I am losing

by NoMoreHustle 27 Replies latest jw experiences

  • jookbeard
    I went through the same issues with my wife, she remained loyal to the Borg, we divorced, no children in 1995, I like you deeply cared for her and loved her, but the cracks started to appear even before we married and sadly I found out the hard way she had some deep routed emotional problems that bordered on psychosis, she was very violent to me before and after we married but I just soldiered on hoping we may improve, the problem came when I started to fade and was becoming almost obsessional in my new found research about the cult, I was getting hold of as much written information as I could (pre internet) and would spend hours parked up in the car sitting there reading, I'm the sort of person though who cannot keep new found material to myself very easily , I was like a kid with a new toy and I could not keep these findings to myself when together. I often wondered if I could have rewound my like to back than and pondered it I should have done things differently, I dont think it would have made much difference in the grand scheme of things, we divorced after 5 years of marriage, I gave her a scriptural divorce and she remarried, I saw here briefly at my fathers funeral in 2005 and saw her briefly in 2002, I have no idea what she is upto these days.
  • NoMoreHustle
    both of us were witnesses when we got married 20+ years ago, we really have a great relationship, I just may have to give a little (couple more meetings here & there) and not have such a bad attitude when I go, because then I am miserable then in turn she is miserable. I just have to accept that I will waste 2 hours going there & block out all the crap, at the end of the day I hope being a good husband trumps everything, but unfortunately watchtower paints a picture that if your not "taking the lead spiritually" you are a bad husband
  • sparrowdown

    You are indeed caught between a rock and a hard place.

    Pretend to "go along to get along" or freak her out by being true to yourself.

  • Dagney

    After 20 years surely by now she should be able to discern the man you are without the help of anybody including the WT. If she uses the WT as an excuse to assault your value as a man and husband, there is a larger problem there than the religion.

    Blaming you for her weakness is a a clue.

    Hope things work out for you.

  • Wonderment

    It is very likely that no matter how much you try to convince her out of the WT religion, she will stay put. Leave her alone. Let her worship the way she thinks is right. As long as she doesn't force you to go along, you both will be better off.

    When someone is fully convinced of something, such one will likely not let go unless something drastic happens in their life. When you least expected, your wife may perhaps go through her own bad experience with someone there, or with a drastic change the Society implements, making her rethink her allegiance. Time also can do what you may not. People often do change with the passing of time.

    Best wishes to you!

  • TheListener

    Both marriage mates deserve and need to be happy. You both have to be willing to let the other person live their life and make their own choices. It's not easy, especially where the WT is concerned, but it is possible. There are many examples on the board of marriages that have survived one spouse leaving the WT and marriages that have ended. Each situation is unique.

    I think it's good you posted because the board can offer support and that's always good.

  • Cold Steel
    Cold Steel
    You both have to be willing to let the other person live their life and make their own choices. It's not easy, especially where the WT is concerned, but it is possible.

    I had a friend whose son is a member of the Churches of Christ...a convert. He got along with the kid okay, but he told me it always bothered him that his son thought that when he died, that he'd be consigned to hell for eternity. At Thanksgiving and Christmas, he'd watch his son and wonder how he could entertain that thought. I don't know why, but it really ate at him. Little things like that can have more serious consequences.

    I mean, you get your keys and go out for some groceries. Your wife says, "Be careful, dear! And by the way, you're going to die at Armageddon!"

  • Nameless
    If she feels the same way about you, then make it work. Respect her wishes about what she wants to believe and don't fight about it. If she talks, then agree to listen. it doesn't mean she is going to convert you back, but she will see that you still love her and respect you. You know what you know and you want her to see the same things you see. Well give it time. Remember what they said at the meetings all the time with an unbelieving mate? She may be won without a word!!!

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