disfellowshipped family and friend being reinstated

Together

New to the forums and looking for someone who may have had a similar experience. I have been disfellowshipped going on 30 years now. Within those thirty years I have built myself a life and slowly learned to cope with the shunning from family and friends. It's been a lonely and painful struggle but less of a struggle when some of my siblings also joined me.

Then along comes facebook! A friend request from my Jehovah's witness father whom has shunned me for years. He only spoke to me when it was a "official family business". I thought to myself that maybe he was reaching out to me and my siblings because he wanted to reconnect. Ha Ha stupid me! I accepted... He never conversed with us at all and just seemed to be using facebook to see what we were up to. My Jehovah's witness sister also friended me. She still talks to me a little. She called me and told me we could be friends on facebook but I was not allowed to like or comment on any of her posts and vice versa. She told me recently, If the society recommends that she completely shun me she will be loyal to Jehovah and what communication we have now will cease!

3 years ago I also got a friend request from my old friend I grew up with. She was the only friend I had in the congregation and we were best buds until I was disfellowshipped. We reconnected and even had a nice reunion. I was so excited to have her back in my life! Two years later I started seeing posts to her facebook page congratulating her for going back to meetings! Next thing I knew she was reinstated. she removed me as her friend, ignored all my pm's and text messages. I was devastated! Ok so that happened and I was hurt but bounced back. Two months later my brother did the same thing, got reinstated and deleted me from facebook and now shuns me again.

I ended up becoming so angry, it was like I was beginning to feel that horrible rejection all over again! I deleted my facebook, made a new page and blocked all of them! If they leave again or want to have a real unconditional relationship with me they have my phone number and that's if I even bother to answer! Tired of this emotional roller coaster!

freddo

Sorry to hear your troubles "Together" - what do you think made them "go back"? Do they believe it and are "weak" or are they going back for contact with family or even inheritance purposes do you think?

NewYork44M

Facebook is not the real world. The only thing that is real on Facebook is that jerks in real life remain jerks on Facebook.

Remember the best revenge is leading a successful life, which it seems you are doing. Best wishes.

Witness My Fury

I'm starting to come to the view that pre emptive shunning of them is the right course of action. If the threat of shunning or conditional friendship is invoked by them then just lay the cards down on the table and tell them what happens next if that is the way they want to proceed, rather than be the victim of shunning, own it and use it to your own empowerment and self preservation.

No second chances unless it is heartfelt and honest. Any "terms or conditions" imposed results in them staying in the "no fucks given" column.

stan livedeath

hello Together--welcome to the site.

i quit the cult over 40 years ago--and over the course of time all 3 of my kids shunned me. 2 still do. however about 7 years ago i found out my older son had been d/f'd--and i found him through facebook. gradually we built an online relationship. he remarried--i was at his wedding--now he has a son--over a year old now. i visit them periodically--in fact--first sunday in august is the next time.

his own mother--my first wife..shuns him completely--so do his siblings--so really--i'm the only person in his family left.

it was through the discovery of him being d/f that led me to getting involved with all this online ex jw thing---before that i had no idea it existed. reading stories like yours--and countless others--just reinforces my belief that jehovahs witnesses is just a sad little lunatic fringe cult.

Together

Totally not sure why my brother went back. He was disfellowshipped for at least 25 years. He has had a lot of mental health problems, drug issues,run ins with the law and has always seemed a little lost. He never really could let go of past and move on. My friend was disfellowshipped for immorality many years ago and married a man in the Army.As far as I could gather she seemed still somewhat connected to the organization and her family never really shunned her. I should have seen that one coming but my brother being reinstated shocked me.

Looking back now I see that I left myself open to feeling rejected but that's how the Jehovah's witnesses work. They emotionally blackmail members and ex members by taking and giving fake conditional love and acceptance. "Stay loyal to the governing body or else we will punish you by taking the people you love away from you." really kind of feel sad for those who get away but never really wake up. I am glad I woke up before I was disfellowshipped . I was disfellowshipped for apostasy. Seems the ones that become disfellowshipped because they are feeling constricted by the rules, slip up and commit immorality or something of that nature end up going back sooner or later. Some just want a break but never really wake up and question the organization and it's doctrines. That's the hold the governing body has on members and to keep seeing this hypocrisy is maddening to say the least.

millie210

Hi Together,

I dont have any advise for you but just reading this thread makes me think you are the best of the bunch. It is their loss.

DesirousOfChange

Looking back now I see that I left myself open to feeling rejected but that's how the Jehovah's witnesses work. They emotionally blackmail members and ex members by taking and giving fake conditional love and acceptance. "Stay loyal to the governing body or else we will punish you by taking the people you love away from you."

Let's review: It's a Cult!

Doc

scratchme1010

I think that it's very painful to be submitted to such undeserving mistreatment. Long ago I learned not to accept my JW family's "attempts" at relationships for as long as they remain JWs. They are not, never going to respect my life, my decision, and their attempts have always been for them to feel good about themselves, never real interest in me.

I'm not on Facebook, not only because I don't want those people trying to lurk around my life, but also because as others say, Facebook is no different than the rest of the world. Jerks are jerks, Facebook or not. I love my life too much for me to open doors to the trash that I left behind try to come mess with me.

LisaRose

The beliefs are like the a long dormant virus that can suddenly flare up and make you sick again.

disfellowshipped family and friend being reinstated

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