by rathernotsay 49 Replies latest jw friends
Personally, I would not allow the "Spiritual Endangerment" card to be held over my head.
In JW land, it justifies separation, but not actual divorce, which means she will not be able to unilaterally remove the children from their home. (I'm assuming you live in the U.S.)
It's probably been about 2 years clean now looking back on the previous post, so perhaps that's why the pioneering has only recently started. I forget what they called it when they stood her down (allowed to go to meetings but not answer up or anything), but during that period I had been talking to one of her elders and still have his phone number shall I need it. I'll just mention when she fell pregnant with our first child she was de fellowshiped. It was then that I seen how miserable she became without her friends and family, and being at a time in her life when she needs them more than ever before. This made me hae not just their faith but all of them even more. She decided in her head that she would leave to start a family with me. This is when I decided if she's prepared to do that then I'm prepared to marry her to give her her life back. Maybe I shouldve just let her walk.
As far as the kids go, I don't like it but I feel that there is little I can do. I don't want to blame work but it really is a case of I have to be at work to provide for us as we are living entirely off my income. Which means that she is responsible for looking after the kids in the large part, so if she wants to go to meetings or door to door etc that the kids enevitably end up with her. Is she brain washing the kids? I'd like to think not... yet when I asked Mr 3 to say something nice to me yesterday he said Jehovah loves you. I don't know if this makes me angry or sad. Both probably.
Yes, she is brainwashing the kids because she is brainwashed!
See my previous post.
She is most definitely brain washing your kids. Wait until one of them tells you that Jehovah is going to kill you.
1) Put a lock on your mancave door and keep the key. Don't say a thing. Just do it.
2) See if your State/region has "alienation of affection" laws on the books. (That is something that some of the US States have.) If so, have an attorney send a letter to the Cong and the WTS Branch threatening to sue for such (blaming it on your elder friend opposing your wishes).
3) If you're the only income to the family, where is she getting all the money for pioneering? Maybe you need some tighter reins on the purse strings. I'd make damn sure there wasn't any of MY income going into the Contribution Box.
Oh man, she's definitely brainwashing the kiddos. Adults have a hard time being around them and not getting sucked in. Kids have little chance against its power. Most of us here were kids raised in it. It's a mind fuck. With you, a "worldly" parent, they do stand more of a chance.
I would highly recommend you read a book called "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud. You need some my friend. She's got none. That's a typical JW though. The cult recruits and breeds narcissists. And narcissists get in relationships with people that will put up with their bullshit.
Again, you need to push hard for marriage counseling. She needs to understand the seriousness of this. Please read up on boundaries online if you won't read the book. You deserve better. Your kids deserve better. Honestly, she deserves better. Time to bring in healthy relationship tools.
My wife in six years of marriage, I have never once seen my wife read the Bible, does even read the magazines. Can't answer the simplest of theological questions.
Yet she needed to take a week off work to pioneers. Ducking ridiculous.
I set limits on what I'm prepared to give her towards it. I don't give her money to go away to the conventions. I do however pay for her petrol that is supposed to be used for school runs etc but is obviously getting used towards her pioneering. She does bring in a small income (just be fully transperant).. here in new zealand we have a tax scheme that gives you money back off your income tax each week based on your earnings and dependants. This is paid to her. It's not alot but it's generally enough for her to buy herself and the kids treats and has allowed her to pay a new (2nd hand) car off. I know she puts this money aside to save for her conventions. Perhaps I do need to tighten up the purse a wee bit. It does annoy me that while I am paying our housing, power, Internet, food bills etc she is able to save for these trips away while I'm left unable to save for a holiday for us. It may aswell be comming out of my income as its just money she's not putting towards the family, am I right?
I know its hard but try to keep things from snowballing if you can, at least in your mind and heart.
Dont worry for now about the kids being brainwashed. You mentioned school and kindergarten so they are getting good socialization there.
JWs have a terrible retention rate even when both parents try hard. Your kids will (statistically speaking) move away from this religion all on their own shortly.
I know opinions are a dime a dozen but I SO like the idea of locking your man cave. If a key lock seems to obvious, get a combination lock....either way!
