Heartbroken...advice please

by SPARKLEY 12 Replies latest social relationships


    I am a non-JW and have been in an unhappy marriage for a few years now. I met a nice man at work, we had a laugh together and got to know each other. We were both really attracted to each other. He gave me his mobile number and we started sex texting each other. The things he said he wanted to do to me were quite explicit and I ended up texting back the same sort of thing. The next day at work he looked really grumpy and couldnt even look at me. I went home hurt and confused. This has gone on now for almost four months. We have kissed but nothing more. Same thing has happened each time, periods of not talking to me after something happened relating to sexual things. Him also talking of behaving because i am married and often appearing really scared and defensive when i suspected something was wrong. We shared intimate pictures of each other last week and now he has cut off all contact with me. I dont work there anymore now, but a few colleagues hace told me he is a JW and has been disfellowshipped a while ago for having sex with his then girlfriend (caught by his son who told the whole congregation). I really dont understand any of this and would be really grateful for an explanation of him feeling really scared, even though the way he acts is on the contrary to what a JW would do. I just need to understand so i can move on.

  • truth_b_known


    This man is caught up in a cult that controls every aspect of one's life. This cult uses fear and guilt to control you. First, all of your relationships and support are to be fellow members of this cult. Then, if you violate one of their man-made rules, they will figuratively brand you in a practice they refer to as "disfellowshipping."

    When a member is disfellowshipped it is made public to the rest of the members. No member, not even family, can speak with this person or render aid. When a member is disfellowshipped their entire life is turned upside down. This arrangement is considered "loving" in the cult and a tool to "readjust" the violator's way of thinking. Some members who are disfellowshipped desire to return to their regular status and can after a period of time, but only if they stop committing their "sin" and "repent".

    Semitic faiths (Judaism, Christianity, Islam) use sex as a tool to control people. It is a well known fact that the majority of Jehovah's Witnesses who are disfellowshipped are done so for violating sex related beliefs. The number one sex related belief is that sex is to be had only between people who are married to each other.

    One reason that this male companion of yours may be acting weird is that, deep down inside, he wants to return to being an active Jehovah's Witness. This would mean he would have to cut off all social ties with you, but especially in engaging in any form of physical intimacy. Sending sex related text messages to a married woman would be grounds for disfellowshipping on its own.

  • Gayle

    It will be a whole lot easier for you to fix your marriage than to fix him. Just a recommendation. Move on, either way.

  • Giordano

    Welcome to the Forum.

    First off this is not a JW matter it is a separate moral and responsibility issue.

    I can't begin to understand who or what this guy is all about. Nor do I understand the attraction of sex texting. It seems rather lame within the context of getting to know one another.

    It's like standing in the meat department of a grocery store comparing chicken breasts and thighs etc. Normal people don't whisper to those chicken parts describing how your going to turn them into a delicious meal.

    If his own son turned him in to the congregation that alone should tell you that he's a serial offender.

    This type of thing is like an addiction a person is never satisfied with one partner.

    I would suggest that you move forward by forgetting about this fool as his conduct towards you is rather strange. I also think you need to get a grip and try to act like an adult who has some standards and is looking for a fulfilling relationship.

  • oppostate

    Guilt ways heavy on his mind!

    Why take on that dead weight?

  • scratchme1010

    I really dont understand any of this and would be really grateful for an explanation of him feeling really scared, even though the way he acts is on the contrary to what a JW would do. I just need to understand so i can move on.

    Nothing to understand, the guy is a sex addict asshole. Whether the guy is/was a JW plays no role in it.

  • baker

    This guy has 2 major problems facing him from both sides of the fence , one, all his previous "fake" friends are now shunning him, which has been proven to cause irrational behavior and , two, you said you are married, and in the back of his mind, he knows he could be in serious physical trouble with your husband, like getting his ass kicked or worse. His mental state has to be troubled by both of these situations, which makes him a candidate that you should move away from.

  • Cadellin

    Sparkley, I am so sorry you have had this unhappy experience. But take the good advice that you've received here and move on.

  • JW GoneBad
    JW GoneBad

    Sparkley...act on the last two words of your opening post...'move on'!

  • steve2

    In some ways he sounds like a typical male: Gets his rocks off then moves on, only to be brought back into your orbit when the urge re-surfaces.

    Leave out the JW connection and there is absolutely nothing unusual about the man's behaviour - it reflects a juvenile mentality controlled in turns by lust and its opposite, guilt.

    You have wandered into his web and it hurts that he switches off and on according to his mood state.

    Unlike others here, I do not think the JW connection is especially salient: He could be a guilt-ridden Catholic, Evangelical or Born-Again.

    Sex and religious conflict are very common bedfellows - in fact, the arousal from engaging in "forbidden" borderline sexual activity is addictive.

    I'm not going to tell you to run or stay. This is an opportunity for you to either show self-respect and direct yourself to move on, or hang around for the crumbs when this man has the urge - unless he finds someone else to service his on-again/off again sexual needs.

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