind. However I am not really angry at her. I just have never been in the situation of feeling like I really need to defend my choice before. Mostly I am just unsure about if I should let her talk some more since she also said some anti JW things..like when I mentioned to her about how sexist the organization is unless located in a country with a lack of brothers then sisters are permitted to take on more responsibilities. She even agreed with me....then tried to back up the org. by stating that they don't want to follow to closely with what "the worldly corporations are doing"... I gently tried to make her realize that by believing that hype she is limiting her potential and those thoughts will carry over into the rest of her life.

  Teenyuck - yeah I'll keep track of things. I am not ready to jump ship just yet. I still have my other job and will just wait to see if the company as a whole is worth it.

  Kingpawn - She did mention that in her old hall the elders questioned her about how she was getting her hours since they never saw her out in service much... maybe I should ring them up (Kidding) ...

  NN - I can handle the questions and I am more leaning towards just answering them since if other people listen they will see that she is a bit extreme in her views whereas I am pretty balanced. But yes I will be careful so as not to get blindsided.

  Thanks again! I will post again with any new developments but mostly I just hope this does not become a huge issue.... am I being unrealistic?

  Cheers,

  Breal
• 

  czarofmischief

  Agh! Hell on earth!

  I suggest you hit on her. That'll turn her JW imposed sex-paranoia into defensive mode, and she'll flee from you like Joseph from Potiphar's wife.

  Or not... in which case you get more than you bargained for... heh heh heh...

  CZAR
• 

  sxybrwneyes

  I would ask her what congregation she is in and call and talk to her elders and tell them she keeps trying to talk to you. I have not heard of any new light about talking to DF'd people!
• 

  jgnat

  Her constant barrage of questions reminds me of behavior described in a book I just finished reading, "Black Berry, Sweet Juice" by Lawrence Hill. Lawrence describes the difficulties a bi-racial child faces, growing up in Canada. Lawrence was asked, repeatedly by white folks, what his origins were. The questions are couched, in typical Canadian fashion, to mask that the curious want to know exactly what mix of black and white he is. He makes the point that only white folks get away with such rude questioning. Being part of the race "in power", we are blind to how those questions cut.

  I recently concluded that Jehovah's Witnesses are bigots. Perceiving themselves as part of the priveledged few, they display fear and/or pity towards the people of the "world". From this co-worker's position of "superiority", she saw nothing wrong with sorting out breal's position with the society (and, by extension, Jehovah) in fine detail.
• 

  SixofNine

  I can handle the questions and I am more leaning towards just answering them since if other people listen they will see that she is a bit extreme in her views whereas I am pretty balanced. But yes I will be careful so as not to get blindsided.

  Thanks again! I will post again with any new developments but mostly I just hope this does not become a huge issue.... am I being unrealistic?

  Not at all, you're being real.

  I think you are perfectly capable of showing, by example and occasional calm word, just how weak the JW position is.

  There is no need for agressiveness on your part, passive or otherwise. From my point of view, the sadness you feel for her is just right. I'm anxious to hear the further developements.