Why does it affect us so deeply?

stuckinarut2

I was having a great chat with a valued friend and fellow forum member today on the phone.

We were discussing how deeply we all get affected by JW interactions - even years after fading or disassociating.

You know what I mean. Those days when we run into jws who we considered to be our close friends. Or "loving shepherds" who don't act kindly. Or family members who shun us because of the stand we have taken for truth and honesty.

Those who were never jws don't understand the level of impact it can have. They say things like "it's just a religion", or "my religion is not like that"

We came up with a way to describe it.

Being a Jehovah's Witness is part of our very DNA. It was like our arm or leg - integral to who we were as a very person! Not something that could easily be removed from us!

Yet we can be proud that no matter how much the cult was part of our very DNA, we have seen that standing up for truth and honesty is far FAR more important, and takes far more strength!

So if you're ever feeling overwhelmed by it all, know that you're not alone!

Bravo for being genuinely Truthful!

dubstepped

Oh yeah, being a JW was our being. How meta is that, lol. Anyway, it was our very identity, and for many of us that included our formative years and maybe even the majority of our years. We still have family stuck in it. It's hard to leave that all behind, not to mention a faith that told us we'd never die and could one day have a panda.

It is funny how we did take a stand for truth and it gets us kicked out of "The Truth®".

OneEyedJoe

A big part of cult indoctrination is that they force you to integrate the cult into your very identity. That's the point of the constant talk about "make the truth your own" "put on the new personality" "spiritual heritage" etc. Once you're out you will likely become a very different person.

The other effect this constant indoctrination has is that it makes all JWs into very nearly the same person. Certainly when they're in cult mode (i.e. out preaching or when their defenses are up because they've come across a DFed/faded/inactive person - so this covers 90% of the interactions anyone on this forum is going to have with JWs) the variations between them are negligible. This means, too, that when we see a JW in full cult personality, we're essentially looking at our past selves. I think this is the main reason why interactions with JWs affect me so much, I see all the flawed reasoning that I was doing myself that kept me trapped so long and I find myself becoming angry at my former cult self.

For me it's like watching a video recording of the most embarrassing thing I've ever done - something that cost me so much time, money, experiences, and friendships.

blisterfeet

It’s a lifestyle, not just a religion. I don’t think I personally could know all the ways it has effected me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

When i I first started really jumping into YouTube and forums and stuff I still had this inexplicable fear of apostasy, even though I left years ago. I comforted myself by telling myself “at least you know the Bible, you can trust it” come to find out I was given the wrong freakin bible!!! It’s a scary thought, but I didn’t even know that would scare me.

jw.org has layers..peel them back and they get more stinky.

Phizzy

For me, I would never describe my JW experience as part of my DNA, and I don't think the analogy is helpful to people trying to get over the experience of being in a High Control, Mind Control Cult.

It makes it sound as though it is all such an integral part of you that you will never get rid of it.

My experience has been that yes, it has taken a few years to get totally rid of JW thoughts and fears etc, but they are now gone !

Yes, I can feel slightly miffed if a JW scuttles away when they catch sight of me, though that has not happened in a long while, but "worldly" people do that sometimes too. ( Must be something about me LOL).

I cannot forget that I once was a JW, but it no longer affects me adversely. I cannot forget that I went to a piss-poor School either, but that doesn't worry me, I educated myself.

JW's and their funny ways and general silliness are simply to be laughed at.

Alive!

OneEyedJoe6 hours agoA big part of cult indoctrination is that they force you to integrate the cult into your very identity. That's the point of the constant talk about "make the truth your own" "put on the new personality" "spiritual heritage" etc. Once you're out you will likely become a very different person.
The other effect this constant indoctrination has is that it makes all JWs into very nearly the same person. Certainly when they're in cult mode (i.e. out preaching or when their defenses are up because they've come across a DFed/faded/inactive person - so this covers 90% of the interactions anyone on this forum is going to have with JWs) the variations between them are negligible. This means, too, that when we see a JW in full cult personality, we're essentially looking at our past selves. I think this is the main reason why interactions with JWs affect me so much, I see all the flawed reasoning that I was doing myself that kept me trapped so long and I find myself becoming angry at my former cult self.

A great summary.

As a convert, I wanted to ‘put on the new personality’ of Christ.

That personality was very, very attractive and heartwarming to me.

The Watchtower muddies this ongoing transformation with the cardboard cut out figure of the ideal ‘publisher’.

I remember feeling quite disorientated in the first year of indoctrination.

When I have occasional interactions with ‘in’ JWs, the rigid thinking and ‘JW’ verbal phrasing is a stand out.

And yes, it unnerves me a little.

Such apparent sweetness, yet such strangeness - I don’t feel comfortable with witnesses anymore, how can you when you know they walk in ‘mind’ lockstep even when something is very wrong, and fairly pointed out to them.

It can hurt - and it does affect me.

DesirousOfChange

Because if you were a sincere, deep down, diehard, believing JW, it was not "part of your life" -- It WAS your life.

EVERYTHING -- eat, drink, sleep, work, play, etc -- EVERYTHING was affected by being a JW. Even everything as intimate and personal as the sexual intimacies between husband and wife (and we won't even get into orientation, premarital, masturbation, and all that). Why would we do that?

Because we became accustomed to them telling us everything -- controlling everything. Be at meeting 3x every week. Be in service 10 hours per month (if you're a lowly slacking publisher). You'll have "to explain to GOD" why you're not a pioneer. Give us more, More, MORE! More of your time. More of your moneyl More of your LIFE!

And even after one leaves, so many things in one's life is still affected. So much of it has been hardwired into our brain.

Do you still cringe when you see Blood Sausage in a meat case? (I know I'd still never eat it!)

How difficult was it to say "Happy Birthday" or "Merry Christmas" for the first time? Do you still think of Halloween as having something to do with the demons? (Admit it. The thought still races around in your head!)

Are you still repelled by the though of two guys kissing? (OK, prob not if YOU are gay. And, of course, the idea of two GIRLS kissing is ......... cool! Of course that's a double standard, but don't blame me!!)

Has anyone bought a cross necklace? (Very few, I suspect.)

It affects us so deeply because it was all ingrained in us so deeply. Time heals all wounds. (Hopefully I have enough time.)

sparrowdown

Yes, if you take the illustration of the "narrow road" that leads to "life" (finding the self) you could apply it to the struggle for and maintainence of truth and honesty (integrity)in ones life and the relatively "few" that choose that path.

First one needs to recognise the lies and then have the courage to reject them and walk away choosing this puts you in a precarious place socially and emotionally being at odds with most if not all the people you knew and loved and who you thought loved you. So in a sense a "narrow road."

It would seem at times it would have been much easier in many ways to just keep going along with the lies to get along and appease others like a "broad road" that leads to the "death" of self and the majority choose this.

As you can see I have given it some thought, lol, kind of "hero of a thousand journeys" type stuff.

EverApostate

It still deeply affects me (Even after 8 years of quitting) because my wife and mom are still in the cult and I'm a little suspicious that they may turn against me anytime, influenced by the cult

Xanthippe

It's more like a virus that invades your body when you're in a week state and takes over your DNA to multiply itself. We eventually find the strength to fight it off and develop antibodies to prevent it returning.

Why does it affect us so deeply?

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