How Much Have You Changed As Far As Concepts?

by Sentinel 7 Replies latest jw friends

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  Sentinel

  Most of us were still floundering as we faded away, were disassociated or disfellowshipped. We were no doubt quite unhappy, unsettled, and felt like we "belonged nowhere". No matter how we got away from "the false" we still had to "really get away mentally and emotionally" if our purpose was to rejoin the world of human beings that exist in the here and now, in reality. What I mean by that, is that if we've been "out" for some time, our thought patterns, our concepts about life, etc., our hopes and dreams, should be taking on a new directive and dimension--evolving and changing as we grow.

  When I first got out, I was so hurt to the core to realize that the "truth" was a lie, and I was so disillusioned about myself and my belief structure, that I couldn't even take my bible and open it and read without falling apart in tears. Thus, the bible (and I only had that one NWT bible left) literally was not opened for many years. I cringed when the subject of religion came up, and I had no wish to get involved in any type of organized belief system. I felt disconnected from reality and that my foundation had been ripped up and tossed away, and I didn't have too much strength left to fix it.

  Gradually, as I struggled to heal myself, and learned to love and trust myself and others, I began thinking again about where I was in life, and what I really wanted to get out of this life, and what the future might hold. My spiritual needs were roused once again and I began to listen to the nudge. This was nearly three years ago now, and the first thing I did was to get that old bible out, wipe off the dust, and start comparing it with other translations. Gradually, what it proved to me, personally, is that the bible is "man made". My spirituality was going to have to rise above any type of stereotype teachings, or familiarities of the way the world in general looks upon religion. The more I read, the more I was enlightened. My whole vision of myself and my life came through, and I began to be happy for the first time in so many, many years. Real happiness. The deep down kind. I was connecting with something beautiful and it gave me security and peace.

  We've all had our own private journey and I believe that could be very interesting to share. What changes have you made in your life since you are free?
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  Ravyn

  excellent post BTW.

  I changed so deeply and profoundly that I have actually considered the possibility of a 'walk-in' in my case!

  I had a NDE(Near Death Experience) as I was leaving JWs. My whole world changed. My whole person changed.

  You expressed how I have felt also. So much changed with me that I don't think I could catalog it without writing a book. (so please if anyone is really interested--ask me specifics.)

  in a nutshell, I went from dying to living.

  Ravyn
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  rocketman

  I think I need to be 'free' a bit longer, because thus far, not much is different for me. There are some things though that might be worth mentioning.

  I like Tuesdays and Thursdays again. That may seem trivial, but after hating two days per week for 30 years because of meetings, and only because of meetings falling on those nights, it's really nice to have that time for other things. I'd wake up feeling down because I knew the day would end in a long, boring, totally unfulfilling way - the meeting or book study (which, at 1 hour, may not seem long, but it shot the whole evening and pretty much ruined the whole day just by the prospect of knowing I had to attend).
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  Introspection

  I'll answer the question in the body of your message rather than the topic, because although I have changed conceptually none of those are the biggy - for example anyone can read a book, but that doesn't mean they are free even if they understand the ideas in it.

  The one thing that actually changed and not just conceptually is that I stopped identifying with concepts arbitrarily. What I mean by that is anything from a formal world view whether religious or secular, or even the idea of being free itself. Consider this: If you are really free, why would you spend much time thinking about the fact that you are? We are the body that we walk around with and do stuff with, but most people don't spend an inordinate amount of time going "wow, a body!! I got four limbs and twenty digits, I can grab stuff with the hands and wriggle my toes and move in all sorts of cool ways" all the time. You're free to use your body, so you just use it. Furthermore it just goes to show that none of the body parts are the cause of your freedom, YOU use all parts of the body freely. So I see using the mind in the same way, I'm free to use my thoughts but none of them are the cause of that freedom, you might say the freedom is the space in which the thoughts can move around in.

  (edited for typo)
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  Sentinel

  Rayvyn, thank you for your kindness. You and I have something in common, in that we both had a NDE, and, yes, that definitely changes EVERYTHING. You will have to send me an email and expound on what happened with you. Perhaps we have even more things in common. When you said that you went from the dying to the living...that really hit home with me.

