Why care about friends left behind?

by ashitaka 13 Replies latest jw friends

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  ashitaka

  xjw-

  We just couldn't find it in our hearts to go to any more. Mostly the hyprocritical response of people who pretend to be happy to see you, but won't acknowledge you exist under any other circumstances.

  That's how I feel.

  Mom-

  But, don't dwell on it Ash, they aren't giving you a second thought, you know.

  Not dwelling, just debating the morality of it.

  Lyin-

  If we just stopped feeling for them the way we used to based on the fact that we are not longer JW's , then we are no better than some of them IMO.

  This is exactly what I was wondering...does this make me more callous than the JWs?

  I think that you did the right thing and spared yourself some unnecessary pain by not attending. You can always send a sympathy card to your former best friend, expressing your respect and appreciation for the life of his grandfather.

  Chakka- I don;t think I'll send a sympathy card.....that family, who was like family at one time to me, has shown no sympathy to my plight in the past few years.

  Fire

  I agree with LyinEyes that I think I would go out of MY love and respect for that person.

  I agree, but, I got to thinking, would this person ever even come to my funeral had I died? I think not.

  Dansk- Pretty much, you're entire post sums up my life as an exJW. Can't really bother to worry about it, but I still don't want to turn into the apathetic beings that the JWs are.

  Mega-Was he really a sweet old guy if he shunned you and never called you? Not my definition of sweet.

  If you had gone to the funeral, would his family have appreciated it or been upset than an "apostate' showed up?

  How would have felt after being shunned at the funeral of a former friend who treated you as if you were already

  I know, I know. It probably would've escalated to a fight....that's how much people hate me in my old cong.

  bewise- Now I've thought about it I don't need closure at a KH service to pay my respects to her.

  I don't think so either.

  Thanks, guys,

  ash
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  JamesThomas

  Ash, Friendship, compassion, sympathy, caring, etc., are expressions of the natural warmth of our heart. They are an intricate part of you. Listen to your silent heart and let it freely express. Why let others lack of friendship towards you, dictate or set the thermostat of your heart? Screw them. Be true to you. Be true to what you feel inside now, without smothering it with other peoples actions or non-actions of the past. When we are healed from our wounds we are true to ourselves, and do not let other peoples asinine performance guide us and teach us. We no longer blindly follow other peoples leads -- especially the hurtful and stupid ones. My advise is let go of the past and be the shining light that you naturally are. You already know the right thing to do. It is simply the one that is not feeding on bitterness. My feelings. JamesT
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  Introspection

  To me the question is not about why care for them, but what caring is and/or means.

  I think this is where people confuse caring and having emotional attachments, and basically what's behind the forgive and forget confusion. You don't have to feel good or any particular way about a person to care about them, for example I'm sure most of us would help an old JW acquaintance if we saw them on the side of the road, injured from a car accident. This doesn't mean you have to feel like they're your buddy again, it's just a matter of caring enough for a fellow human being.

  What happens in a situation like this is you have some conflict with your feelings about the matter, right? Certain emotions basically become fused with your idea of showing respect and what not, just as you associate certain emotions with your relationship with a particular person based on the past, but they are actually different things. Your relationship with people change too, and therefore your feelings toward the person will change and so on. Since relationship is dynamic and unique there can be no exact way you should act, so it will just depend on your specific situation.

  Caring is not a matter of having certain emotions, I think it's atleast obviously it does not necessarily involve strong emotions. People get so identified with how they feel that they start thinking "this is how so and so MAKES ME feel" - which is true in a way, if you are reacting out of unconscious conditioned response. Then again, from where I stand I don't even see how that's you if you're not even conscious of it, how does so and so make WHO feel? You are certainly more than the triggers that you have, so to me that is strictly a mechanical process of stimulus and response, you can only say that is something you are experiencing at best. The thing is, if caring is done out of a good feeling we have, then it's really not caring, it's just more unconscious behavior, and there is no consideration in that.

  Now I want to be clear that I do not put any of this here as something to judge yourself by, it's just intended to allow us to understand what happens. Most people do have things that they get caught with to some degree, nobody is saying you need to be a saint. My hope is by distinguishing things and seeing what's what, we can be free from those emotional attachments. Of course, if you are attached and caught in some way and you know it, there is no need to be attached to THAT in the sense of I gotta change that, and I had to change it yesterday. I say give yourself a break, atleast allow enough time to sort things out or settle a bit.
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  outoftheorg

  Those people that shun me ( treat me like I am dead and detestable ) have done so, not because I have done anything to them. They did not decide to do this on their own. They are following the orders of a corporation. This corp. has no feelings of love. It is cold hearted and destructive in its actions. These individuals are not thinking for themselves or making decisions.

  For me, this makes the whole thing immoral and detestable.

  Seeing this, I have decided, they are not worthy of my concerns, about their feelings or of recieving my love or tenderness or consideration in any way.

  Since I have an obligation to look after my own well being and happiness and the well being and happiness of those close to me, I will not allow anything into my life willingly, that will disturb me or my family.

  I feel no sorrow or uneasyness about not being involved in any way with these people. Their conduct towards me is unacceptable. I refuse to give them the opportunity to display this conduct to me.

  I owe them nothing.

  Outoftheorg