Has this quote on hatred been true in your experience with JW's?
I came upon this quote relating to the results of hatred:
"I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain."
What do you think? Has your hatred of the organization been an effort to avoid dealing with your pain? I'm not so sure its true in my experience. I have not let hatred consume me in regards to the Organization.
Isn't some hatred justified considering the pain, suffering and death they have authored by the crazy BS they have enforced on people? I do think some are blinded by their all encompassing hatred, not aware how much it has stunted them. What say you? How has it been for you?
Oh, I think you're on to something, but it's not just hate.
We are hard wired to avoid pain. That is why we procrastinate. That is why we lash out. We don't say what we really mean, and it doesn't have to be hate. It can be shame. It can be frustration.
It's truly a rare person that can genuinely be in possession of themselves, and admit (or know) what is really underneath.
As I like to say, anger is like 1st gear in a car. It's limited value can be in going forward again, but you can't do highway speeds in first gear either, or you'll eventually burn up and burn out.
PS, just my two cents, but if you stay angry at the Borg, you fulfill their "prophecies" about you. That is why I say the best revenge is to live life on your terms and be happy. (acknowledgement, happiness is pretty elusive even for non JW's, but it's worth the pursuit, or the decision to be happy...)
I think pain maybe true that is the way our mind guides us. And yes I think it could bea large part of the equation but not the total, it is not that black and white.
Hate is a negative emotion with negative consequences but if you suppress this hate with negativity you put it in your shadow, and loss a part of ourselves. I'm for unrepressing one's shadow and becoming a more whole person, so I would say unrepress one's shadow wisely accept our vengeful dark side but lead it with a wisdom that capitalizes on both our dark and light side. And so I admit to being consumed by hatred in my early years of finding the TATT but through vigorous hiking through the mountains over many mile and shouting into the wild untamed country side my hatred it subsided and I have been able to come to my senses and now feel a more kinder dispostion to this total and complete idiots. I still want to see them begging and in the streets but if it really did happen I SUPPOSE I WOULD FEEL SORRY FOR THEM.
Being totally good should not be a goal we strive for but a balance of yin and yang that leads to the middle road of this and that.
There are days when I become depressed.
The cause is probably tiredness or the pressures of life, however I have noticed that I tend to blame it on my decades of cult experience.
No matter how much I try to get things straight in my mind I find the hatred increasing and I have to watch what I say around my wife. The best therapy is some sort of hard labour on my little property.
Just an example of how I am affected. The next day I will probably be fine.
You can only be truly free from pain when you hear the word “Jehovah” and it does not mean a thing. The past is prologue.
Interesting that you quiz ex-JWs over this when the very organization they have left nurtures hatred of “all that is bad”. Are JWs building up their treasures of hatred to avoid dealing with their own pain? I doubt it.
There may be grains of truth in the words you quote but human emotions are far, far more complicated and varied than the quoted words suggest and come across like cheap psychologising. Roll up for today’s clever sayings!
I’ve heard similar smug quotes about what happens to people who refuse to forgive others - as if the automatic aim is to forgive. “No pressure there brother - but if you don’t forgive, you will carry this for the rest of your life”.As I said, cheap psychologising.
WAS- Great thread, very good and interesting points you make and others are making here. Having been born and raised in the JW cult since birth and exiting 15 years ago at age 44 I think I can offer a perspective.
As far as us ex-JW's having anger - I believe that our anger is justified. I'm not saying to be crazy with anger or go nuts losing our balance in life- however we were duped by an unscrupulous, manipulative group of men running the WT Society and wasted many years of our life for a pipe dream. That's bound to bring some anger into our lives , and depending on how deeply that anger and sadness is affecting our enjoyment of life- some of us may need therapy with a good counselor to get over that.
I feel having anger and sadness is a natural processing of the pain. With time it subsides but it leaves a scar within us that may cause varying levels of PTSD. Takes time to heal for sure. Everyone's speed in healing is different.
I think this quoted statement in your opening post, " I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be FORCED TO DEAL WITH PAIN . " Or I might add - reality.
I believe we can apply this statement to active JW's who shun us ! They hate US so badly because if they lost their indoctrinated hate of ex-JW's , then they'd be forced to deal with their own pain of being lied to by WT leaders and they'd have to face reality for what it is - that the JW and WT belief systems are all a bunch of lies used to control them. So I feel this quote might be really accurate when used towards active, believing JW's. Just my 2 cents here. Peace out, Mr. Flipper
I have hatred towards the org and my parents for their stupidity. It ,however,does not control me. I raised my family,run my business,over 30 years now,and have been successful at both. Financially fine for many years. I enjoy life and have had nice homes and all the toys. My daughter graduated Texas A&M and raises our grandchildren well. Life is great. I disagree with those who think anger is a bad thing. Much can be done with anger as a spur. I was determined to have a good and fun life and have all the great things this life can offer without fear and guilt. That is the greatest revenge. Starting out with a 9th grade education is hard and having no real world social skills makes it even more difficult but if a person wants a great life it’s there for the taking. I just rejoice every day that I’m not a slave to the evil org. I accept my anger as a righteous thing and it will always be a part of me. I will never be a slave to anyone or thing again. I had a horrible start but there is great joy in overcoming that. Happiness is a choice and I choose happiness!