I am glad you kept trying up till now and that it has lead you to a better place.
Thank you! It is great feeling to understand that I am no longer bound by any of the religious dogma.
Welcome to the ranks of the mentally diseased LOL.
I think I used to think that I should say that to other people.
Well, I don't know whether the mental illness comes first and then people are attracted to the religion for stability or the religion causes mental illness. But, I do know there is a lot of mental illness in the JWs.
In my case, there is mental illness in non JW family members.
I don't think religion itself causes mental illness since many seem to be OK and even find strength from it. Some might even find the rules of the cult protective and if they do then who am I to judge them. I would still argue that for one who is happy, there is 10 who has problems with the way things are done - and not just basic rebellious "this sucks ass, I'm outta here guys", but real problems straight out caused by the cult.
I like to think that war, as one, creates this thing called Posttraumatic stress disorder. In this context I will equate it to evolution for sake of easy understanding as what I mean. When our great-great grandfathers has gone through a traumatic experience and later becomes diagnosed with PTSD, it will lead to abusive and mistreatment of their children, alcohol, drugs and so forth. In return they cause same treatment to their children. It will take many generations of bullying and torture before the wrongdoings of our fathers can be undone and situation is back to normal. Worst case scenario, due to war the cycle is never even broken and your entire family commits suicide because of politics you either had small or nothing to do with to begin with.
In my case there has been mental sickness from my grandparents too, who were not even witnesses. What kind, I have no idea. I just heard people quoting my grandpa saying that "if his mother and father are like this, it's no wonder the son is like that." Based on what my family has told me anything about my father is that he often did crazy stuff. Once during meeting he just quietly snapped while sitting, went outside in a car and crashed it into others on the parking lot.
I'm in the US and it is very, very expensive. As I read your story I kept thinking, 'How can he afford to keep going to the hospital?
When someone attempted suicide, they are taken to regular hospital first to see if the person is OK before they are sent to psychiatric hospital. Now, to be honest I am not completely sure about the psychiatric hospital, if it is free or not. I sure don't remember anybody ever mentioning money, however I was underage person when all happened (except for the last attempt, where I was given bill). School is free, offering free food so I would think that supporting momentarily one's crisis is too. Psychiatric treatment is not free, but there are agencies helping to cover the expenses.
I will likely soon stop visiting here myself. Like you, I too find myself negatively impacted by many of the things that I read on here and elsewhere.
Despite if I read or not, I still get outbursts of sadness that later turn into anger. I wouldn't have joined unless it's a must since I really don't want to spend my life dedicated into naming and shaming my old religion. It just seems many people have never even let out their anger, instead they feed on it. It is most likely a survival mechanism that has always happened but in this case it's no longer working for me, thus I want to get things out. Look at a pet, dog or cat, that has their entire lives been mistreated and see how they act even if the most sweetest granny came to give food. It's the only thing they know. They don't know anything else and therefore they must protect themselves to survive.
I feel the stress is so much that it's negatively affecting my life and marriage. Someone posts something negative to get out their pain, it affects you because it reminds you of your own unhealed wounds. Even basic news about witnesses have this same effect on me. Has always had, even when I was in. I used to read news and think that hopefully there is nothing (secretly still wanting there was), and when there was I couldn't resist to read the news because it's technically forbidden.
Thank you all for your messages!
