An aspect of dealing with my elderly, PIMI, Father

by joe134cd 22 Replies latest jw experiences

  • joe134cd

    For a bit of back ground. I’m a full blown POMO Apostate. Nothing would please me more to see Wt burn to the ground. However, for the smooth running of caring for my PIMI, elderly father, I have chosen not to DA. Other than through my father I have no other contact with JWs, and have never voiced my opinion to them.

    A couple weeks back my Father decided to have a few of his friends around. I was there. I just couldn’t help but think how much easier it is, less hassle, that I didn’t DA. Had a chat made them a cup of tea etc. Then on the other hand, I thought, would my father and his friends afford me the same leniency if I was open with my opinions.

    Have I sold myself out? I probably have. Or am i playing the game to win, with regards to caring for my dad.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    i dont see it as selling yourself out. Youre just trying to make the best of the situation--for your fathers sake. Do you live with him ?

  • GabeAthouse

    Have I sold myself out? I probably have. Or am i playing the game to win, with regards to caring for my dad.

    Only you can decide that. However if your elderly father requires a caregiver and you're it, self preservation would probably prevent him from shunning you. Thats how it seems to me.

    If you decided to leave the WT and be open about it, it doesn't mean you have to harangue your father to see the light in his final years. Perhaps you could find a balance. "I dont agree with the religion but we wont discuss it unless you ask."

  • truth_b_known

    Here is my opinion on the topic of disassociation within the Jehovah's Witness religion - Don't do it!

    When I stopped being one of Jehovah's Witnesses I was done with the practices and beliefs. Disassociation is a Jehovah's Witness practice. It is their game. It is their rules.

    Don't play their game. Don't play by their rules. Disassociation is a form of acknowledging their religion and authority.

  • joe134cd

    I have tried, in years gone by, to wake him up and it’s failed miserably. I now have come to the conclusion it’s just best to let him be. It gives him a purpose, a community, and something to do. I Haven’t been to a meeting in over 10 years, and I’ve told him that I don’t agree with the religion. Tbh I really don’t care about making a statement to the JWs by DAing. I’m not knocking on doors or going to meetings, and thats good enough for me.

  • carla

    Your a good son showing unconditional love, something they would not show you if they knew.

    They may know or suspect but prefer not to ask because they can see you are taking care of dad.

  • LongHairGal


    I tend to agree with Carla that they know or suspect that you don’t agree with the religion anymore. You’ve been out for over ten years.

    I don’t think you should write a DA letter either. Just keep your thoughts to yourself and don’t get cornered into any discussions with people your dad has invited over!

    But, just because the local congregation hasn’t bothered you up until now, doesn’t mean somebody can’t come knocking on your door at some point…to encourage you. 🤮

  • Phizzy

    Two Elders came to my door, a few years after I had left, the younger of the two, newly appointed, told me the Governing Body had asked them to call on me, as if THAT half-truth would impress me.

    The older of the two got on to the matter of DFing people, somehow, and I said "Well, you can't DF me, I have never been a part of the religion as it is now, you J.W's have changed all the fundamental teachings ! ". I was referring mainly to the laughable overlapping generation nonsense.

    I think if you left before that change, what I said is a good thing to say, telling them they no longer have any power over you.

    I concur with the advice not to D.A. For anyone ! when you first leave it is tempting, to get some closure, but the J.W's do not suffer if you do it, you do.

  • Gorb

    Same scenario here. We have good contact with all the JW family. Of course there is an Elephant in the room. But we are happy with it.


  • TonusOH
    Have I sold myself out? I probably have. Or am i playing the game to win, with regards to caring for my dad.

    Or you're a decent person in a difficult position and making the best of it, putting your consideration for your father above your own. My situation with my mother is similar. I think the only reason there have been no attempts to contact me is out of concern for what it would do to her if I was DF'ed. I'm fine with that, and if they decide to wait it out for her sake, it's something that I appreciate. Even knowing how she would act towards me if I was DF'ed. She's my mother, you know?

Share this