Ok here is a new one. I left the borg after a 5 year struggle at home. The best way for me to leave was to move across the country from East to West, (still wasn't far enough), I was unemployed at the time and had no real opportunities, so my girlfriend at the time (not a jo-ho)(who my family never met) and I headed out west. Now, I returned home about 3 years later when my dad past away, and at the funeral, people were coming up to me asking me how the west was and how was my new congregation, can you believe this. I then realized that my mom, brother and sister may have been hiding something, and to clarify my girlfriend and I were NOT married. So we were living in sin as well (and loving it). I really don't like my brother or sister too much and would really like to screw them. Now 10 years later, I go home again and would you believe the same thing. I just about DIED. What are they doing, are they that embarrased of me, they can't tell their Jo-Ho friends what happened with me, and that I have left. It made me feel very uncomfortable. So the question is ....... Being an elder in the congregation, and not lying but also not telling the truth, would this affect anything. They all know we live together, do not go to meetings, fall into the category of apostate, and that I hate their guts. (And I know that sounds harsh, but I really have no family, they live in a different world, very sad, but you know you can't pick your neighbors and you can't pick your parents.)
Brother (elder) Sister (pioneer) hid my leaving should they be punished
The worst thing you can do to them is to let them continue doing what they are doing to themselves. By their omissions, deceptions of others they have sewn the seeds of their own crisis. If they have a conscience then it will eat at them the longer they keep doing this. If they don't have a conscience then they aren't worth the time or thought.
The best revenge is living well, in mental, physical and spriitual (as you define it for yourself) context.
We have a similar situation in our family, one of my husband's brothers is a witness,,,,,,,,not an elder or ms, barely makes meetings, but they consider themselves good Jw's non the less. But he has seen with his own eyes, other JW members of our family who are not yet d/a or d/f smoking, and he hasnt turned them in.
I think some do not report these things to keep some kind of family ties open, it doesnt hurt their conscience, in our case this brother of his has done some questionable things as well and we all know it.
I think too that alot of witnesses make up their own rules as they go along, on who they will talk to that are d/f and who they will not rat on .
My dad was first in line to bring me down, and he never told me he was involved in it all, i found out later.
But a few years ago, he was taking care of his wife's d/f sister,letting her live on his land and even setting her up with another witness , they later married. I guess in all of his wisdom he felt he knew what the outcome would be when she was reinstated, but he still broke the rules.
You seem to had a lot of anger toward your family. And that may be justified. But rather that trying to hurt them with only a limited possibility of any success, why not help them get out of that mess. You can talk to them and maybe influence them in a subtle way. Take your time and formulate a plan. If is fails you can always go back to your original concept. Time is on your side, take advantage of it. Maverick
Live well and don't give them another thought.
So the question is ....... Being an elder in the congregation, and not lying but also not telling the truth, would this affect anything.
Where I come from "not telling the truth" IS lying.......
They sound embarrassed by you, and since you live so far away they thought that the lie was safe. Guess they were wrong. I know plenty of witnesses who have lied in the past.....even though they claim that they might live at a higher standard than the other 6 billion people on this planet....it is just a fantasy....Good for you for telling the "truth".
One thing I'll always believe about the JW's...they cannot tolerate truth.
"Be true to thine self."
"You arent' going to please all of the people all of the time."
"Don't let the bastards get you down."
granny, of the "I don't care what my JW family thinks, class.
Just a possibility, but maybe they feel that it is none of anyones business what you do with your personal life. Maybe they have not actively perpetuated the myth that you are still in, but have simply let people assume for themselves what they want so as to avoid nosy people who would try to tell them how they should handle their relationship with you.
I say this only because of my situation with my parents. They know that I celebrate holidays, that I no longer beleive it to be true but they do not shun or judge, nor do they tell others in their congregation how I feel. If they tell anyone anything, it is simply that I do not go to meetings(true) - and as I have not formally DA'd or been DF'd they are not, in my opinion, doing anything wrong by keeping my business and theirs private.
Since you live so far away, why stir it up? It is not as if you live close by and are there all the time and if they want to keep your decision to themselves, especially if you have not formally DA'd what is the harm? As you said, they know your situation and have obviously chosen to let it remain family business rather than public knowledge. Again, I am not in your shoes, and may be drawing wrong conclusions, but personally, I would view their not vocalizing your personal life to people who would only judge you to be a caring thing, not a bad thing.