WAS- Great thread, very good and interesting points you make and others are making here. Having been born and raised in the JW cult since birth and exiting 15 years ago at age 44 I think I can offer a perspective.
As far as us ex-JW's having anger - I believe that our anger is justified. I'm not saying to be crazy with anger or go nuts losing our balance in life- however we were duped by an unscrupulous, manipulative group of men running the WT Society and wasted many years of our life for a pipe dream. That's bound to bring some anger into our lives , and depending on how deeply that anger and sadness is affecting our enjoyment of life- some of us may need therapy with a good counselor to get over that.
I feel having anger and sadness is a natural processing of the pain. With time it subsides but it leaves a scar within us that may cause varying levels of PTSD. Takes time to heal for sure. Everyone's speed in healing is different.
I think this quoted statement in your opening post, " I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be FORCED TO DEAL WITH PAIN . " Or I might add - reality.
I believe we can apply this statement to active JW's who shun us ! They hate US so badly because if they lost their indoctrinated hate of ex-JW's , then they'd be forced to deal with their own pain of being lied to by WT leaders and they'd have to face reality for what it is - that the JW and WT belief systems are all a bunch of lies used to control them. So I feel this quote might be really accurate when used towards active, believing JW's. Just my 2 cents here