"That is going to be the last..." feeling

by paradiseseeker 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • paradiseseeker

    It's been a long time since I last kept you up to date with leaving process.

    Well, I got another teaching job, I started to work in October and my contract will expire in July. That's is almost a year of financial security and I have the certainty that I will be called in a different school in September until I eventually get a fixed post - this is how it works in state schools in Spain. The experience has been much harder at the beginning because the students at this school are much more difficult to deal with because of their bad behavior and other problems with their families, drugs and so on... But little by little I managed to adapt my methodology and to focus on the good aspects of my circumstances and by now I can say that I'm enjoying my job again.

    In November I finally left my parent's house and became independent and it's being a great experience because I can finally prove myself that I can live on my own, I can finally go in and out whenever I want to, and I appreciate my parents more since now I'm more conscious about how difficult is to run a house and the sacrifices they've made to raise me up, so I really enjoy paying them a visit a least once a week.

    And regarding my leaving from the org... It's quite hard to explain. I'm literally at the doorstep, I could leave whenever I want to, nothing has the power to hold me back (against my will I mean). I have this constant feeling of "this convention is going to be last one", "this Memorial will be the last", "this is the last time I'll see those JW friends of that town"... but what actually happens is that I'm immersed in my job and my daily routine (which includes hanging out with my closest JW friends) and time just goes by and I don't take that final step.

    Of course, the reason why I don't leave is that I love my JW parents and friends and I don't want to hurt them. In fact I don't know why I am writing this since I perfectly know what I have to do and why I'm not doing it, but I wanted to share with you this sensation of having a plan, carried through but being stuck at the end waiting for that final ideal moment or that final push of bravery to complete it. I don't know if you can relate.

    Anyway, thank you for reading my post. Any thoughts on this will be appreciated.

  • Xanthippe

    Congratulations on your teaching contract and moving out to live on your own! I hope you get a permanent post soon.

    I'm not going to tell you what to do, you seem happy with your life so why worry about making a big show of leaving the JWs. Hopefully your life will simply move on and be filled with your job, enjoying your new home and the new friends you will make from your job. It will happen naturally.

    Either your JW friends will drop off as you do less in the religion or they will stick with you. No need to make a big deal with your parents just take your time.

    You say you know you need to make that final step but nobody here is telling you to do that. Do what makes you happy.

  • Diogenesister

    Congrats, by the way, on the move and the new(ish)job contract.

    Im sure leaving the org will happen organically, at some point. You will have more and more 'worldly'contacts some of whom will become friends. You will rely less and less on your parents circle, and perhaps one day meet 'the one'that will lead you down another avenue in life. And maybe one day you will create your *own* family. Their needs will naturally become priority and at that pojnt you are likely to draw that final line in the sand that your friends and family can choose (hopefully)to ignore or turn into a brick wall as they will.

  • Giordano

    I agree.....what's the rush to leave?

    Just slowly disengage, you've got a job that is more complicated then most of those in your JW social circle so complaining about the work load you are carrying can be understood by them and your parents.

    You need to keep a low profile. Also belonging to a different congregation, if you are still going to their congregation, would be better.

    You don't show up at your new congregation because you were at Mom and Dad's, When your not at Mom and Dad's congregation you had to work or you were at your new one.

    When your in a conversation........ talk about your work, local JW gossip, who's sick, who's moving away.

    Keep a low profile, if you are pinned down there are different ways ways to handle it......"Mom and Dad I am dealing with some private issues that I am praying about and want to keep them private until all of the information has been collected".

    If they really NEED an explanation..."I have been very troubled about the JW child sexual abuse cases that have been reported. This is a problem that has to be resolved.......... until it is I am not reaching out nor doing more in service then I am."

    Are you doing field service? "Dad my field service time comes from my discussions with my peers at work."

    That's about as far as you need to go. The goal should be one JW family night a year..... which would be the Memorial....and a JW funeral, JW wedding.

    Eventually no one will expect anything from you and as Xanthippe said "Hopefully your life will simply move on and be filled with your job, enjoying your new home and the new friends you will make from your job. It will happen naturally.

    Either your JW friends will drop off as you do less in the religion or they will stick with you. "

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    Paradiseseeker; One thing about being a JW, we did things we thought we "Had to do." They weren't what we wanted to do, they were just things we felt an external pressure to do. Don't follow that pattern if you need not. Examine your needs, wants and then follow a practical plan to accomplish them. Don't feel you need to do it any particular way except one that is tailored to your reality. It's your life ya know. Not mom and dad's or the elders or even his majesty the great narcissistic murderer, Jehovah.

    Take a breath, read the suggestions here, then come to your own conclusions. All the best.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    It isn't an emergency...you don't have to do anything. If you find there are benefits to keeping things the same for a time or for however long you want....why change? Especially since you are making some big transitions in your life. It might be good to have a stable platform on which to fall back on.

    You can keep your thoughts about the religion to yourself and refrain from indoctrinating others and simply look at it as a social outlet. They like you ...you like them...nobody gets hurt. I suspect there are many JW's doing the same thing.

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