I've been depressed lately.
My husband and I went to visit his family for the holidays. Not everyone showed for the visit ,the weather was lousy, and it just generally sucked. Now we're back to the same old routine with work and life and we're both depressed and alone. Our whole lives revolved around this stupid cult and neither one of us has family because they are still in it and won't talk with us. Must just be this time of year. I hope this miserableness passes.
I'm sorry, BYCNL, for your feelings of depression. It's worse this time of year, too, as you noted. Your husband's family are or aren't JWs? I wasn't sure because you visited them for the "Holidays."
Staying around here on the forum should help cheer you up -- you'll be getting some more responses soon, I'm sure.
Back in a bit.
Thank CoCo. His family are ex jw's . They live out of state so we rarely see them. But it's like we all have this residual guilt I guess you could say about being in this cult for so long. At least I do. It's hard to let go. I was raised in this so I have no emotional attachment or memories of holidays. But my husband does and he was expecting things to be like they were a long time ago when he was younger. Memories and all. Things are never going to be the same. I get that. Sometimes the memories are better than the reality.
Sorry to hear you've been depressed.
I guess it happens to all of us at some point(s) in our lives and can be hard to deal with.
There are some things you may want to try to hopefully brighten up your future.
These are just some suggestions that have helped me as well as others and it will be great if it can help you as well.
First go to Meetup.com and look for any Ex-JW meetups near you. (even if you are fading and don't want to chance going to one you can still check to see whats in your area)
Make sure to type in the search Ex-JW meetups to bring up the list.
Also I would strongly recommend going out with your hubby and trying new things such as sports,hobby's,museums and various volunteer work in your local community.
You can meet many nice people this way and maybe form some friendships that are not based on religion at all.
My wife and I have had good turn outs this way, as well as establishing relationships with some of our extended family that are not Witnesses.
Wishing you and your hubby better times ahead,
Thank you for explaining, BYCNL.
It takes a long time to let go, and things rarely turn out as we would hope. My entire family followed me in almost 50 years ago. Some, like me, have left, but others remain in. I feel responsibility for my influence. Of course, making a so-called dedication to God is a serious thing, and I've learned (finally) when to keep quiet.
Give yourselves time. Change is difficult. StoneWall's excellent suggestions have already been implemented by many of us. We really are getting on with our lives and are happier than ever.
Blessings and Peace.
It can be challenge to form a new social group. Most people it's family, people from work or groups they volunteer in, church, neighbors, etc.
For son long the WTS has constantly warned jws from making any contacts socially with non-jws. It is programmed in, friends can be found at the KH, usually people you only see at meetings and in field service, maybe out for diiner or an occasionally meal at someone's home once a year if you a high on the approved list.
We have formed a social group made up of ex-jws at the nearest meetup; with my 2 support groups (medical), participating in the occasional neighborhood association projects, our garden and canning, camping on weekends in areas near by (plans to go camping with a woman and husband at work,). We take joy in the beauty around us, visiting the local horticultural gardens (free) and taking a class or two.
It wouldn't hurt to get a medical evaluation just in case or find a counselor that can help leaving what is essentially a cult or a high control group. Abused children grieve for their abusive parents for some time even after being put in a safe place.
Blondie (who knows what depression is like)
as does zeb.
I agree with blondie fully all sound advice.
I have one thought. You visited ..them how often do they visit you?
We moved house years ago to suit work and some jw we (thought) we were close too promised to keep in touch. Hah! two phone calls in 20 years!
i struggle with depression too. I think being a witness permanently damages your brain. i've found though that there are a lot of people in the world that are depressed, witness or not. It's very helpful, for me at least, to do something for those that are even worse off than I. I hope this doesn't sound trite but comforting those less fortunate that we are helps. For example, today I went out to lunch with an elderly lady that suffers from loneliness too. She was never a witness. It helps to get out of our own heads some times.
Big Hug for you BYCNL. Sometimes we think that every one else is having a great time when we are not. It just isn't true, I do it, my imagination runs wild I think no-body loves me, then comes that feeling maybe I'm wrong. My own kid's don't phone, you feel depressed, you cry. At least that it is how it pans out for me usually. We always had jw's round xmas day, parties & now nothing, no-one & no invites. It hurts, but hey, I remember that as a jw I spent years feeling suicidal, then I realise that WOW all those pretend friendships & smiles were just an illusion. Now I'm having to deal with reality that most people on the planet live with everyday & it takes abit of time to get used to. Don't be so hard on yourself, it gets better & remember that Jehovahs witnesses are the most unhappy people on earth. You know where you & I are both lucky, we got our best friend on our side, our husbands.
Thanks everyone for the encouragement. Sometimes it feels like me against the world. Yes this religion does a number on me . I think of all the what ifs. I'm trying to let go of the past and move forward. At least my husband and I both left. He is my best friend. I could write a book on the stuff that we have gone thru with this cult. It has to get better one day.