Woah! Da Watchtowah's been Shizzolated!! (page 2)

“Pilgrimage Through da Watchtower" is my personal story, know what I'm sayin'? It explains why I became involved wit Jehovah's Witnesses, what life wuz like fo' me during my 7-year involvement wit 'em, 'n why I left da organization in 1984.

“Pilgrimage Through da Watchtower" wuz first published in 1989 by Baker Book House, 'n is currently out of print n' shit.

I hope yo' ass find this on-line version of my story be helpful either during yo' personal exodus from da Watchtower Society, or in furthering yo' understanding of 'n compassion fo' Jehovah's Witnesses, know what I'm sayin'?

Kevin Quick ("mailto:[email protected]")

"I count izzall things be loss in view of da surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, fo' whom I has suffered da loss of izzall things, 'n count 'em but rubbish in order that I may gain Christ, 'n may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from da Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, da righteousness which comes from Dogg on da basis of faith, know what I'm sayin'? "

One who has the courage to laugh is almost as much the master of the world as he who is ready to die.
Giacamo Leopardi

Teenyuck, I would dearly love to see one of AlanF's dissertations shizzolated.

ashitaka

da righteousness which comes from Dogg on da basis of faith, know what I'm sayin'? "

DOGG!!!!! HAAHAHAHA. Man, I needed this today.

ash

Vivamus

Hehehe, too funny.

-

And the world shall tremble in the wake of the Blue Bubblegum
Dutch District Overbeer

Mary

Oh my god!!! ROFLMFAO!!! That was hilarious n' shit..........

Elsewhere

JW FAQ Smurflized
http://www.psyclops.com/translator/

Do you shun former smurfs?

Those who the smurf become inactive in the congregation, perhaps even drifting away from association with fellow believers, are smurfily not shunned. Smurfy, isn't it? In fact, special effort is smurfily made to reach out to them and rekindle their spiritual interest. Smurfilicious! If, however, someone unrepentantly practices serious sins, such as drunkeness, stealing or adultery, he will be disfellowshipped and such an individual is smurfily avoided by former fellow-worshipers. Smurfy, isn't it? Every effort is smurfily made to help wrongdoers. Smurfilicious! But if they are smurfily unrepentant, the congregation needs to be protected from their influence. Smurftabulous! The Bible clearly states: 'Remove the wicked smurf from among yourselves.' (1 Corinthians 5:13) Those who the smurf formally say they do not want to be part of the organization any more are smurfily also avoided. Smurfy, isn't it? What of a smurf who the smurf is smurfily disfellowshipped but whose wife and children are smurfily still Jehovah's Witnesses? The spiritual ties he had with his family change, but blood ties remain. Smurfy, isn't it? The marriage relationship and normal family affections and dealings can continue. Smurfilicious! As for disfellowshipped relatives not living in the same household, Jehovah's Witnesses apply the Bible's counsel: "Quit mixing with them." (1 Corinthians 5:11) Disfellowshipped individuals may continue to attend religious services and, if they wish, they may receive spiritual counsel from the elders with a view to their being restored. Smurftabulous! They are smurfily always welcome to return to the faith if they reject the improper course of conduct for which they were disfellowshipped.

Scully

Here is the Memorial Talk outline followed by the same put through the "burnmaker" website (see link - since I don't want to defile the board with potty talk). I still am having difficulty shizzolating the talk, even though I uploaded it to my homepage. If anyone else wants to have a go at it, feel free to do so!

