Wacko Talks

by gitasatsangha 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • gitasatsangha

    Share one of the odder/funnier talks you've heard (where the manuscript went out the window, along with any degree of decorum, preferably)

    One time a brother had a 15 minute part and he spoke very calmly and relaxed. he smiled all the time, but the part seemed aimless. He referred to a few scriptures but they were commonly used ones. Finally he started going on and on about how unified "God's people" were and as an example he started playing a tape recording of a convention in some african country, with the songs being sung in kiswahiili.

    All well and good. But it seeminly wouldnt end. This tape seemed to have been edited to have a bunch of kindgom songs in kiswahili. After about ten minutes of this he finally looked up apologized and said that he really had no idea he was going to do a talk till the night before and he hadn't prepared. Then he sat down amid nervous laughter. It was a wonderful experience.

  • basics-for-me

    I sat through MANY "odd, funny" talks during my time at the kingdom hall.

    One of the most renowned for this particular type of talk was a ministerial servant who desparately wanted to be an elder.

    He was so full of shit, it was unbelievable!

    He would often forget what he started to say and needed constant prompts from his wife throughout the length of his talks.

    He really believed that he was the source of "new light" and would speak about absolute crap pertaining to the "awsome galaxies" to the "informal witnessing" that was allegedly required of us all!

    He was an absolute arse, and I'm sure there are many, many more of his type around.

  • Tashawaa

    This isn't funny, and I'm ashamed of myself for not walking out (God, I wanted to!!!!) but we had a CO visit and he had a talk on "Divorce"... ohhh, by the way, I'm divorced, and NOT scripturally.

    Apparently, when we "divorce" - hoards of witnesses do it on "frivilous grounds", you know, just like the ancient Isrealite men who divorced their wives over a burnt meal (hell, if that was the standard, my ex would have gott'n rid of me before I got rid of him)....

    Anyhooo, his talk progressed to include spousal abuse. He used the example of a "faithful witness wife" who endured years of physical abuse (to the point of death), but she remained with the unbelieving husband, who eventually OF COURSE converted. Apparently, after the "beating" she'd massage his feet !!!! WHAT THE @(#*)#(!!!!! Are we telling "good christian women" to massage the feet of their husbands who abuse them?!?!? Like I said, I was SICK.

    I could imagine how many sisters are sitting there in horrible marriages, and feel they have no way out. You think we could tell them about "shelters". It was a definite turning point for me.

  • hippikon

    I remember one talk about marriage, sex, masturbation or some such thing and the speaker started tell us how they took their infant son to the doctor because he had an erection and they thought something was wrong with him. They didn’t know it was a natural process even for infants. (Duh I wonder if the doctor had to also explain to them where babies came from as well.) The speaker proceeded to tell the audience what the doctor said and not to be alarmed if they had a similar experience. He obviously thought he was parting vital information to the red faced and clearly embarrassed audience.

  • minimus

    A new MS was giving announcements for the first time. The PO never really told him what to announce so to fill time (10 minutes), he announced (mispronounced) every language the KM had publications in for that month. There were about 20 plus languages that he tried to get thru. I had to leave the auditorium because I couldn't control my laughter.

  • rocketman

    I just remember a public talk in which an elder did not open his bible once through the whole talk. Read his scriptures from a printout. Not a biggie, but I can't recall anything else worth mentioning right now.

  • asleif_dufansdottir

    The wierdest was a CO who was giving a talk during his visit...he spent (I swear) 10 minutes building up this joke to the punchline..."don't take a fence" ("don't take offense")...and the wierdest part of it was that 'taking offense' had nothing to do with the subject of his talk! When he finished, he stopped for a second, like he'd told the wrong joke (after it took 10 minutes!), because it hit him then, I guess, that it had nothing to do with the subject of the talk. He told lots of marginally funny kinda pointless jokes that rambled on to a sort-of conclusion, though, so I'm not really sure he told the wrong joke. The congregation kinda looked at each other like..."Did everybody else understand how that went with the talk???"

    I've never forgotten it, though.

  • nowisee

    i thought this thread was going to be about michael jackson.

  • gitasatsangha

    sorry.. no. I know soem witnesses who were friends with the jacksons, but I never asked them what one of wacko jacko's talks were like.

  • LDH

    Once an elder at our hall started a SUNDAY talk by playing "Ain't no Mountain High Enough" for like 30 seconds on a crapped-out tape recorder. Everyone was (of course) startled, and he just looked at the audience smugly during the crappy playing of this song.

    Then, he had his son faaaaadddddeee the sound out, and went on to make his opening remark.

    "Yes, friends, there is NO mountain higher than Jehovah's mountain of holy worship!"

    I swear, you can't make this shit up.


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