In love with disfellowshipped JW

by Amberlou 20 Replies latest social relationships

  • JW GoneBad
    JW GoneBad

    Amberlou...the first thing that came to mind when I read your thread was..."Run Forest Run!

    Seriously...get the holy hell out of that relationship!

  • Giordano

    This is always a difficult situation....... meaning to have one mate clinging to the JW religion for 'family' and the other mate not being a JW. Sorry Amberlou...... he needs to invest his love and good intentions in you first and foremost.

    If your guy can't shake loose of this religion he will never function in 'normal mode' .....he will be back tracking and will never emerge as his own person.

    You can't create a loving and supportive life if his beliefs run counter to what you would consider normal.

    The following is what you need to know:

    Number one........ This old world is going to experience a massive destruction of over 8 billion plus people who are not JW's. That's what the JW's believe. They can't wait for Armageddon which is a foundation stone in their belief. So basically it's a death cult........ not for loyal JWs but for everyone else....... like you and me. My children and grandchildren.

    Should you be in a car accident or have a terrible illness your husband will refuse to allow you to have a life saving blood transfusion.

    How many JW's have died because they believed in the ban on blood?

    Thousands since 1945 each and every year. Does any other religion prevent a blood transfusion? .....No.

    We lost two close family members....... my wife's mother and my sister. Trust me on this one....... been there...... experienced it.

    Remember Jonestown? Drinking the kool aid? Over 1,000 of Jim Jones followers, including over 300 children,died for whatever reason. Yes he was demented but so are the JW's. Each and every year a thousand or two or three thousand JW's die because of their misunderstood belief.

    At it's core the JW religion is as insane as Jonestown was.

    This is just the start of what's wrong with being a JW.

    Look up and actually read about what is wrong with this religion.

  • DesirousOfChange



    First you need to know if they guy still believes the JW stuff. If he does, get the hell outta there!

    Some people are DFd because they find out it is really NOT "The Truth".

    Other people are DFd because they simply cannot live by the JW Rules. (ie, no pre-marital sex). If he is this latter case, then he will marry you and go right back to the JW Cult (now being to have sex with a wife and live by "their rules"). He will likely expect you to convert. (After all, JW's have The Truth!) He will expect (and be expected) to raise any children as JW's. Your children will be denied higher education and will be expected to sell WT literature door-to-door. He will refuse to approve of you or your children having a blood transfusion in a life threatening situation.

    I don't think you know what you are getting into here yet. You need to have a sit-down and serious discussion.

    YOU need to learn more about JW's before that sit down so you can ask pertinent questions. JW's are NOT just another protestant religion that happens to be a little "strange". JW's are a Cult. They are about "control". If he is married to a non-JW, he will always be a 2nd Class JW.

    Good luck!


  • Incognito

    Welcome to the forum Amberlou,

    Unless your BF realizes for himself that the JW religion is not "the truth" and is a cult, there is always a high risk that he will return to it, even if he now denies that.

    The lack of relationship with his family due to him not being a JW will be his family's decision. If his family is willing to break ties and turn their backs on him only because he decided he no longer wishes to remain a JW, then they really don't deserve him or you.

    Will you ultimately accept and respect your BF if he changes who he is so as to satisfy the demands of his relatives? Even if he were to cave into their demands, do you believe they will then accept his relationship with you?

    Giving into demands of relatives is a slippery slope. If he allows them to control him because he fears their rejection, reinstatement will not be enough but they will continue to place further demands on him to continue their approval.

  • joe134cd

    Another very good resource, that I would strongly encourage you to discuss with your boyfriend.

  • 1234

    I'm afraid this is an old story.

    I think of the line from the Fiddler on the roof.

    "Yes a bird can fall in love with a fish but where will they build their home."

    Good luck!

  • MightyV8
  • JWPrince

    If you love each other and want to be together, you should definitely marry before he attempts to return. As long as he is dating an "unbeliever," he is never going to be reinstated. At that point, prepare yourself for a full court press to be indoctrinated into the religion. If you don't allow that to happen, he can technically still be a witness in good standing, and you would be viewed as an unbelieving mate. It wouldn't restrict him from association with other witnesses or his family. And you could be included as well.

    All that having been said, if you go this route, you are in for a very unsettled life. Witnesses do not make anything easy, and are constantly into everyone else's business.

    There is a lot of good advice given ahead of my post. I am certainly not recommending you pursue this relationship. Merely covering one technical aspect of how it works.

    And it really depends on whether he is returning to the religion merely to get reinstated so he can have contact with his family again, or if he believes it and wants to dive back in headfirst. If it is the latter, RUN.

    Good luck!

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas


    Joined 3 days ago

    Rhymes with "troll"? Not that that has EVER happened before... right?

  • LongHairGal


    It may hurt and be the hardest thing you do but stop seeing this person...Everything everybody has told you is true.

    Somebody brought up in the Jehovah’s Witness religion knows nothing else. They are not like normal people who have dealings with everybody, the community, etc. If he wants a relationship with his family - which is normal - they will emotionally blackmail him into coming back to the religion/cult..You don’t understand the emotional entanglement.. He may not inherit money unless he goes back.

    Where does this leave you? Not in a good place I assure you.

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