OBSERVING “THE LORD’S EVENING MEAL”
Song No. 87 and Opening Prayer
PATTERN FOR “LORD’S EVENING MEAL” WAS SET BY JESUS (3 min.)
The first Lord’s Evening Meal was celebrated Nisan 14, 33 C.E.
Jesus and his 11 faithful apostles were present on that occasion.
Jesus knew that he would soon give his life as a perfect sacrifice.
He arranged for his sacrifice to be remembered in a simple ceremony (Read Luke 22:19,20)
Jesus’ death is commemorated once each year; this serves as a reminder of loving provision of ransom
Jehovah showed love by making this provision, and Jesus did so by fulfilling his role
WHY A RANSOM WAS NEEDED (7 min.)
When Adam disobeyed God, he lost the right to perfect human life
All descendants of Adam have inherited sinful tendencies from him
Wages sin pays is death (Read Romans 6:23a)
Imperfect humans cannot redeem themselves
By means of the ransom, God provides gift of everlasting life to mankind through Jesus Christ (Read Romans 6:23b)
Jesus willingly died so that obedient men could have life
Must exercise faith in Christ in order to have everlasting life (Read John 3:16, 36)
“Exercising faith” calls for action on our part (Read James 2:24, 26)
Those approved by God come in line for everlasting life, either on heaven or on earth
“LITTLE FLOCK” AND “OTHER SHEEP” BENEFIT FROM THE RANSOM (13 min.)
Jehovah chooses place and each dedicated and baptized one will serve
“Little flock” receive everlasting life in heaven (Lu 12:32)
Number limited to 144,000 (Read Revelation 14:1)
Majority of these were gathered prior to our time; only a remnant remain
Memorial attendance last year world wide was _____, but only _____ partook of the emblems, indicating heavenly hope
Those of the “little flock” bear the name of Jehovah God and of Jesus Christ (re 200, Lu 12:32, Re 14:1)
Will “rule as kings over the earth” (Re 5:10)
As part of Kingdom arrangement, will channel untold blessings to obedient humans
God’s spirit gives “little flock” personal assurance that they have heavenly hope
(Read Romans 8:16, 17)
Have been brought into new covenant, on basis of which spiritual Israelites are gathered
Since Jesus referred to “new covenant” when instituting the Lord’s Evening Meal, only those in new covenant partake of emblems (Lu 22:20)
Called “firstfruits to God” (Read Revelation 14:4)
This expression implies that others are also in line for God’s favour
“Other sheep” will enjoy everlasting life on earth (Read John 10:16)
Are highly favoured by God, Jehovah called them “blessed” and “my people” (Read Isaiah 65:21-23)
Members of both the heavenly and earthly classes have reason to be grateful for kind provision of ransom
While anointed partake of emblems, other sheep attend as respectful observers, reflecting appreciatively on ransom
WHAT THE EMBLEMS REPRESENT (2 min.)
Bread and wine represent body and blood of Christ, the perfect sacrifice
Unleavened bread represents Jesus’ sinless body (1Co 5:7, 8)
Red wine pictures his blood poured out in sacrifice, which provides the basis for the new covenant and makes possible forgiveness of sins (Mt 26:27, 28)
CELEBRATING THE MEMORIAL OF CHRIST’S DEATH TODAY (12 min.)
Tonight we will follow the pattern Jesus set for observing the Lord’s Evening Meal
(Read and comment briefly on 1 Corinthians 11:23, 24)
Jesus offered prayer and passed bread to 11 apostles
Qualified brother (preferably anointed) offers prayer, and then the bread is passed
(Read and comment briefly on 1 Corinthians 11:25)
Jesus prayed and then offered wine to followers
Another qualified brother (preferably anointed) prays, and then the wine is passed
(Optional whether speaker comments while emblems are being served)
BENEFITS FROM BEING PRESENT AT THIS MEMORIAL CELEBRATION (8 min.)
How can we show appreciation for the Memorial?
If you are not yet baptized, continue working toward this goal
Build faith by taking in knowledge (Joh 17:3)
As your faith grows, you will have strength to fulfil other requirements – repentance, conversion, dedication, and baptism
Once baptized, must remain faithful
All must attend meetings regularly, not merely on special occasions (Heb 10:23-25)
Engage in preaching work (Ac 1:8)
Both anointed an other sheep must meet same standards of conduct
We invite all qualified ones to share in field ministry this week
Continue to take in knowledge of Jehovah’s purposes
Song No. 105 and Closing Prayer

http://hometown.aol.ca/Scullyxjw/memorial+outline.doc

Love, Scully

Woah! Da Watchtowah's been Shizzolated!!

JW FAQ Smurflizedhttp://www.psyclops.com/translator/

Do you shun former smurfs?

Song No. 105 and Closing Prayer

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JW FAQ Smurflized
http://www.psyclops.com/translator/