  Rocketman: I know what you mean. At first everything is so overwhelming. Just the simple freedom of not having to be somewhere at a certain time, so many nights a week was a relief to me too. And, once I was really out, I didn't have to figure out excuses anymore. It didn't matter. I was off that crazy merry-go-round and it was so excilerating. It even crossed my mind, the feeling that, well if this JW thing is really the truth, then why does leaving feel so right? I mean, I lost a heck of a lot when I made the choice; and it still felt right, like one of those things you just have to do. I had lots of negatives in my mind; but my heart said "girl, you are going to be alright". I was an absolute mess really. I hid it well. I kept busy and just didn't resolve anything for a very long time. That wasn't a healthy thing to do, but it was my coping mechanism at the time. Aside from the JW thing, I had other stuff to work through as well.

  Introspection: I truly understand what you mean by reading lots of material, but not getting the meaning from it, or not being able to apply it. So many books I bought, the self-help type, and I'd read them and think to myself, "it all sounds so good, but I can't do it. I'm not strong enough. I can't give any more to anyone or anything. I just want someone to fix me and make all this hurt and pain and misery go away." And yet, I just kept plodding along until I was stronger, and then little by little, I was able to change my perceptions--you know "change your mind, change yourself". Some of us are perhaps a little stronger, a little more confident; our family structure is different. So many things go into the mix of what makes us the way we are, and how we relate to ourselves, others, and the world around us. It sounds like you are doing really well for yourself and I'm happy for you. For some, it doesn't seem to be as much of a struggle, as it is for others.

  As you said, just because someone says "well, now you are free", doesn't mean you know which end is up, or what turn to make, or what is the right thing to do. Just like the slaves, when most of them were given their freedom, they didn't want to leave their masters. They had a "comfort zone" and they were afraid to live outside of that. That slave might be "free", but they don't know how to live free, and it was a struggle for them, and some didn't make it.

  Just as we become slaves to doctrines and belief systems, that bind us to a dysfunctional existence, when we get away from that, we slowly realize that we have always been free, we just didn't perceive that we were. When that realization hits us, it's forward motion all the way and no looking back.
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  Brummie

  What I mean by that, is that if we've been "out" for some time, our thought patterns, our concepts about life, etc., our hopes and dreams, should be taking on a new directive and dimension--evolving and changing as we grow.

  Its been a constant evolving of thought pattern for me, still havent stopped yet. Regardless of all the doctrinal arguments I had revolving around my head when I was leaving I can finally say there's not an ounce of JW doctrine left in me (quite a leap huh), I moved onto study Christian doctrines because my JW mindset made me think I had to know ALL the answers....durr so off I went to make my way through that haze and finally I feel more at peace and secure enough in mind to make my own desicions and beliefs, I'm totally disconnected from any organised religion, I am also very comfortable with not knowing all the answers and dont have the urge to be defending anything I believe anymore, If i'm wrong I'm wrong, and I have peace with that. For me that is quite a new dimension of thought.

  I can relate to most of the emotional feelings you mentioned, that was an aweful time to go thorugh.

  I'm still a believer in a Creator but I feel he has put me more intouch with myself rather than more in touch with organised religion.

  Cool thread.

  Brummie
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  shamus

  For me - concepts ..... well, I just can't believe that ONE SET OF RELIGIOS persons have any right to be in their "spiritual paradise". Indeed, we all know that it is not paradise - it is hell. It is criticism, constant sadness, and loneliness. There are so many people out there that have good hearts, and have done a hell of a lot more than I could ever do, regardless of what religion I belong to.

  I went back to school, got my grade 12, with honors, and am planning on taking some career training. That's all thats news with me -some of your stories are excellent!
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  nowisee

  wow, ravyn. i was around pagans for many years (i am assuming from what i have read about you that you are pagan -- wiccan??) when i had my new age bookstore. after exploring it to my satisfaction i knew that it was not for me. but i am very interested in why you felt it was for you. walkin???? really???? please say more.

  rocketman, really life is just too short. so glad you are free of those rituals that were meaningless for you.

  brummie -- said it for me as well. i used to think i had to know everything. i just don't have to know ALL the answers anymore.

  best wishes, nowisee