When A Friend Lies.... (page 2)

pettygrudger

Thanks for all the kind replies - this is a new situation to me to be honest - I've always just dropped "habitual" liars like hot potato's - but this person I feel responsible for....so, I guess its time to do a very slow fade......yep from the responses I'm getting - this would be for the best.

Tyler

Sorry to hear what you have had to experience Pettygrudger. Thing is 'Lyers' have this knack of making their 'victims' otherwise called 'friends' feel guilty and responsible for them. You've not given much away, probably with good reason, but I hate to give advice that seems harsh in the light of the true circumstances. I hope you have other more reliable friends, but, yes, fade away from lyers is probably best. You can't confront them, they just make you feel guilty for 'attacking' them. You can't just ignore it cause they's take more advantage of you next time, all that's left is to let them go. Better than just fade is run! A clean cut seems harsh, but it's what I wish I had done to the experiences I refured to.

Mr. Kim

Take a straight forward approach and nicely ask why all the lies?

And then, inform them that you WILL get -"mid-evil" with them next time they lie to you!

Scully

Dishonesty is something that greatly disturbs me. Lies of omission, half truths, distortions, and outright deliberate lies are often used to manipulate those who have a measure of trust in the person who is being dishonest with them. Even if they are seemingly benign "white lies" that serve only to put the individual in a better light, but are otherwise "harmless", it bothers me when I find out that a friend has been dishonest. It makes me question everything I know about them. It makes me wary of giving any amount of trust to that person. It irreversibly damages whatever friendship I have with them.

Love, Scully

Golden Girl

Rhonda..when someone lies about ME..It really hurts..but if they are lying to make themselves "Look Better"..I figure it is a self esteem problem of theirs...I have a daughter that does this..I just live with it. (She is in her 40's..no changing her!)

If someone makes plans with you and cancels with some bogus excuse because something better comes up ..that would hurt too. (If you find out!) I would think twice about seeing them again.

I guess if it was a habitual thing..like someone we both know..then I would just roll my eyes and say.."Here we go again!:..

I used to be so naive when I left the JW's that I believed everything people told me...age has proven me wrong. It was a rude awakening!

I also think if the lies hurt someone..that would be more serious!...

I had a girlfriend that ran around on her husband..all the time!.( A JW..).She started using me for a coverup. I finally wised up and told her to stop saying she was with me because I wouldn't back her up!..Thank goodness her husband never checked with me.

We weren't friends too long after that. She got disfellowshipped after her hubby caught her and beat her up! (He was a JW too) Her motto was "Deny, Deny, Deny!..Never admit anything..she was an expert!

And I later disassociated myself..I was disgusted with the JW's. They just didn't make sense to me anymore...

Hugs..Snoozy..aka..Golden Girl...

Maverick

Golden girl has it right on! Maverick

Nosferatu

Let me tell you the story of how I ended up living at my parents' house. I had moved into a house with my best friend of 19 years. It was his deceased parents' home, and his sister was looking after it. She agreed that we could live in it, and we agreed to split the utilities, and pay rent. We lived there for about 5 months.

At the time, I was working 2 jobs, one full time and one part time. Whenever I would get home, I would basically go straight to bed. I also have 2 cats. I hadn't changed the litter box in a few days. It didn't look very appealing, but it didn't stink either (high priced kitty litter has it's benefits). I came home from my second job one night, and found a letter sitting on my answering machine, with the threat of eviction (because of kitty box) from one of my roomate's other relatives. My mother informed me of who these relatives were (my parents lived across the street). The note was written on a piece of computer paper. The only one who had a printer on their computer was my roomate, and I also noticed that the kitty box was emptied. I found the garbage bag sitting outside the porch.

The next day, I approached my roomate and asked him about the note. He said "I don't know, I guess they must have written it while I was upstairs changing". I knew that was a lie.

During the next 2 weeks, I had made arrangements to move into my parents house (across the street). I didn't let my roomate know about it, as I didn't want any of my stuff sabotaged. I got a moving party together, and we moved all of my stuff out of the house in 3 hours while my roomate was sleeping. I left him a note that said "The keys are in the mailbox". I haven't spoken to him in a year and a half.

With me, everyone in my life gets one chance. If they screw it up, I kick them out of my life without looking back. I'd rather have a few good close friends rather than a bunch of assholes.

RandomTask

Kill them

pettygrudger

Random - nope - not in my nature! Nice to see you around these parts btw - I've been wondering where you got off to!

Nosferatu - wow, that seems kind of harsh! But, you make a good point - true friends I would believe shouldn't have to feel that they have to lie.

Golden Girl - you had one very interesting life you know that?? You should write a book. I lived with my brother for about 5 years - he was a pathological liar too. But, I just learned to ignore everything he had to say. Due to circumstances, I couldn't just move out - but I did delete him from the list of people I entrusted with "myself". I don't know what you do when it's one of your kids!

Scully - EXACTLY! Even though I might want to continue a relationship, in many ways I'll never be able to feel the same way again. Trust is HUGE with me, and if I've gone the distance of actually trusting a human being, alot is taken when that is lost.

Thanks everyone for the reply. In the last 3 weeks since I posted this, I have distanced myself from the situation, and I feel much better. I wish I wasn't one of those people that can be so easily hurt when I actually allow people into my personal "me" space - ya know?!

When A Friend Lies....

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