Deflated after realising my inactive friends are POMI

by Isambard Crater 18 Replies latest jw friends

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  Isambard Crater

  I'm going through an extremely hard and dark time right now and really yearned for the support of people I know in the flesh, and I really thought revealing my serious doubts and frustrations to a few close friends who became inactive several years ago would help. They attend the Memorial and no more than 2 Sunday meetings each year, and haven't preached for several years, so are still technically baptised-but-inactive.

  It broke my heart or at least left me feeling very alone when they all (they don't know each other and live in separate areas) told me that they can sympathise but reckon I should stay with "the truth" (their words, still) as it's the best thing there is. It's like I'd discovered a new group of people, not PIMO (physically in, mentally out, like me) but POMI (physically out, mentally in). It's ridiculous. The "truth" still has such a hold over some people, but clearly not enough to motivate them to actually attend meetings and all the other stuff.
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  smiddy

  I can understand your frustration with these type of people.

  I discovered this decades ago and have made comment on it before.

  "ManyJehovahs Witnesses leave the "truth" but the "truth" never leaves them"

  or in other words

  "many religious people leave a religion but the religion never leaves them"

  These jehovahs witnesses are no different from their counter-parts in Christendom who claim they are Catholic or Church of England for example and never set foot in their respective church or participate in church activities or attendance,

  Except for special occascions like marriages ,funerals ,baptisms ,xmass or easter.

  And in the case of a JW the memorial or "Special talks" or the CO or Do`s visit.

  They are R.C , / C of E, or JW in name only .

  They are the ones to be pitied

  It is not a religion to them based on knowledge and reason it is based solely on feelings ,emotion. and not on an accurate or even an inaccurate knowledge of what they think they believe.
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  scratchme1010

  It broke my heart or at least left me feeling very alone when they all (they don't know each other and live in separate areas) told me that they can sympathise but reckon I should stay with "the truth" (their words, still) as it's the best thing there is. It's like I'd discovered a new group of people, not PIMO (physically in, mentally out, like me) but POMI (physically out, mentally in). It's ridiculous. The "truth" still has such a hold over some people, but clearly not enough to motivate them to actually attend meetings and all the other stuff.
  

  I'm sorry to hear that you didn't get the support from people that you expected it. I experienced the exact same thing many times. Just because a person is not active or not attending, it doesn't mean that the person doesn't believe in the WT teachings.

  I for once was both surprised and baffled when a gay roommate I had, who attended meeting with his mom as a child until he was 10, never baptized, and did all kinds of things that gay single men do, didn't accept my happy birthday card because of the WT nonsense. Some people still keep those believes as true, and they just don't attend. I've experienced similar reactions from ex-JWs when they find that i was a JW and stop talking to me or treat me differently.
  

  If that's the case, I know that it feels like hurt right now, but you really don't need that nonsense in your life. There are plenty more ex-JWs who can understand and give you true support. The POMI's are everywhere. It is their process, their decision and their dysfunction. My suggestion is to just keep looking for support in other ex-JWs who are more functional that way.
  
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  ToesUp

  Sorry, to hear about your disappointment with these friends.

  Hopefully they are not contributing financially to the org! POFO - physically out financially OUT. The GB's worst type of fader!
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  Half banana

  Isambard, it's hard to leave the org-- as you knew it would be from the start-- and your friends have now disappointed you. I remember having similar hopes of some of my friends, instead I was shunned.

  Well you at least are going in the right direction even if they are mentally snagged on WT brainwashing. So count yourself lucky to be free and don't expect anything back from those who are still under the WT delusion.
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  flipper

  ISAMBARD- Sorry to hear that you experienced this letdown. Hey man- WT mind control is SO strong over even some EX-JW's - that people who have been disfellowshipped for 20 or 30 years end up going back to the JW organization. It's incredible. And shows how dangerous the WT Society hold is gripping people. Cult mind control is not easily discarded unfortunately. Many ex-JW's just don't do the work of informing themselves mentally of how we got so screwed up mentally - so the WT garbage remains in their brains for years after they exit the JW cult. It takes effort to clean out our minds and put something useful back into it. And of course many just stay in or return for family- thus sacrificing their inner souls and minds. Peace out, mr. Flipper
  
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  Giordano

  "I'm going through an extremely hard and dark time right now and really yearned for the support of people I know in the flesh, and I really thought revealing my serious doubts and frustrations to a few close friends who became inactive several years ago would help."

  Isambard same here......... people I knew who were not very moral or spiritual but still considered themselves JW's of some form or other. None stayed friends. Not a problem in the long run as we have made so many new friends. How? The same way you made JW friends. Come together in a regular way with a common core belief and let new friendships grow naturally. Like volunteering, sport clubs, chess club etc there are all kinds of groups, meetups and of course this forum.

  but reckon I should stay with "the truth" (their words, still) as it's the best thing there is.

  This is perhaps the most ignorant statement about the JW's one can make...in my opinion. What it really means is that they don't have to explore any other religion or secular framework. Once again be they in the truth or on the sidelines they continue to apply 'rational ignorance' which is 'refraining from acquiring knowledge when the cost of educating oneself on an issue exceeds the potential benefit that the knowledge would provide.'

  In your case you are seeking rational knowledge and wisdom to deal with your findings and feelings about the 'truth'.

  This forum is very good about helping with what you are experiencing.

  
  
  
  
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  OUTLAW

  Deflated after realising my inactive friends are POMI

  Lots of JW`s like that..

  Out for years and still in a WatchTarded Coma..

  .............

  "YOU KNOW IT`S THE TRUTH!"

  
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  steve2

  You do not leave the organization because you hope others will also see the light and leave. You leave because it is not the "truth".

  Most people on the fringes of JW organization do not transition to seeing it for what it is: another man made religion.

  Unfortunately, the JW group mentality even affects ex-JWs in that they pin their hopes too heavily on others also waking up. Don't put yourself at the mercy of others' capacity and/or willingness to leave.
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  Incognito

  people I knew who were not very moral or spiritual but still considered themselves JW's of some form or other. - Giordano
  

  Do you ever consider how those people would act if they did not consider themselves to be JWs whatsoever?