Yes and yes, like Dub said.
When going through attacks by narcissists where you are trying to explain yourself it is important to remember that to a narcissist feelings are facts. They will always turn things around and put you on the defensive no matter how horrible their own behavior was/is. I learned, but have not had a chance to practice yet, to say:
1) You are entitled to your opinion.
2) I'm sorry that you feel that way, but you are entitled to your opinion.
or my favorite:
3) I disagree with that, but you are entitled to your feelings. (I would love saying that to an uber Dub male.)
I learned it from a youtube entitled Never Explain to a Narcissist. The Narc may still engage and fight, but it takes the fuel away.
The narcissist needs a supply, and those come from co-dependents and empaths, but I'm an amateur, a co-dependent that has noted narc behaviors in herself, and slight empath. WT makes narcissists, and the co-dependents and empaths that feed the personality disorder. The men fit the narc roles better, and the women fit the co-dependent roles better. Feel free to correct me, if you think I'm wrong. Of course, many people will naturally disagree with the existence of empaths.
Thanks for the book suggestion Dub; I will check out The Narcissistic Family!