So like my bday was the other day..april 12th. Iam now 28...not that it means much or anything...I got an email from my elder dad telling me that he had traded in his honda for a harley and that him and mom were doing ok and that they still hoped that I would come back to the meetings. Hmph...birthdays. Got a card from my daughter which meant the most to me. I hate the fact that I have to TRY and convince myself that my birthday is something special. I relfexively think, "ehhh its just another day". It went ok tho. Anyway..didnt really have much to say...
it was my birthday the other day
I felt no different than before
the sun shined and the birds chirped
yet nothing changed in my emotional store
I didnt feel any more special
I didnt want any gifts
I just wanted to be accepted
no more emotional rifts
I got a cake..
it was visually gifted
it had candles, my name and flowers
I felt no better not at all lifted
I struggle to feel the inner glee
the feeling of "wow!"
it didnt come to me
not then and not now
I got a card from my daughter
smeared in her two year old hand
it was colorful, erratic and loving
it made me feel it was grand.
my birthday is over now
life has returned to its normal pace
no longer a special day
just another foot in life's race...
-z-