q: What do you get when you cross a JW with an Octopus?
a: I don't know but it sure can clean homes for a living!
HOW TO GET RID OF A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS
When they ask, "Can I talk to you about God?" Reply, "Sure, what would you like to know?"
Answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."
Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say 'Allah be Praised!
Ask them for their address. When they ask why you want it, claim that you want to appear on their doorstop univited so that you can peddle your own beliefs.
Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.
Tell them you already have your own religion. When they ask what it is, wince a little before confessing, "er, I'm not sure if it's legal in this country
A chalk outline of a human body on the pavement, and a few copies of "The Watchtower" scattered around...
On the first day for new Bethelites, Dan Sydlik points out some of the rules.
"The female residences will be out-of-bounds for all male Bethelites, so too the male residences to any female Bethelites. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 from your allowance the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180."
"Are there any questions?"
At this, a Bethelite in the crowd inquires, "How much for a season pass?"
Sister Annie Righteous was engaged to Brother Bill Faithful. The'd both grown up in the truth together, at the same congregation, and marriage seemed to be the next logical step. There weren't many fish in this sea, anyway. However, unbeknownst to Bill, Annie was in fact far from being a virgin, having lived a double life. The night before the wedding she called her best friend Ruth Thankful. She explained the problem to Sister "Thankful". "Oh that happens to us all, Sister Righteous. Here's what to do. First, go to the grocery store.."
After wedding rehearsal she went home and stopped at Kroger's, buying a package of fresh liver. The next morning she got ready and slid all of the liver into her box hoping for the best.
After a loveley wedding and alchohol free reception, Bill took Annie away for the honeymoon. That night in a roadside motel they rendered each other the marital due at least four times, in various positions and places.
Annie wakes up the next morning and Bill is nowhere to be seen. She smiles and thinks, "Oh he must have went out to get breakfast for us." Then she finds a letter on the nightstand..
It pains my heart to say this, but I think we must both admit that despite our love for each other, and despite making vows to remain married before Jehovah, we are simply too different. I don't see how it could work out. I wish you all the best, but I am going back to live with my mother.
(P.S. Your vagina is in the sink)