How to Leave WT and Intact

by JT 33 Replies latest jw friends

  • natred

    You know what?
    I felt an still do, why send a letter at all?
    Thats playing by their rules,
    Just leave and forget about them.
    If they contact you tell themnever to do so again and hang up on them
    Screw them and get on with your own life.

  • Jang

    Vsecret ..... you said your mum and sister said to do what you have to do ..... are they still in the org?

    If they are, then their attitude will have to change after you do this and it is announced. They
    will either have to shun you or do the same ....

    Just a thought .....


  • OrangeBlossom


    My most recent shepherding call was last Saturday. I just nod and act like I appreciate that they are trying to encourage us to attend all the meetings. I know that my mum-in-law put them up to it, they are in her bookstudy. They always seem to come by when my husband is not here, damn him. Anyway, they are not going to let up, they want to set a time when husband will be here so they can go over an article about the importance of meeting attendance. I have decided that I won't get into any discussions about how I really feel. But, lately I have felt like I don't really care anymore, they can DF me or consider me DA'd, it really doesn't matter to me. The only thing I care about is hurting my mom, don't really want her to have to go through it. She given over 50 years to this organization, she will not give it up.

  • chester


    The only thing I care about is hurting my mom, don't really want her to have to go through it. She given over 50 years to this organization, she will not give it up.

    I know exactly how you feel. There are many, many of us out here who are in the same position that you are.

  • JT


    I see you are talking trash



  • TR

    Thanks, James!

    You bring a very practical viewpoint to messy situation. Myself, I was in literal fear for two years after I left the org. That is, until I GOT ON THIS NET THANG!

    Thanks again,


    "cults suck"

  • JT


    , do i have to worry about being sued for slander????

    #######No you should not have to worry

    have you ever heard of the society trying to shut people up by threats of lawsuits?

    #######Very very rarely do they make any comment about those who leave

    also since i have no family in the org. and can live fine without the friendships ,what possible repercussions could i suffer for DAing myself

    ######then you should be ok then


    I read your entire letter and all the points you covered are on the money- and if it gives you a sense of relief then great.

    If you have prepared yourself for the fallout – then you are ready, but my only point is :

    If you write such a letter with the intent of Telling the bro off or letting them know why then you are wasting your time.

    That is why some who do write a letter don’t spend time putting down all the flipflops and changes in dogma

    They meely say

    “just wanted to like you all know I don’t want to be known as a jw anymore

    have a nice day”

    short and sweet


    but each person must do what gives them peace of mind


  • JT


    if you ask or read any former jw post you will see the same common thread run thru all of our post

    WE KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG , but we never could get a CONFIRMATION

    and the moment you got your confirmation you knew that you had to leave

    then the question became how do i get out and that is where most fail and fail meseribly and that is where the net comes in
    it allows us to see that we were right THE KINGS HAS NO CLOTHES

    even though all around us was telling us he did

    thanks for the post


  • joelbear

    I am a strong proponent of the drift away process. However, I believe people should begin to construct a new social support system for themselves before they do this.

    Going through formal disassociation of disfellowshiping is a continuing acknowledgement that the Watchtower society actually has a right to determine someone's status as a worthy associate, rather than allowing a person's whole life and sets of actions determine this for people close to this person.

    So my 3 step process is:

    1. Start making new friends outside of the organization.

    2. Slowly allow more productive uses of your time to supplant Watchtower-centric activities (join a volunteer organization, take a pottery class, teach a class in something you are knowledgeable about, spend more time reading or improving your home etc. etc. etc.) If and when the elders come knocking just say, I've been busy with these other activities, smile politely at them until they leave.

    3. Live your new life to the fullest and be happy.



  • outnfree

    Thanks, James for a very good topic.

    HadEnough wrote:

    ... for those who have family ... of still active JWs, then the quiet, non-confrontation fading is best.

    The hard part of that? the need to keep quiet about what you have found out so the loyal JW family member doesn't think they'll be doing what's best for you by informing the elders that you need "help."

    I experienced just that, only it was my dear friend who "turned me in." Fortunately, I had emotionally made the break months before, but I DID NOT want to LOSE this sister -- I wanted to be able to "do more good by staying alive" as Chester wrote. Once the elders called, I felt compelled to make the break. There was no way I would lie my way through an elders' meeting to stay IN.

    Then, after many false starts at a long disassociation letter, I experienced the truthfulness of what JanG mentions:

    The only time I suggest someone have a letter ready to disassociate is when they are being called to a committee meeting which is probably only a formality before disfellowshipping. Then they can hand it over when it is inevitable they will be df'd.

    I hand-delivered a DA letter to the elders on a Monday after being called to arrange a committee meeting for Thursday. On Thursday, I was asked to withdraw the letter and give "the Truth" another month out of my life. I foolishly agreed. But by the time a second meeting was held after the next Sunday's meeting, I felt that the entire month's activities were likely just going to be "a formality before disfellowshipping." So that night, I called the P.O. and asked that my original DA letter be considered binding and that they let me go ASAP. I was out the next Thursday.

    I, too, felt it important like VSecret to let the friends know that I had rejected THEM and not vice versa. But in hindsight, I think the advice to fade gently into the night would have been better all around. Which is the course I would have chosen had I not become the focus of the elders. I think, VS, that you should heed the majority opinion here and quietly fade because you have family in the Org. However, if you decide to do otherwise, maybe putting the fact that you are disassociating yourself at the END of your letter would force the elder body, at least, to read the entire thing through (or at least part of it before they scan down to the bottom looking for the main point .)

    Joel just posted some very good advice about getting on with your life and having actual outside busyness to which you may attribute your lack of meeting attendance when the elders DO call.

    Yes, the hardest part about fading is learning how to SHUT UP with your still JW family and friends.

    But that's why we're here!!! So you can share your regrets and frustrations and new discoveries with US!