Hey Kurt
When I got the boot from the org. at age 19 I self destructed too. Stayed destructed for several years. It took me a good long while to get my head back on straight and even now, sometimes... I twitch.
This cult kills people in so many ways, on so many levels, both figuratively and literally. Come here and talk it out. Kick a box around all you want, all you need.
You're not alone.
Welcome!