The Ballad Of The Lying Watchtower

by Voyager 0 Replies latest social humour

  • Voyager
    Voyager

    The Ballad Of The Lying Watchtower

    I came all the way from New York across the burning sand,

    Just to create my own Bible and I did it all by hand.

    I've lied for years in the things I've taught,

    Stayed one step ahead so I wouldn't get caught.

    I've ridden for miles through old Mexico,

    I sow false prophecy everywhere I go.

    The governing body and I seem to drink all night,

    But when we get a liquored buzz we call it new light.

    I've changed my doctrines in the things that I say,

    Just to get my members to foot the bill and pay.

    Iam the badest spiritual hombre in these here parts!

    I've divided many families and broken a lot of hearts.

    With my spiritual six guns I've put a lot of men down,

    But Im to fast with lies to stay this hick town.

    My gang is tough, the governing body they're called,

    But most of them now are old, impotent, and bald.

    The women all cackle when the pope is in town,

    But, Lying Watchtower's here to put all the churches down!

    Lying and deceiving is not really hard at all,

    Not when you've had special training at the local Kingdom Hall.

    It's mid afternoon as I stand in the streets,

    Of another sucker territory claimed for literature increase.

    Armed with altered Bible, occult literature and more,

    Iam packing my book bag as I get to the door.

    I strut up the driveway like an elder would walk,

    Just itching for a show down using the lies I talk.

    The householder can't win against the deception I teach,

    Just one of the hidden requirements in the message I preach.

    Iam fast on the draw as I grab my Awake,

    Selling the magazines here will be a piece of cake.

    But the house holder here has her own Bible book,

    So my knees began to buckle and brains began to cook.

    She's from a Christian Outreach and she really knows the score,

    She shattered my spiritual six gun quoting from Matthew 24.

    I began to feel quite guilty as I spoke, dodged, and lied,

    There was no question about it she's staying on Jesus side.

    The right time had come for me to draw and spiritually shoot,

    But I found I had no bullets so was politely given the boot.

    With my head then drooping and theocratically broken down,

    I knew I lost the shoot out and wanted quickly out of town.

    Later on I wondered if there's a chance she could be right,

    But the governing body assured me that at Bethel things were tight.

    I got in my car and then was New York bound,

    Still wondering if my lies would be considered scripturally sound.

    When I finally got to Bethel I found a new story to tell,

    There was a new set of doctrines and a better scam to sell.

    When I asked what was wrong with all the lies of before,

    I was disfellowshipped for questioning and promply guided to the door.

    Now I knew how it felt to be used by men of pride,

    I had sacrificed my life away because I wasn't on God's side.

    But in the early days when I was so fast on the draw,

    I should have seen my arsenal was absent of God's law.

    The Lying Watchtower rode off during that hot summer day,

    Defeated by Christ Jesus and the real truth people say.

    Yes, cut to pieces, by Christ Jesus two edged sword,

    Ashamed of all the lies it assumed about the Lord.

    Still riding in darkness we pray for the members release,

    Cause Christ's the one who can do this through his love, grace, and peace.

    This is the ballad of the Watchtower and all it's lies,

    Condemned therefore blood guilty no matter what story it tries.

    So we as true christians use compassion, love , and care,

    Always remembering our loved ones in our thoughts and in our prayer.

    So when your in Tombstone walk slow and not to fast,

    The Watchtower is buried there with it's lies of all the past.

    It appears that all the members caught wind of U. N. sin,

    So they all partook at Memorial unbalancing the numbers again.

    The Watchtower saw these numbers and heart failure it did feel,

    It couldn't explain all the members partaking at the evening meal.

    When it said it was a victim and the numbers just couldn't be true,

    The jury said, "We're sorry the crime must be seen by two.

    On the way to the hospital the Watchtower had blown it's hatch,

    It needed a spiritual transfusion but I'm afraid there was no match.

    The End

    J&D

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