Subject: Michigan Problems
This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's response is hilarious.
SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental
Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above
referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or
contractor who
> did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and
maintenance of two
> wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit
must be
> issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of
the Department's
> files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the
Department has
> determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland
Lakes and
> Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act,
Act 451 of the
> Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the
Michigan
> Compiled Laws, annotated.
>
> The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams
partially
> failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at
downstream
> locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently
hazardous and cannot be
> permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist
all
> activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a
free-flow condition by
> removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream
channel. All
> restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31,
2003.
>
> Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed
so that a
> follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure
to comply with
> this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may
result in
> this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.
>
> We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this
matter.
> Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any
questions.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> David L. Price
> District Representative Land and Water
> Management Division
>
>
> ** response **
>
>
> Dear Mr. Price,
>
> Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
>
> Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to
respond to. I
> am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,
Pierson,
> Michigan.
>
> A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of
constructing
> and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of
my Spring
> Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam
project, I
> think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful
use of natures
> building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your
department to
> attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you
choose. I
> believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match
their dam skills,
> their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam
persistence, their dam
> determination and/or their dam work ethic.
> As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they
must first
> fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
activity. My
> first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate
against my
> Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers throughout
this State to
> conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against
these
> particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I
request completed copies
> of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been
issued.
> Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part
301, Inland Lakes and
> Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act,
Act 451 of
> the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of
the
> Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
>
> I have several concerns. My first concern is-aren't the beavers
entitled to
> legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially
destitute and are
> unable to pay for said representation-so the State will have to
provide them
> with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or
both of the
> dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof
that this is
> a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect.
In other
> words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than
harassing them
> and calling their dam names. If you want the stream "restored" to
a dam
> free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are
going to arrest
> them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter
-- they being
> unable to read English.
>
> In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to
build their
> unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green
and water flows
> downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy
Spring Pond.
> If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental
Protection lives up
> to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and
the
> environment (Beavers' Dams).
>
> So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can
be referred
> for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until
1/31/2003? The
> Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will
be no way for
> you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
>
> In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
> environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the
bears! Bears are actually
> defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be
persecuting the
> defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to
investigate the
> beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they
dump!)
>
> Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
contact you
> on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your
dam office.
>
>
> THANK YOU
>
> RYAN DEVRIES + THE DAM BEAVERS
Dam Bureaucracy!! (very funny)
by Latte 3 Replies latest social humour
-
Latte
-
think41self
Hehehe....too dam funny!
Tracy
-
Cassiline
That was funny!! Thanks for sharing it.
((( Tracy )))
It's been too dam(n) long since I have seen you! I hope you are doing great lady.
Hugs
Cassi
-
Latte
Glad you liked it Tracy!
How are you? Tell me - how was the Cruise?? I want details!! I'm sure that you had a great time!
Great to see you posting again