disfellowshipped wife, husband still a jw

thereishope

Hello! I'm new here and haven't introduced myself yet, but have been lurking for the past couple of weeks and learned so much! Thanks to all! Quick first question: if I get disfellowshipped for researching info on websites other than jw.org (the official website), how can I expect to be treated by my husband still in the truth? ie what will he be told by the elders about how to treat me? I have been very irregular in my meeting attendance for the past year or so and have been turning in my service report monthly but always with a big fat 0 for 9 months at least. I have a bunch more questions, but will leave it at that for now. Thanks in advance for any thoughts you may have for me.

Daniel1555

Welcome there is hope.

Looking at websites other than jw.org or even apostate websites is not a disfellowshipping offense.

If they find it out you will be counselled though.

But remember. The elders don't have any authority over you.

If you'll be disfellowshipped for other reasons your husband will be advised to stay with you. Only adultery is an official divorce reason for them.

They would maybe tell him that he shouldn't invite other jws if you are around.

zophar

Have the elders made any shepherding calls on you or talked about your field service report?

stuckinarut2

If it becomes known that you looked at or participated in forums like this, you will be treated as a marked person, and the elders will see to it that the gossip vine spreads warning messages about you to all and everyone you would ever have been close to.

You will be treated like a sinner and a leper.

Make it clear if they ever ask you though that you have "never spoken negatively or shared anything you have researched with anyone"

thereishope

Thank you, Daniel1555. My husband has caught on about me visiting the other websites, forums, etc. He warned me about it but hasn't taken it to the elders. I don't think he will. I hope he isn't obligated to!? My husband turning this wife in wouldn't be cool! If he did I'd take the counsel, dismiss it, continue my search, get counseled again and again and then disfellowshipped I guess if I don't stop. I'm very concerned about what would happen to my marriage - I know we'd have big disagreements if I were to disassociate myself, but my heart is getting loud in telling me that's what it wants to do. The disagreements with my husband have already started about me missing meetings (other than the phone lines) and telling him I wasn't going to go to the upcoming Regional Convention and if he wanted to go he'd be going by himself again. I've missed a number of conventions the last few years, and all the assemblies, and even the Memorial this spring. I've used health issues as an excuse, and that's it partially, but also I've seriously lost interest in doing things their way, thinking their way, and never being good enough or doing enough. Okay, I'm babbling. :) I've been doing so much thinking and journaling and reading the last couple of weeks, my brain hurts!! And the strain of trying to hide my process

Thanks, Zophar. No elders have talked to me about my meeting attendance or service. Nobody's come to my door or phoned me to "encourage" me. That's actually one of the reasons I started exploring. I was curious about whether I am deemed "inactive". And what that means. And would someone not have told me? And where was the concern and encouragement? Am I marked as "weak", as "poor association"? Nobody seems to want anything much to do with me or my husband. Wait, I don't want sound bitter, but ... I'm very lonely and went looking for some friends online, just some regular people because I'm not supposed to make friends with "worldly" people so I thought I'd do it in secret, and that's what lead me to this forum, and starting to think of myself as an ex-Jehovah's witness, or at least someone on her way out. Fading, I guess?

I think maybe I've mixed up my two replies somewhat, and I'm too tired to straighten it out. I've gone on longer than I intended, but I do appreciate your replies so much!

problemaddict 2

You cant be disfellowshipped for looking at web sites. No reason to share that info with them though.

My suggestion with your husband (if you have a good marriage and love him), would be to be honest yet tactful with him. He is probably trippin because of your change of heart, and if he is a good man and you guys are in love, I think it would be good to honor that relationship by being honest, giving him well thought out reasons (if he wants to discuss). Of course, this has to be done tactfully.

Only you know what is best.

May I ask what has made you decide it is no longer "the truth".?

xjwsrock

I am not sure what your current beliefs are or how much of those you have shared with anyone including your husband. It's what you believe or no longer believe that can get you in trouble.

Looking at websites is a slap on the wrist at best. What you would have to be careful about is how you answer their loyalty questions to see if you are an "apostate" or have "apostate ideas".

Tenacious

Welcome!

I don't believe surfing or reading anti-JW sites is a disfellowshipping offense. It only becomes one if you decide to share your findings with other members.

So, if you don't want any trouble with your hubby or the elders, don't mention that you do this. Keep to yourself although you may want to "wake up" family members, friends, etc.

If you want to help me wake up, ask them pointed questions to make THEM reflect and meditate on the teachings.

Best!!

LisaRose

Welcome to the forum. As others have said, it's not a disfellowshipping offense to look at websites like this. You could get into trouble for talking to other JWs about what you find, so be careful what you say.

I know it must be extremely difficult to be in your situation, so I feel for you. Your experience of being ignored once you stopped going to meetings is pretty common. I sometimes wonder if people are struggling with their own faith and don't feel strong enough to help out anyone else, I think a lot of people are having doubts and barely hanging in there. I can see where it might feel hurtful, as if you don't matter, but try not to take it personally. It would also be hard if people were bugging you about not going to the meetings, so there's that. Try to develop friends outside the organization, not just in the internet but in real life, this will help you transition to life outside of the JWs. In the meantime we are here, please feel free to send me a private message if you want to vent or chat.

Lisa🌹

Anders Andersen

Most likely your husband (as 'head of the family') will be told to reason with you until you quit doing 'spiritually dangerous' sites like this.

That's most likely all.

Of course your husband will have his own reaction. You know him better than we do (I hope :-))

disfellowshipped wife, husband still a jw

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