Encounter with C.I.A. Military Dude

by TerryWalstrom 11 Replies latest jw experiences

  • TerryWalstrom

    ENCOUNTER with C.I.A. Military Dude

    What follows is my conversation with a well-muscled dude in a paramilitary shirt (outside on Starbucks’ patio) yesterday.

    Military Dude: (pointing) “Rear tire : ya got a flat, Buddy.”

    Me: “Thanks. Slow leak. I have a hand pump.”

    Military Dude: (Eyeballing the pocket knife clipped to my pants) :
    “That your EDC?” (Every Day Carry)

    Me: (Removing it and handing it over to him) “Here ya go.”
    Okay, so this is a “guy thing” and it led to a “You show me yours and I’ll show you mine” situation. (Only: not THAT kind you dirty-minded galoots.)

    This burly, stereotypical man-bot began divesting himself of an awe-inspiring arsenal of “defensive” weapons while I watched slack-jawed.

    He introduced himself.
    His name is Rothwell, but I momentarily thought he said “Roswell” and I glanced at his ear tips to check for Vulcan status.
    Eventually, he said his name was Weldon, but he went by the nickname: CRUNCH.

    Crunch Rothwell: “Glock 9”

    He had lifted his untucked shirt revealing the automatic weapon tucked into his waistband in front, pointing muzzle down at his poppycock.

    I winced inwardly.

    Crunch recited a litany of descriptions of the various hardware and began telling me how he’d been a Navy Seal and had worked on contract with the C.I.A.

    “I can’t talk about that...” he said --as he began talking about it.

    Every few sentences, he’d begin by saying, “The Good Lord gave us brains so’s we’d have the good sense to... “
    (Fill in the blank with cautionary advice about taking proper measures by purchasing expensive defensive gear.)

    Finally, he tossed it back to me with a half-smile, “What other gear ya got on you?”
    I reached into my various pockets and came up with a packet of rancid cashews.

    Me: “These are to protect me from deadly indigenous wildlife attacks.”

    His eyes got wide.

    Crunch: “Like...wha-a-a-t?”

    Me: “Aviary predators with scathingly brilliant tactical incursion techniques.”

    Crunch: “Um--I don’t follow you.”

    Me: “I can’t talk about that.” (I would be embarrassed to tell him about Edgar the Crow.)

    He stared at me a few seconds. Probably he was deciding whether or not I was insane or just mocking him.

    We sat in silence.
    Finally, I got up and excused myself. He nodded. As I placed my hand on the door pull, I stopped, half-turned and offered my own version of cautionary advice.

    “Say, Crunch--the Good Lord gave us brains so’s we’d tuck our Glock 9 in our rear pant waistband. You see, He in His infinite wisdom knows a pistol can sometimes discharge accidentally. Consequently, He hath provided a groove between our buttcheeks to prevent the bullet from injuring our corruptible flesh.”

    I flashed my most friendly smile and disappeared inside.

    Sure enough, I peeked through the glass as Crunch Rothwell transferred his Glock 9 to his rear waistband.

    I always say, “Pay it forward. One day you save your own ass and the next somebody else’s.”


  • Giordano

    A Really nice read!

  • sir82

    Based on what I've read, people who boast of being a "Navy SEAL" to strangers they've just met have approximately a 0.00000000000000000001% probability of actually having been a Navy SEAL.

  • TerryWalstrom

    I have the same opinion. Anybody who begins a conversation with a total stranger by spilling the beans of something
    you've sworn never to divulge--is always slightly suspect :)

  • Bungi Bill
    Bungi Bill


    This story reminds me of a character I knew who used to boast about being in the French Foreign Legion.

    He persisted in telling anybody who would listen how he "killed people with his bare hands" - even though his bare hands were unable to prevent the bus driver from throwing him out of the vehicle, after the passengers grew tired of his bragging.

  • TerryWalstrom

    Bear paws sounds better

  • Brokeback Watchtower
    Brokeback Watchtower

    I think I met Jim Jones when I was in bethel once as he gave me a some sorta thing about him being god and all back in 1975 or 6.

  • Vidiot

    I once knew a guy like this.

    At one time, he said he wanted to join the Freemasons.

    At another time, he said he was a long-standing member.

    I'd already started taking anything he'd said with a big-ass grain of salt, by then.

  • Vanderhoven7

    What was missing in intellect was made up for in boast and brawn. Felt sorry for him.

  • WingCommander

    You neglected to say what your EDC knife actually is?

    C'mon man! Don't leave us hanging like this!!!!!

    Myself, I've got a nice collection of Benchmade, ZT, and even a tanto Sebenza.

    Walther PPQ M2 when I'm feeling like I need more.

Share this