Sandy, I do it all the time too -- mention the race. Like if someone cuts me off and she happened to be oriental I would say, "Some oriental lady cut me off...." It's not racist because I don't feel my race is superior to hers. But it is stereotyping.
Or if there is a fight at my kids school they might say, "Some Mexicans got into a fight...." Or some Blacks, etc.
Or sometimes, "Some White Trailer Trash bla bla bla...."
Why do we do it? I don't have a clue. Is it conditioning? Possibly. Or maybe some groups of people have certain characteristics that stand out more -- or we imagine they do. It's a good question. You should start a thread on it.
Re the Memorial: I think the fading thing works best when you have family in that you care about. You're never completely free if you fade, but it's the lesser of the two evils. You used theocratic strategy. We learned that well, didn't we? Good for you. I mark you a G for Good.
As for me, I have a plan how to get my sister back. I'm thinking of pretending I am going back. It could back-fire but I know she wants to be able to talk to me again. Then I'll do the slow fade. I've never formally disassociated or been df'd so I don't have to kiss ass. Just go back to a few meetings for a while. Am I being a hypocrite! You betcha! Sometimes we have to be thanks to the FDS who taught us well!