WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN

VeniceIT

> > > > WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN
> > > >
> > > > A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd
> found a cat. She asked him if
> > > it
> > > > was dead or alive. "Dead." She was informed.
> "How do you know?" she
> >asked
> > > > her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it
> didn't move," answered
> >the
> > > > child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the
> teacher exclaimed in surprise.
> > > "You > > > > know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and
> went 'Pssst!' and it didn't
> > > > move."
> > > > ___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five
> minutes later....
> > > "Da-ad...."
> > > > "What? "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of
> water?" "No. You had your
> > > > chance. Lights out." Five minutes later:
> "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm
> > > > THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I
> told you NO!" If you ask
> >again,
> > > > I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes
> later...... "Daaaa-aaaad....."
> > > > "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you
> bring a drink of water?"
> > > >
> __________________________! ______________________
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > An exasperated mother, whose son was always
> getting into mischief,
> >finally
> > > > asked him, "How do you expect to get into
> Heaven?" The boy thought it
> >over
> > > > and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in
> and out and keep slamming
> >the
> > > > door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake,
> Dylan,come in or stay
> > > out!'"
> > > >
> _________________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > One summer evening during a violent
> thunderstorm a mother was tucking
> >her
> > > > son into bed. She was about to turn off the
> light when he asked with a
> > > > tremor i! n his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep
> with me tonight?" The mother
> > > > smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't
> dear," she said. "I have
> >to
> > > > sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was
> broken at last by his shaky
> > > > little voice: "The big sissy."
> > > >
> _______________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > When I was six months pregnant with my third
> child, my three year old
> >came
> > > > into the room when I was just getting ready to
> get into the shower. She
> > > > said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied,
> "Yes, honey, remember
> >Mommy
> > > > has a baby growing in her tummy" "I know," she
> replied, but what's
> >growing
> > > >! ; in your butt?"
> > > >
> _________________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > A little boy was doing his math homework. He
> said to himself, "Two plus
> > > > five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus
> six, that son of a bitch
> >is
> > > > nine...." His mother heard what he was saying
> and gasped, "What are you
> > > > doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my
> math homework, Mom." "And
> > > > this is how your teacher taught you to do it?"
> the mother asked. "Yes,"
> >he
> > > > answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the
> teacher the next day, "What
> >are
> > > > you teaching my son in math?" The teacher
> replied, "Right now, we are
> > > > learning addition."! The mother asked, "And are
> you teaching them to say
> > > two
> > > > plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After
> the teacher stopped
> > > laughing,
> > > > she answered, "What I taught them was, two
> plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH,
> >is
> > > > four."
> > > >
> _________________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > One day the first grade teacher was reading
> the story of Chicken Little
> >to
> > > > her class. She came to the part of the story
> where Chicken Little tried
> >to
> > > > warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so
> Chicken Little went up to the
> > > farmer
> > > > and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is
> falling!" The teacher paused > > > then
> > > > asked the class, "And what do you think the
> farmer said?" One little
> >girl
> > > > raised her hand and said, "I think he said:
> 'Holy Shit! A talking
> > > chicken!'"
> > > > The teacher was unable to teach for the next
> 10 minutes.

cruzanheart

I took Jackson (7) and Jennie (9) to see "Agent Cody Banks." I asked Jackson if he wanted to invite one of his friends to go with him to the movie, and he said, "naw, it's kind of a chick flick." (Turns out it really wasn't until the end -- ONE kiss but lots of action in the rest of the film, kind of a preteen James Bond.)

Nina

DFWnonJW

So much for the "seen and not heard" theroy, the sum of which is.....

A friends grand-daughter was constantly badgering her mom to buy her the movie "Booty and the Pwiest" and the little girl could not understand the laughter. :)

LyinEyes

Oh my heavenly God,,,,,,,,,,Venice,,,,,,,,,,,, You are talking about my Chance..........8 year old son,,,,,,,,omg,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,that is his reasoning on life in a nutshell. Needless to say he has been exposed to alot of adult language,,,,,,,,,,,,,ummhumm well honestly his dad and I do say our fair share of cuss word, plus his teen age brother and his hoody friends, plus the in laws and outlaws of various ages, plus all the other grown up , my hubby works with.......... God help him it is not his fault he has a vocabulary to revile that of any stomped on sailor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kids,,,,,,,,,,, they are pure their their impurity............Really , their reasonings make more sense than anything we as adults could ever come up with............lol. this truly made me smile today......hugs dee

outnfree

Fabulous, Ven!

Thanks for the belly laughs!

out

Brummie

Thanks Venice, these are hilarious, i'm psssting myself laughing here!

Brummie

Francois

The young and beautiful fifth grade teacher had gotten so much Valentine candy from her many admirers she didn't know what to do with it until an idea struck about how to give it to her class and make a game of it. So the next day she took all the candy to school in a large bag, and announced that when she called a child's name he or she was to come to the front of the room and taste the candy. If the child correctly identified the candy, he/she won the whole box of it.

The first child called was Nancy who properly identified peanut brittle. And she proudly returned to her seat with a pound of the sticky stuff.

Next Susan came to the front of the room and correctly identified a chocolate covered cherry and returned to her seat with a pound of the sophisiticated candy.

Tommy was next, and when the beautiful young teacher placed a Hershey's Kiss in his mouth he was stumped, not being the sharpest knife in the drawer anyway. He hemmed, he hawed but could not name the candy.

The teacher, not wanting any child to miss having their own box of candy, told Tommy she would give him a hint. "What does your mother give your father each night before they go to bed."

Suddenly, a friend of Tommy's in the back row, his eyes wide with excitement and disblief, jumped up and shouted at the very top of his lungs, "Spit it out quick Tommy, it's a piece of ass."

francois

DJ

Those were great Ven. Thanks for taking the time to post them. My little boy sounds exactly like the one who wanted a drink of water. He may have actually said that...... Believe it or not, my jw mom told me the first one about the cat. A lady who was a jw from Canada told it to my mother while they were both in Texas. Small world.......must be a dubby joke...lol eeewww

WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN

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